Feeling  guilty but that's not my fault .
is there any one to talk.
Frnship problm

Iwent to my frnd with other frnd as her bro got death .
So she was not in mood qki dukhi hogi to vo normally bate kri thi mere pas ye h ..vo h..vo hanesa asi krti thi...mene bi boldiya show off kiya .now i regreted .bcos this was not me .



Its been 3 years .actually .
Its verry old matter. Humkarate h baat per man kharab hogye mera . 
Usne mere maa papa sister  mmk bare m bola nicha dikhane ki koshish ki  mujhe.
Vo school days m bi asi hi krti thi..
Actually ek baat h me ab notice krti hu.. 

Humsab k papa psu m ek post m the to hume normal school m the but uske papa shopkeeper the to uska acha nilgta tha . To vo chid jati thi. Mene usko nicha ni dikhaya but vo apne aap ko bada dikhati thi.rk to kanjois thi vo .

Tumkolgta h meri galti h .mene release ni kiya .tha ustime.vo thori kanjoos bhi thi thori imean school days m project m vo pese ni deti thi kaam nikalwaleti .cunning thi .baki frnd bi isi bolte  the puth piche ki ye kitni kanjus h.
But mene kbhi pese ki bat ni ki 
Ki diye ni. But vo uski lgne lga ki me dikhane lgyi.

Vo ab change ho gyi he .but mereko vo ni pasand uske vajah se baki frndship bhi spoil hoti h mene sabse baat krne bandskrdiya 

Ok thank u
Btw they are not bad people nor me it just  that 
I want  to see them eat but not in my table 

Frustration

I am having high fever from morning.. and I will get tested for covid tomorrow morning..
But even I am not tested positive yet my family is treating me like an untouchable...
Like today was my younger brother's birthday and they all celebrated it without me..like I am hurt..
Like I don't like it..I feel left out and I don't know how will I spend my days of isolation if I am tested positive..
And my brother taunts me ke kash corona hoke ye mar jaye..and mom never says anything to her..I know we need to take necessary precautions but why they treat me like this..I don't feel good

So I don't knw I just felt like sharing this coz now this is my best frnd for some reason ....

So I met this guy on snap we were flowing each other before but one day I saw his snap and both of us were on the same event so we talked a lot and later got his insta ID and we texted we shared our feelings and day to day things he was more of like a real best frnd...later he told me he got a breakup and he was trying to get over it and thts when he met me and now I make him lol...yeah thts the exact same thing he told me...I was like woww...making someone feel better is a reaalllly a great achievement for me then we talked a lot we shared whatsapp numbers we called later we started having late-night talks and  and m we were very close tht Ihe used to flirt around me just for kinda fun and I too took it like tht and kinda like I was attached to him...later one day I was asking smthg and the convo turned into his ex gf thing who brokeup with him in the beginning....Nd he suddenly told me like actually we started dating a moi before I forgot to tell you...I mean I didn't forget but she said not to tell anyone and I wassss likeeee sooooo maad and sad and like done...coz first thing he was in a relation and he kept flirting and saying those cute stuffs to me ....Nd we had late night convo and I started to actually have feelings for him and for him I was like a timepass just for fun....to talk to smone to flirt with someone when his gf is busy or not around....uk..and I was like sooo depressed Nd he told me I feel like I did smthg wrong to you I m sorry and she is actually waiting for me I need to go I might not be able to talk to you like I did Nd stuff...I was like ok bye if thts how u feel but trust me I was hella heartbroken it took me like soooo many months to get over it it was like  he was broken I fixed him he was happy and suddenly when she returns he forgets abt me ....y are these ppl doing such  things y can't they also think wht the other person feels...but now anyway I m over him and I am reaalllyyy proud and happy abt it...I m feeling soo much better now ...u all tc ....💖💖

Relationships

Can anyone talk with me I'm very lost and confused and I thought my life is a west off time always I wanted to die infact now I'm typing this I don't know who Read it who understands my feelings bt right now I thought abt suicide bt I don't wanna do this how I deal with this things I don't understand

3am Thoughts

Agar shaadi usi se honi hai, jiske sath destine me likha toh log dhoondhte kyu hai ?

Marriage

Day 50 
( Thanks for reading) 
I feel every thing now there had been family issues not able to sleep properly, crying continuosly , constant tension stree mistake I am not be make things right even when I know who is wrong . 

Family

Want a hug 🫂 😔😭

I’m new to this and wanna talk or atleast someone just listen. You dont have to care, you dont even have to comment. I just wanna say how I feel without someone I know judging me… and some of it jumps a lil, I was bored and was just writing what I was thinking so.

eople say it’s best to talk about how you feel then to hold it in. Hell, I even say it. But when I tell people what I’m thinking or try to explain how I think and the way I see things, they just think I’m stupid. Some say it other just give the look and that’s why I LITERALLY have no one to talk to that actually cares. My ex mentally scarred me and the drugs to maybe but mostly my ex and they things he did… NO ONE will ever understand how much I loved that man, he was my best friend… We did have a son, but we gave him up for adoption. It was best for the baby and I do get pictures of him! But he just cut my heart open and no one knows that I still bleed from that… I dont miss him and would never go back but, I miss the memories, and the good times from high school and before we got into drugs… Everyone ALWAYS picks someone or something over me… even as a friend and it just eats at me. I’m a loyal partner when in a relationship and a loyal friend, but everyone has ALWAYS done me wrong but yet… I’m still there… being nice and sucked back in… to think a man you thought you were going to be with forever, and the look in his eyes when he would hit me (mainly just use force or throw things at me) made me feel worthless. I made sure EVERYTIME he would do something I fought him back. He definitely had Mark’s on him, but sometimes even when he did throws things, I wouldnt fight back. I didnt wanna hurt him… it still hurts knowing I hurt someone I loved physically. Fuck his mentality. Even when I’m at my worse because of someone, I still wanna be there for them. I was blind (not really) and Iv yet to find someone. I told him i was done after him. And yet here I am, not even looking. More scared to try actually… When your on drugs, you dont care. (Been clean for 3 years) I know the difference between being beaten on drugs and being completely sober, and being beaten… and that’s when I left… Drugs definitely give you that mind set where you dont care and nothing feels real… It has been 3 years since I left him. It makes me mad that i miss him. I have my days where I’m happy and wanna go out of my comfort gone to make other people happy. Then I have my days where I’m just down, and I can only get back up half way. I like who I work with, but like my boss said, “be careful on who you tell things to, you cant trust anyone here” iv had this job for 3 years. There not my friends… All I do is annoy them… they deal with me because were at work and HAVE to be there. Friends hang out, friends talk OUTSIDE of WORK. Yaa iv hung out with a few people but, I never get asked… I’m never on someone’s mind, or someone’s first choice. No one cares to include me in on things. It hurts, it really does. I’m not happy. Fuck everything and everyone. I know I’m annoying and dumb sometimes, but I love to joke, I like to make people smile, and love to scare people. That’s just me… I’m extra and I dont know how to not be… it just happens. I dont think before I act, I’m just me and I’m sorry for that. Music set to the right volume,  can can either make you or brake you🤷‍♀️💤🤯🧠👏

Music

Good times come and go
Happy moments come and go
Trying times would come and go

No matter how bad it is, Hang on!!!!
Be kind with yourself.

For this too shall pass ❤️❤️❤️


Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts