Feeling super low, I am going through a very rough time. I have been married for 11 years with my partner and known him since 16 years now(did college together).
Over the years our companionship changed a lot, we donot understand each other at all now. Frequent arguments make things even worse. The biggest thing that’s hurts me is his rude behaviour as I donot find him soft spoken since recent years, which brings tears to my eyes. We discussed many times that he needs to manage his stress not pass on by being rude with me which he agreed many times and told he will work on it. But since there are more moments of our arguments than good times, it’s been frequent that he saw his mistake and came back with a sorry realizing he could nt manage his temper. I trusted him, but since last 1 year,he feels that I want to hear sorry and his apology and now even he shouts or becomes rude, he disagrees with the fact, that he is never rude and I am making fuss out of nothing or I have made him like that over years as its always his mistake 😒. I tell him that over years its important that partners should actively work on their relationships, communicate not only what oneself wants but also sometimes think and do for their partner to show love and care. I try as much as possible to support him in his desires, wishes but he says he feels pressure that he needs to work on something for me. He says I should know he loves me and I should try to understand him… But isn’t it too much, ain’t I a human too? Shouldn’t I expect care and respectful behaviour? How should I behave when I see I am the one who has to understand, understand and understand always whether its rude behaviour, arguments, disagreements, misbehaviour from in laws in the past, as if anything I say or ask I am told that I want to blame him for nothing, he doesn’t agree later that he was loud. He is not there in my broken moments too, he feels more frustrated and walks out… I have nobody to speak my heart, I want to cry holding him, but he is not there, he is busy proving me wrong and expressing how pissed off he gets seeing my cry. Many times we thought of a divorce and move out, but we both couldnt go ahead. But I feel so lonely and broken, I yearn to speak out about all that I feel ask what should I do? I cannot go to people who know me, as then they will start judging which also feels bad, hope here in this platform I donot get judged🤞