Ever fell in love in something by keeping everything at stake?. And after few years do you thing was it worth ? Even you haven't got it

I hope that whenever i recollect and rethink about who I love I would like to feel a smile like if she didn't enter my life i wouldn't have know the meaning of love and how it feels when they leave you even they know how important they are to you.. 

Also sometimes people are aware of the pain and suffering still human are bound to make decisions. So they do

Anxiety

Paaya boond sa bhi nahi, Aur khone ka dar samandar jitna hai.

3am Thoughts

Hi, I am a student at IIT-GUWAHATI conducting research on social anxiety, because me and my team are trying to make a better place(app) for people who have anxiety.

So i need some help from you people. 

please message me, if any of you are interested in becoming a part of it.


Anger Issues

Nights gone un-answered, days slept too early.
Peeps become silent , chaos lefted out silently.
Soul becomes noise full. Turmoiling things got slaved.


Depression

I wanna quit. 
Quit everything. 
This thing inside me is eating me up piece by piece everyday. 
But there's a person in my life whom I can't leave. Or maybe I don't want to leave them. Because I know that we don't have anyone else other than ourselves. 
But this feeling is getting stronger day by day. I don't know how to tell that person. 
Today I asked them a question. 
"Who do you trust the most in life?"
"You" they said.
"Who do you trust the most after me?"
"No one."

They asked me many times why I asked this question but I couldn't reply. I mean what could I have said? 

I'm getting exhausted. I don't have any energy left in me. 

Why don’t I like physical touch or even like people at all romantically? Like I love the idea of a relationship and being their for someone in their darkest times and in their best moments. But I don’t like the idea of physical touch, but at the same time I want it? Sometimes I love the idea of love but I hate it when other people talk about it or ask myself about it. I’m just I’m so confused with who I am. 

Love is the best medicine/ poison💔

Love

Ab to din ki shuruvat din se hi ho rahi 
Daily ki hi baat ho gayi hai

Conflict

I want to share these things if someone could help me out to handle this.
I have severe OCD, even though I have been diagnosed for the past three years. Still i am not seeing any improvement. But whenever the doctor asks me how i am feeling, by that time i feel i am fine. But after returning home, especially when i am alone or no one sees me, i behave like mad.
These are my symptoms I am facing -
I am always scared of god or any devotional thing (either it is pic, or song i hear, any temple near my place), i feel like my sitting or lying position is directed towards any temple or god pictures..etc..so i cant sit or lay down properly for more than seconds.. i always gets up and slaps me and then sit again..i wont be satisfied.. i again gets up and slaps me and sit…again repeat the same thing too many times till i feel like to cry.
When ever i read a book or watch tv or sitting idle or doing some office work, all of a sudden i get the god/goddess pictures flashes in my mind. and immediately i imagine them nude and their private parts or having sex each other, even some times with me too. —- so i feel guilty and stands on my feet and slaps myself and asking for forgiveness and crying and begging excuse of my sinful thoughts - and i don’t be satisfied by doing this once or twice. I do it repeatedly till i get tired
I always get thoughts of spitting on the god pics, always want to kick them with my feet - immediately i realized it and again asking for an excuse repeatedly.
I heard in my child hood that ‘Sani Dev’ is the powerful god and punish us for any sinful acts. I always remembers the name ‘Sani’ prompting that ‘Sani , Sani’, .. if i want to do anything, i immediately get a thought of ‘if i sit like this, Sani will attack, if i do like that Sani will come...if i drink water, Sani, If i don’t read this, Sani’ and i keep changing my positions, directions, repeatedly..
and i wanted to wash my legs properly and if i don’t wash properly, ‘Sani’ will attack..so i repeatedly wash legs again and again and make sure no gaps...if a single drop of water fall on my leg or even if i feel wet on any of my leg, i have to wash my legs fully, otherwise ‘Sani’.. repeatedly...repeatedly..
It became how severe is, all my thoughts of God got replaced by Sani.. Yes..I am getting thoughts of spitting on Sani, Abusing Sani with bad words, having sexual thoughts with Sani..I feel like if i get some thoughts of any other god like this, somehow i could ask for forgiveness and feel relief.. But getting these thoughts on Sani Dev is like a hell to me...i really don’t know how to pray how much i should beg for my abnormal thoughts.
And thinking about over cleaning repeatedly washing hands ..especially when i am in periods, i literally change my dress at least 5 to 6 times in a day and even though if i wash my hands face properly, still i get the doubts like if there is any stain earlier…and i shouldn’t touch there, my clothes shouldn’t touch there, so immediately remove that dress and i shouldn’t be get touched myself by those clothes, so i wash repeatedly again and again… I can’t stop washing if any water drops spill over from the wash basin ,. Also i repeatedly clean the things like chair, sofa…etc. thinking that my period stains touch that place, if i place my mobile or any object by mistake at that place, i do wash them too repeatedly…i even clean the things though they are not touching directly also...like it should be cleaned if any other object which is in contact of any other object that again which is in contact of that used clothes or anything like a chain (though there are no stains at all).
I am really tired of doing all these things on the whole day, i am unable to sleep properly, feeling to commit suicide, whenever i see high buildings, places… i desperately wanted to jump over it..
I am still taking the medicines for this, still i am not happy with the treatment. I am really fed up of taking pills from so long time and want to stop...that’s why i am cheating myself and telling that i am fine to the doctor and to my husband (he literally frustrated with me, he is getting angry if i tell him that still i have problem or if i am not fine)..
I always want to punish myself for my thoughts, scared of each and every moment in my life, scared of the next minute of my life thinking something bad may happen..It is disturbing my work life, personal and family life..
Please help.. please help..


Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts