Everything is a mess, my career, my famiy, my friendship and my situationship

This is the point when you know about life. Take a deep breath and release all the thoughts from head as you release air. Because all these problems you mentioned are related to your existence and what's the use of these if you arent calm. Plz write down your problems and think about possible solution. I hope you will get out of this. ✨

3am Thoughts

I used to feel sad but now I just feel numb. I have people who I love more than myself and they have so many expectations from me and I don't want to let anyone down but in all this I've lost myself and now I'm too tired to look for me again! I'm 21 and I'm already done with this life!! 

Lonely

Journal
Everything was fine till high school, and then college started.. My life just went down.. 
It has been 8months since college started.. 8months were really depressive and i have been going through high anxiety.. I had a relationship in school and now we are not in same college.. In my college I don't have good friends.., I'm not happy with them, I always feel worried and sad.. Suicidal thoughts have been coming across my mind.. My partner is very supportive but he is not there with me in college.. 
I feel like my life is over and there is no point to live further.. I failed for two subjects and i have to reappear them next year.. I don't know what to do... Anxiety is killing me daily.. All my friends are having a good time.. And I'm just surviving.. I want to die.. 

Anxiety

Beginning is out of our controls, so strive to change the ending. 

Other

I wrote something to describe me.

It feels like I’m in a Circus. A chaotic miserable circus that just never ends no matter how many times you try and try to escape there’s no way out. So you just play along juggling everything by yourself in an endless loop of panic. Or is it more like a carousel endlessly spinning over and over until it just. Breaks. There’s also a part of me that is more like a beach at 3 in the morning with waves crashing against rocks and a bright moon shining on my Face that seemed peaceful for a moment then a hurricane hits and we’re back to a Circus with so much noise my eardrums might explode but the noise are just thoughts flooding every square inch of me. The worst part is there’s no escape from myself. How do I protect me from me?

I just wanna talk about my OCD. If anyone who is going through the same or understands it. I would love to have a talk.

Relationships

A year back, christmas was fun. But today, just me sitting in my room, thinking 1000s of things, loneliness, and nothing excites me anymore except eating cake. 

I really want to run away, run away and disappear from everywhere. From social media, friends, family, and from this app as well.

Wierd 🤌

Startup idea: there should be scream rooms. Where we can scream at the top of our lungs. You know like there are rage rooms. Scream rooms should be a thing. Adults need it. I need it. Want to scream my heart out. Till I lose my voice for a few days. That type of screaming the ugly one. That is what I need rn. That's what I need. Only that will make me feel better. Cz at this point words fail. Therapy fails. Journaling fails. Comfort fails. I just need to scream it out, get it out of my system. Thank you for listening to my rant. Hope you're having a good day. 

Life

I am feeling i am not worthy. I am trying enough to be liked by everyone but its not possible. I feel that people dont want to be my side or i will make people bored. I feel no one likes me nor even my family. I was about to shoot a reel for some project of mine but I am failing terrible at it.I am not able to shoot just as i am getting nervous, not feeling confident in myself. Its not feeling good. the day before yesterday, i had a terrible breakdown. It felt everything is falling apart. I am  not able to focus at anything.I feel unproductive and lazy throughout the day. Even after motivating myself enough, i am not able to do anything. There are some days where I like to change somethings about me. What to do? How to stop feeling like this. It is terrible when you start disliking everything that you once enjoyed doing. I have been feeling this way from the past 2 3 days, even in last year i dealt with anxiety but now its again been started. I really want this to end completely.I want to feel good ,confident , i want to fall in love with myself but then these feelings keep arising, the feeling of not being enough for anyone, not able to keep friends, not being able to do things just because of insecurities, confidence.

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts