feeling lost…helpless…courage-less…I am not having the strength to stand up to what my heart want…
Hey…it’s okay to feel demotivated sometimes. It’s normal…and natural…what is it that you’re not able to…stand up for?
My family and My boyfriend. I am 21 years old. i’m in the final year of my graduation. I wanna pursue my MBA in abroad and start a business. It’s my dream. But my family they wanna get me married to my cousin. I kinda hate marriage and that too this early, I really don’t want to. But I succumbed to their request else they start to blackmail me emotionally. My father is a good person. But my mother no. She had created so much troubles for both of us. Still my father has kept her in in his life, just because he is married to her. My father uses it to blackmail me into this marriage. I don’t have the courage to break his words. I am quite normal in the day, it is in the night when my depression creeps in me and make me cry every night. My boyfriend, I loved him but I think not anymore. He loves me a lot, take care of me. But yet I don’t feel a complete feeling. He is over-possessive. He gets angry and scolds me with words which i am not supposed to the extent of calling me a bitch. I even stopped talking to my friends because of him. He needs to know whatever I do. Recently our college wanted us to create a zoom account for our project works which I did and through it, I talked to my friends (only girls, he will die if I talk to men) and I told him that. He immediately asked for the account password so that he can monitor me. I said no, so he made it a big fight. this is an example of his doings. He did a lot more to me. A day is not enough to type that out. I don’t want this relationship anymore and I tried doing it once but he threatened me by drinking excessively and attempting to die. Now I am with him only because of the fear that he will do something bad and not love. He does everything to me in the name of pure love which irritates me a lot. Everybody in my life wants something from me and they even got to the extend of threatening me, but nobody really cares of what I want. I felt really alone as I was not able to discuss it with anyone. Wish I had the courage to stand up to my parents and tell them that I don’t wanna get married and to my boyfriend and tell him that I don’t love him anymore and want him go away from tormenting me in the name of love. Funny thing is my parents believe that I am refusing the marriage because I love another person. They didn’t accept my love just because he belongs to the different caste.
I don’t know what to do to relieve from all these pressures. I am really going insane with each passing day.
Hey, I am sorry that you are going through this right now. It’s not fair to you, I understand that.
1) Please talk to your parents about your needs. It’s absolutely important. This decision can change your entire life and I am sure that if you talk to them, they will try to understand. You will have to make them believe that you really want to study further and not get married at such a young age. You need to make them feel sure that this is not because you love someone else BUT it’s only because you want to study more and make something out of your life.
2) That’s a very very toxic relationship. The fact that he threatens you to do something to himself makes it even more toxic. It’s not healthy for you and you need to get out of this situation. Let me tell you one thing, you are not liable to him or to listen to him at all. You need to think about yourself and get courage in yourself to fight this and get out of this relationship.
Family is important however, you need to focus on you right now. I grew up in an abusive family household - my mother was an alcoholic when I was growing up and wasn’t a nice person. As I got older, she started to get better - I think because she rushed head strong into decisions in her life which made her angry about it. My sister, only would contact me if she wanted money and when I stood up to her, she cut me out of her life. I think that’s for the best really - as much as it hurts to not have a sister anymore, it’s how it is.
Your situation sounds more bleak than mine did but in the end, you need to take care of yourself. If that means distancing yourself from your family AND your current partner, then so be it. You won’t be able to care about other people if you don’t care about yourself.
Thank you so much for all your helpful words and concern