Feelings to fully broken mentally emotionally, Depression, silent.

Loyalty, trust, good person, it's most worst things this world, only talking people this things but when you actually follow that things nobody with you.only people judge,and find bad things in you.

I can understand you bro. You have given everything you could loyalty trust being good with everybody but this world doesn't appreciate anything. Some times you have to be selfish and for your benefit only.

What to do when you slowly became emotionally detached?

Confusion

Feeling empty and heavy at same damn time.anyone relate?

Anxiety

Getting horrible dreams after watching The Kashmir Files. 

Dreams

feels like nobody cares

Delusion

M irritated n frustrated with my life. I don't get time for myself cuz I m made to be busy with family and financial stuff. I was thinking about posting this week's back but got time today. 

Anger Issues

Bloom! 🌸🌸

Compassion

I have my board exam named HSC in just few months and I didn even finish half of my syllabus. HSC is very important for my admission for public university which will be held after HSC as It is the varsities circular that if you are eligible to sit for the exam or not.. my family can't afford private universities so public varsities are my only hope. In the previous ssc board exam which was held in 2021 , because of corona situation we just sat for science subjects and other subjects like Bangla English's marks was taken from our JSC examination which was held in 2018. I didn do well in Bangla in JSC because of that my GPA of JSC was  4.86. It was a huge embarrassment for my parents and now that even my SSC marks was affected by it , they were disappointed in me and always kept reminding how I will always fail.. Because I didn have good marks in ssc. I couldn't get in to my desired college. I was in depression and as my college was far from my home I would always be tired after college.. Combining all the pressure and stress I couldn't finish my syllabus and kept on just passing barely. 
I was holding myself together as I only have 3-4 months in my hand but there are other things.. in the start of the year we found out my father was having an affair with a girl half of his age and it created a lot of disturbance to our family . Even my mother has an affair with someone 5-6 years ago which ended nastily.. With my family being a complete mess my faith from marriage and happy life happy husband-wife shits was gone.. I decided I would never marry and if the person I love is ok with that I will just do live in with him. 
my luck was great .. I found someone one like that whose mentality and other beliefs were matched with me and we fell in love.. I fell first but he fell hard.. after one year into our relationship I realized my feelings for him was turned into indifference and I actually have feelings for someone else.. I didn wanna cheat on my boyfriend who loved me like crazy so I broke up with him.. He was broken apart. it's not that I don love him but i fell for someone else more harder.. I couldn't see my boyfriend so broken so I thought after I overcome about my feeling for the other guy i will be back with him.
I thought It would be easy to overcome my feeling for the other because the otherguy and my beliefs were really different. we are muslims but I have a really open minded approach toward my religion but he is very religious and he had other toxic traits i didn like.. But I never understood why I fell for the other guy cause aside from the difference we just met for 5-6 times .. We would talk just about studies and some normal chitchats.. He would ignore me and be cold with me still I couldn't do anything but love him. After breaking up I was focusing on myself properly and my studies but somehow the guy I have feelings for confessed that he also had feelings for me since the first time he saw me. He distanced himself because of how different we are and tried to forget me but couldn't and after knowing i was involved with another guy he tried to move on harder but couldn't.. After knowing everything I also couldn't stop and we decided let things go how they are and we will see. But the differences were there.. we would avoid it but it was there.. maybe that's why in our 3rd date he wanted to break up saying he won't be able to be with someone if he can't marry. He loves me but it's haram relationship and as I already declared I wouldn't marry anyone won't legimatize our relationship.. It shook me to my core . After two days of talking and other things I said I will try to accept things like marriage slowly and as we still have 6-7 years in our hands lets keep trying.. He agreed and we got back together. But after that day everything went downfall. Because of his studies and conservative family we would meet once in 2 weeks. Somehow his sister came to know about us and that came to once a month. His neglections toward me and his different beliefs than me made me realize we won't last. So after a great deal of overthinking I decided that I will break up with him after our admission period and let him go. I would have done it now but I knew he loves me so I didn wanna mentally suffocate him . He is a brilliant student and is student of a prestigious college. I know he will be able to get in his desired public university. I thought after that i will break up with him..but today he said his mom and dad came to know about us and he won be able to meet with me until admission period is over. 
Until yesterday I was crying how less time I have for showing him my love and how he doesn't have time for me. Today Im a mess because just thinking about how after meeting such a long time I will have to say , congratulations my love. you did it . Now we have to separate because we won't last.. 
It's breaking my heart into pieces. With academic pressure and stress and now even losing someone I love so dearly when I can't even share with him is devastating me. I can't stop crying. can't stand properly with all these sadness and the feeling of losing something so precious .
I no longer know what to do.. I wanna stop feeling anything. I wanna focus on study and just that.. I wanna stop these hurtings and just wanna study like crazy.. How to do that.. How can I stop all these. How can I make myself move on when my heart doesn want to.. when my heart wanna keep loving him and how I just wanna hug him and cry how can I move on. 
It hurts too much.

Boyfriend

Hey there ppl. If u ever feel let down in any situation see this video; https://youtu.be/gCpF-3KgVJ4

Hope it gives u strength and courage to keep going. Cheers!

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts