Every night I imagine what suicide note I’ll leave into this world bit then I can’t do that also because I do not want to dishonour the gift of life in this human body. And after imagining all I’ll cry my eyes out for hours. I have zero interests in anything these days and people just irritate me. I fear losing out on friends nd family, have already started losing them. I’m not coward but I do not want to die by suicide accident would be better but why I have these thoughts😖
I don’t know if it would be appropriate to ask so directly but did something happen, something heartbreaking or devastating? Something you repent doing or anything?
It’s nothing major. But a series of failure at something, a restricted monotonous life and few setbacks. Nothing major but series of smaller events, just fucking with my brain. I know there is misery all around and I’m fortunate enough that I atleast need not worry about food, clothes and shelter, but this reason does not help me anymore.
Hey there!!! I’d been exactly where you are. Please please please reach out to a professional psychologist for help. I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I finally got the help I needed and had to take some mood stabilizers for the condition. Please please reach out to your friends / family and tell them you need help. Please receive the help you require. YOU MATTER. Your existence matters!!!
Weekdays goes by easily, I have a job which keeps me occupied for 14-15 hours/day. Then comes weekdays, days I dont feel like leaving my bed. I din even do brush today (Sorry for the gross detail). I pray and I try to meditate but I’m having this feeling of being empty I can’t explain. In this covid situation I cannot go to a psychiatrist. I think I need medical help. I’ve a pretty negative team environment and I just want to quit my job but then I think, it atleast keeps me busy ( but my seniors are pretty toxic). What if I go more crazy when I’ve nothing to do or what if my negative team environment is taking a toll on my mental state. I don’t know what to do !? My family, they wont take this seriously I know. I’m trying my best to hold up but I just want to be at a happy place. These moments (like right now) I dont know why I cry so much, I just dont have control ober myself which is kind of embarrassing.
It’s perfectly normal for you to cry. Cry until you tire and then cry some more. Get it all out. Do not feel embarrassed about crying. Please, promise to not feel embarrassed about your feelings. It’s okay to feel the way you do. I know that it feels like it’s wrong and you should be more strong. But this moment, without even realising, while you are crying your heart out, you are being a tower of strength. Reach out to your inner self and try to find even the tiniest amount of love you can muster for yourself. Please remember “you are wonderful”. It’s okay. You will find yourself back. I promise.
Thank you for the kind words. 🙂
It’s all normal what you feel…we all have same feeling smtimes…it is copletly curable…the best advice is to call toll free helplines regarding mental stress …you can search in google …you’ll surely get life changing advice…other ways are moving to psychologist/psychiatrist and talk to them abt what you are going through…we are always with you
