Now&Me @nowandme
Each and every childhood experience is unique. While many of us might grow up in a nurturing environment, it is essential to acknowledge the experiences of those raised in unsafe, abusive environments. Today we have with us Sharmistha Banerjee to answer questions around the theme of ‘Growing up with emotional abuse and trauma.’
About Sharmistha Banerjee-
Sharmistha is an experienced counseling psychologist and a certified CBT practitioner. She believes in keeping a holistic approach to understanding people’s lives and is an inherently inquisitive individual. She appreciates open and transparent intellectual discussions. She presently has a private practice and is a consulting psychologist with two online companies. She is trauma informed, queer affirmative and a feminist and has experience working with people suffering from anxiety, depression, trauma, abuse and others and hopes to make mental well-being more accessible and available for everyone 🌻
Feel free to ask her any and all questions aligning with the theme in the comments section without a smidge of hesitation! ⬇️
P.S- You can also book a therapy session with Sharmistha here:
https://nowandme.com/therapy/individual/-kx1soABE6-36DRfq3ne
Remember that asking questions shows strength, not weakness. 🤗💐
🧡 Ask away and stay informed! 🧡
Why my mind is not able to think anything
I am 26 year old
Earlier I was most happiest and most active guy but now I lost all interest
Even after lot of efforts I am not finding track
I am the same as well, I feel confused and lost, but ~24
R u vaccinated?
Not even a single dose I have till now, but corona bhi donot wanna hug me😅
Because can’t kill myself directly, so I wish corona make it easy for me. Thanks man🤗
We are already connected
I’m one of your connections
🙂🙂
Sharmistha @sharmistha_banerjee
Hey there! Life has taken a toss since the pandemic hit. We’re still learning to cope with it. And that is absolutely alright. This is a once in lifetime occurrence and no one taught us to deal with it. You’re doing everything you can with what you know. We’re all in the same boat, just in different levels.
When the mind has stretched beyond a point due to stress (too much stress or for too long) it’s elasticity wavers or weakens. Just like if you work out too much it can cause further damage to tissue or even be injurious. In that case, what do we do? We rest, we recover and we start slowly getting back to working out. Same applies with the mind. You can start working on activities which replenish your mind like meditation, talking to friends or a professional, journaling or keeping a thought dump, pick up hobbies you’ve loved before, listening to music, engaging in art forms, aromatherapy and so on.
I’m here to remind you that you’re a survivor of this new world and you’re still learning. A few mistakes along the way does not make you a loser.
Take care!
Thank you💜
My father is abusive and beacuse of that we had many big fights and i eventually decide not to talk with him but always end up having a conversation and everything goes back to normal i dont know why i am not been able to hold a strong grudge against him
Ik it sounds stupid but it is what it is
I have exactly the same situation. Unfortunately I am still dependent financially on my family. So I’m not able to just cut off
Sharmistha @sharmistha_banerjee
Hi there! Growing up with abusive parents is very difficult for many reasons. I can understand what you’re going through. Children are hard wired (biologically speaking) to love or be affectionate towards their parents. For us to see our parents in a bad light makes us confused. At one end you want to escape the environment and on the other you’re scared of letting go off of them. This push and pull is common among people who are survivors of abuse. In my personal opinion, try to see your father as just another human being by bringing him down from the pedestal of a parent. I am not asking you to forgive him for all that he has done but understanding the situation will help give you clarity.
Take care!
Sharmistha @sharmistha_banerjee
Hello! In your situation, what will help is trying to gain control of your financial situation by using whatever KSAs (knowledge, skills or abilities) you have through internships, short term work or various jobs on the internet. I can understand that giving out this advice is easier said than done but even the pursuit of being able to independently find an income source is going to be a comfort for you.
Take care!
Hello ma’am
25yr old female here
I have history of S. assault by 3 people (1 acquaintance cum outsider and 2 belonging to my family but minors) all of which happened between the age of 7-10 yrs.
I have extreme social anxiety and major trust issues. Apart from that I have a toxic home environment (gross neglect - suspicious parents - over protective yet high expectations - thinking that providing money is the solution to all problems - also, a very dysfunctional marriage with horrible fights and blame gaming all the time). Anyway I was in total denial about my trauma until a couple of years ago and since then, there have been problems like having the worst kind of nightmares when I come across my perpetrators (those who belong to my family) and just flashbacks of things I had tried to supress throughout my childhood. Career is also on crossroads and I wasnt aware of my anxiety attacks happening since 12-13 years now. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety but I am still unable to proceed for trauma based CBT with medication as suggested by my psychologist. I have a history of self harm/sabotage as well and I have more than one reason to believe I am totally not gonna be anything in life because my own mind doesnt allow me to. I have issues doing simplest things and I have been suicidal from time to time. How do I really proceed in life. I honestly am totally disgusted with my life and dont know if I should…exist anymore. I would like some insight on how to end this cycle of self hate, disgust and failure.
Fuck! I thought I was reading my notes. I am sorry and like more power to you to be able to do articulately out it out here. I still struggle to be concise and accurate and considerate and validating about everything to myself. This has shaken me and probably woken me to put all this into words and not just cruise through it like it was nothing.
I hope you can get away from those people and make a safe space for yourself where you’re not constantly have episodes of c-ptsd and having to avert your triggers so the abusers and perpetrators are comfortable. I really hope the same for me. I hope you get to have such a wonderful life going forward, so much healing and love that all this seems so far and you wake up one day feeling invincible and so safe that such ****** ***** just become a terrible nightmare of the past and have no power over you.
I am sorry for there will be no closure or justice, I am sorry to you & me and anyone and everyone, us, who was put through abuse and the worst of humankind. There is no excuse for it, no explanation for it in my opinion. And there is no taking blames and shaming ourselves or shutting down or not acknowledging what really happened just to avoid the guilt and shame they’ve given us. It’s not ours it’s theirs, if they don’t have the capacity to carry their own, it’s not our fault. But it’s not our burden to carry for them, no. (That’s me telling myself mostly, because I think I needed to hear that and I don’t think it’ll change my inner dialogue rn but I think it feels a bit light to shed a bit of shame and that ‘maybe I asked for it’ feeling and because my own brother said something on those lines to me after he kept holding me and touching me everywhere and saying i wish your boobs grew and shaming me for not having them and when after maybe months, I confronted him and he told me i was asking for it taking a statement I said when u didn’t want him to hold me from the back (let’s touch our stomachs instead u said, because he’d beat me and my parents and grandmother would say if you stop getting irritated he’ll stop doing it so I never had the courage to deny him so i suggested something else that didn’t feel so much violating than having your brother song you from behind everyday with his **** stuck to my bottom from behind and I’m stuck there and no adult is around to see) at age 9/10 (3 yrs older than me) , i was probably 6/7 then and that’s where it all began the safe of being abused and staying quiet but acting as if nothing ever bothered me, and after my first public suicide attempt things turned I turned tbh, and the little control and balance i tried to keep in life by looking like everyone else and being like everyone else that seemed to see me.
I apologise for such graphic language everything just came out of me.
And thank you to you for sharing your darkness so i could share mine. (I am sorry if you wouldn’t call it darkness, i feel mine is so the analogy of sorts)
Thank you thank you again n again. And lots of love, hope, safety and just kick-ass life to you. You’ve come so far, you’re being a light for me. Thanks for existing you’re appreciated
I am so so sorry about what happened. I am sorry because others werent. I am sorry because you need deserve an apology. I am sorry the world is the worst and I can do nothing to protect you or all of the people who are going through stuff like that. I hope you dont want to end things now and are in a better place. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. You are brave and I respect you from the bottom of my heart. More power to us ❤️
Thank you so much. Sending you the same compassion and assurance.
Sharmistha @sharmistha_banerjee
Hi I’m so very sorry that you have and still are going through so much in your life. Just a fraction of what you’ve been through breaks apart other people. That being said, I don’t consider you victorious because you have been through so much. It is because inspite of others trying to smother your fire, you are here. You are fighting. And I know how exhausting it is to find your thoughts and environment daily. I can under why you would want to give up. But there is a life out there which is full of hope and happiness for you. You just can’t see it yet that doesn’t mean it won’t ever happen for you.
Surviving in an abusive environment is very difficult for many reasons. The most potent one being the confusion that comes with it. You want to let go but you’re scared to be left alone.
Ma’am I sincerely believe you can try to seek out professional help (of your choice) at the earliest. Your mind and body has suffered through a lot and the recovery will also take time. Try to find alternatives in terms of doctors or professionals. Sometimes the doctor-patient set up does not match just like any other relationship. This shouldn’t deter you from hoping for a better life. I truly believe you have the power to change your life and the cycle you seem to be stuck in.
Today I’m lending you some of my power.
Take care!
Hey, Idk no one respects me, I think it’s because I’m brown or black, which makes me feel insecure. Idk if it’s just in my head or if it’s true, but I seriously loathe my face and personality.
What should a person do in this scenario, either wait until they die and live a life with low self-esteem until then, or try to overcome it, but how?
I doubt you understood what I’m going through.
I’m not sure what to do; I’m just frustrated with life; I have no friends, no love, and nothing but a dull existence.
Sharmistha @sharmistha_banerjee
Hi there! You’re right, I can’t begin to understand you with just a couple of lines. What I do understand is the situation that you’re facing.
Any person who refuses to respect you because of your face or complexion is someone you’re better off without anyway. They’re giving you a superficial level of respect. Our youth or beauty or skin or glamour stays for only so long. Whereas our personality, our life story, the lives you impact, your mind and intellect transverse time. If a person were to respect only your outward appearance, they expecting you to fulfil their idea of attractiveness. For long can you go around fulfilling every person’s idea of beauty? You’re not responsible for how other people behave or perceive you. You’re responsible of yourself, your mind and your actions. I would also like to ask you, who are these people who surround you to make you feel inadequate? Are they even worth being around? Can you surround yourself with people who accept you just as you are?
Take care!
I don’t know why I shut down at the slightest inconvenience. I was a victim of csa when I was a child.
#metoo
Sharmistha @sharmistha_banerjee
Hi! Life can seem like a bunch of land mines thrown across all over. And having to tip toe around your life. It can cause a lot of stress and that is what you’re going through (in part).
Many survivors of CSA grow up with very skewed perception of self and low self esteem. In a way they think their existence is an inconvenience or a burden for others. Now I don’t know enough about you to suggest that this is what you’re facing but if it is true then I can tell you one important thing about surviving. It’s the ones who survive have the burden of remembering everything that happened to them. Every time you choose to heal, the memories pull you back. This becomes a vicious cycle. Let me remind you that healing comes in waves. In order to escape this loop, you need to understand it first. Once you understand, you can predict it and then eventually control it. Thereby, instead of escaping (which is short term relief) you can master it.
Take care!
Thank you
Whatever sexual abuse happened with me when I was young, I still remember them all, sometimes I even feel gross like once a man who might be the age of my father pressed his shoulder against my breasts and when I stared at him he laughed.
This makes me think like I am dirty.
I have been body shamed alot though I ve lost all the weight now but body shaming comments are still there which I ll never forget no matter how fit I get.
Sharmistha @sharmistha_banerjee
Hi! I can understand how the world perceives women as nothing more than pleasure objects and birthing machines. Whenever we do have an experience of SA we feel immense amounts of disgust and anger. While the correct outlet is the perpetrator, we can’t (or we think we can’t) show them that they’ve affected us or we fear what might happen if we decide to step up. So we don’t. All of the residual anger and disgust then rebounds back to us - internally. We begin to despise, loathe and blame our bodies. It wasn’t us that caused that. It wasn’t you who “asked for it”. Because if we do want it, we would ask for it literally.
Being in tandem and appreciating your body is a journey like any relationship. Somedays you won’t like it while in others you’ll feel marvellous. Regardless which stage you are on remember that you’re learning how to love yourself and that is all that matters. It is a long journey and I wish you strength, patience and forgiveness that you can give to yourself.
Take care!
🌻🌻❤
I think i was a neglected child. Body shamed my whole life. Yep i was fat. Now i got no confidence. No skills. Can’t even concentrate on studies. My mind is a mess now. My life sucks. I can’t communicate. I try to do better but i fail. Every time. I’m suicidal too so there’s that an added bonus. I’m a coward who can’t even take their own life.
The causes were different but I’m the same result can’t do shit, can’t think anything but bad shit about myself and everything and have almost like disowned myself for being here. I think I get it and all is like to say is Listen to Doctor Ramini, after my research of 2 years i found her to be the only one who got me out of this illusion of these people and shame and everything. It’s not going to be easy to hear, you might learn things you’ve never even heard of and it’s going to be a rollercoaster but learn and educate yourself because deciding anything or setting your my or yourself to be like. You’re more than this, we’re more than this mate! Don’t let these toxic things and words become so engraved because they’re not real, they’re other people’s projections and control. I hope you feel better, think better and atleast know what this is so you can decide for yourself what to do with all of the information
I am surprised to see, I’m not alone. I am brown skinned not very good looking average girl with not very great life. I try ignoring all this and just laugh and enjoy everything however I can. But then suddenly a slight ignore from anyone or looking in mirror or just seeing my friends getting appreciated (and they all have lighter skin tones) brings me back to these gloomy times. I know we have to raise above all this, and not compare ourselves but how to just ignore whats exactly in front of me… that I can never be good enough because of the way I look. When I was younger, my mother use to tell me to focus on studies more as I don’t have anything else anyway. And when I were distracted by some guy or something, she use to tell me, can you believe that anyone can ever love you, just look at yourself. I use to cry to bed then. But now I can’t do that but atleast I can learn to be happy the way I am. Can anyone really help someone like me
Sweetie dont let your tome define you. You are soo much more! One doesnt have to be fair to be called pretty or whatever…we love in such a progressive world! Chin up sis!
Tone* smh
Sharmistha @sharmistha_banerjee
Hi there! It is remarkable (sarcastically speaking) that in a country dominated by 80% brown or dark brown skinned people we still strive to behave like our colonists. The colonial mindset to see fair as beauty is the fault of our previous generations for continuing it. I can understand how not seeing yourself in the light of beauty or what is attractive is exhausting. The entire cosmetic industry thrives on making us feel inadequate.
Any person who refuses to respect
you because of your face or
complexion is someone you’re better
off without anyway. They’re giving
you a superficial level of respect. Our
youth or beauty or skin or glamour
stays for only so long. Whereas our
personality, our life story, the lives
you impact, your mind and intellect
transverse time. If a person were to
respect only your outward
appearance, they expecting you to
fulfil their idea of attractiveness. For
long can you go around fulfilling
every person’s idea of beauty? You’re
not responsible for how other people
behave or perceive you. You’re
responsible of yourself, your mind
and your actions. I would also like to
ask you, who are these people who expect you to fulfil their ideas of attraction?
Hi Sharmishta,
Hope you have been keeping well.
My parents fight frequently. Majorly since the pandemic and it is continuing. Considering their age factor, they are reluctant to change their mindset, habits, and negative emotions built over the years. Due to being confined at home - my brother & I are fed up of it with the terms of leaving the house and ‘bhaad mei jao’ feel. It is not just getting on my nerves, but can’t just unsee it due to the empathetic nature I have. I no more feel sad but tests my patience and I have a rush of anger.
How to channelise it in the right manner knowing it is not going to stop and they will use harsh words, actions that might be traumatizing for us to hear.
Sharmistha @sharmistha_banerjee
Hi there! I can understand that being in an environment which seems unpredictable causes a lot of stress. I also get that you don’t want to put in the effort to change them considering that they are well set into their ways. While it is physically difficult to escape such environments or situations, you can try to engage in forming a trustworthy social circle. In this space, you can vent out about whatever is going on in your home. If you can’t change something in your life, you can change the way you’re seeing it or experiencing it. By talking to people who will listen to you; you will end up feeling lighter than before. Although it won’t solve the issue but it will provide relief. Additionally, you can work on a systematic plan on how you can move out of your home environment. By planning you can set a time line for yourself which will give you a deadline for when you can move on. Until them, you can prepare yourself mentally, physically and financially.
Take care!
I do EXACTLY the same and feel good as a validation that I’m on the right track.
Follow-up question, if I move out (I have because I live in Hostel now), that thought of my parents fighting and can do things that are dangerous in an act of anger and have no one to control, what if it goes out of hand?
Right now, it’s me to handle and try to make things better but behind my back, it can totally go south.
Is this something out of my control that I shouldn’t worry about much? As I do my bit being a child while staying home.
Sharmistha @sharmistha_banerjee
Yes that is indeed a difficult situation to transverse. Worrying for your parents will remain a constant even after you move out. Although it is expected that since you wouldn’t be experiencing all of it first hand, the effect of it on you will be lesser. Eventually, the actions that your parents take will be borne by them. I know that being a silent spectator in all of it can be frustrating. The parents who expect their children to solve their issues are in the wrong. It creates co-dependency in children which is not at all healthy.
There is another way out of this. This method takes longer and will be more exhausting but it will have long lasting effect. It is to establish a healthy communication and expectations boundary with your parents. You can try to seek professional help or research into this method.
Thank you so much for your time and help! 💗
I don’t know how to move on from trauma of abuse.
Deleted @anxius_mizlost
I am so confused about the abuser because the system in my family was very confusing, both my parents spoke for each other and then the person they said it on the behalf of didn’t really own up to it so I never knew if anyone was ever accountable and if there was any way to get through to anyone.
And since my first relationship I’ve reflected and educated myself a bit about how all my relationships have been with controlling people or toxic people to put that under an umbrella and i still am with one such person and can’t seem to get out of it. And get my own life sorted. And no real person in my life knows about this. It’s just my parents & this guy (trying to distance myself because it’s panic inducing)
Anyways, all i wanted to know is where do I start because I seem to feel like I’m just stuck in survival mode and that too i can’t accept to anyone because I know what will come and that’s already done a lot of damage in gaslighting me and me gaslighting and invalidating myself so much i don’t know what’s real and what am I supposed to feel and what do I feel? I can’t trust anything, I can’t seem to move anything, not myself, not the shit out of my life that makes me physically sick and the next moment I’ll convince myself how they all are right and i best myself up more and more and now I don’t know where to go, there’s no out. I’d like to know where to start?. I’m sorry for I’ve divulged and idk if I am even making sense, I hope I am for I really need to put this out there because it’s like the walls have closed up on me and there barely time to decide which way I gotta go because living like this is worse than not existing at all. I don’t want this life if this is all there is and I’ll just have to be invalidated, dismantled and this constant trying to please everyone and hating yourself every second and literally living in anxiety 24*7 and the moment I feel like I can breathe, I’m baited and triggered or stonewalled and imposed control on and then i just go with it to only hate myself again and get so angry in my head and bitter and still helpless and all the anger comes on me because I don’t have the balls to cut these people off or just be like them or just stand up to them, i tried and sometimes i try again but it turns worse whenever I don’t comply.
Pls help me, i don’t want to turn into them nor do I want to live like this.
Thank you so much for this opportunity and thank you to everyone here who didn’t get a childhood that every child deserves, along with me. Hopefully we’ll figure it out before it all ends and if not, we’ll be here for each other in whatever ways we can and I’m very thankful for now&me and the Doctors taking the time and effort to do this.
Thank you again. 🫂
Deleted @anxius_mizlost
https://nowandme.com/fuck-i-thought-i-was-reading-my-notes-AdYladRjonq61FU
And this is a part as well of me and so many other unhealed and unrelated trauma and abuse that I can’t sum together to one place. Sorry about that
Sharmistha @sharmistha_banerjee
Hi there!
From what you’ve written I can understand how much chaos you’re in daily in terms of thoughts, emotions and people in your life. I can truly understand how tiring it must be for you to be constantly fighting all the elements around you and your own thoughts as well. Escaping the abusive cycle is very intricate process, for which I cannot guide you here.
Since there is very little information for me to go, I will give steps that you can try to integrate into your life to deal with this:
1) Focus on yourself and maintain a healthy physical + mental health regime. Start out small (one minute activities) and remember that the process matters more than the goal.
2) Read up or watch videos on psychological first aid for anxiety. These are tips and tricks to curb or hack your anxiety symptoms.
3) Reach out to people around you (people you trust) and also a professional (of your choice). A professional can help guide across the vicious cycle you’re stuck in by engaging in active dialogue with you.
Take care!
Deleted @anxius_mizlost
Thank you so much doc, this is so valuable. And i shall adhere to all of them slowly, as you suggested start small. It’s hard to continue to do anything everyday for me as when there is too much happening mentally or between these toxic relations of mine then it’s like I can’t even move.
But yes, I shall try to do my best to stick to the basics you’ve suggested me. Hoping to be able to get some psychological /professional help but can’t afford as of now as I live on bare minimums provided by my parents and have no friends and in a controlling yet undetectable situationship and his bed in the same room as mine so it’s hard to have any control over little things ugh! Enough with my rant I guess
Thank you so much, so so much for taking the time and resources to help me out.
Sending you all the love and peace of mind after reading such hard stuff from all of us. Thank you! Good night
I need to talk for a solution
Sharmistha @sharmistha_banerjee
Sure! What do you want to know?
Ma’am please tell the best way to stay away from negative thinking people
Sharmistha @sharmistha_banerjee
Hi! I’ll be honest. You can’t select the kind of people who come into your life but you can choose the ones who continue to stay in it. If you so feel that a person is affecting your thinking, you can put a pause on the relationship and think it through whether you want to continue to be with them or not.
What is also under your control is how you perceive the people who come into your life. If you change the way you see, you’ll feel different about it too. You can’t control other’s actions/thoughts but you’re responsible for your own emotions/thoughts. Imagine it like wearing the right powered spectacles to be able to properly interact with your environment.
Take care!
Thank you ma’am, My name is Shreyash, Nice to meet you… After reading your valuable thoughts, I feel energetic also get confidence and believe in me. Thank you😄
I love my parents but since ehen i was a child they are not in good terms eith eachother constant fights even with my grandparents… so now I’m 22 and we are like strangers in a home we they provide me with enough things but not love or happiness…i never talked to them openly I’m afraid too …my mom has anger issues she just wants me to get good scores in exam and the college pressure is a lot for ke sice my parents are not trying to understand what I’m going through…i hv this suicidal thoughts even i don’t trust my friends i can’t open up to anyone nor my life is still in a dumbster even if i worked hard and it makes me more sad seeing others not even putting half my effort is enjoying and getting everything i wanted … it’s been years since i hv been happy and peaceful … I’m tired of constantly convincing soon everything will be alright but waited long enough
Sharmistha @sharmistha_banerjee
Hey there!
I understand what you’re going through, truly. Life feels like a curtain around you where you’re separated from everything that provides happiness. You feel like a spectator watching your own life unfold and feel like you’re not in control.
I’m so sorry that your parents have not been there for you. I am also proud that you’ve started seeing them as humans who are making mistakes (that doesn’t make them 100% bad). While there may be many reasons for why your parents behave the way they do, it won’t solve the issues at hand.
What I can help you with is a reminder. The majority of your life is still left. Going by average life expectancy, it’s still good 60 years left. Do you want to continue to carry forward all of which you’ve put through so far into the rest of your life too?
I truly believe you have the power to change your life and grab that happiness you’ve only been a spectator for. There is so much more to life than what has been shown to you. I want you to try to remember (as hard as possible) a moment where you felt happy and understand that you’re not incapable of achieving it. You deserve happiness, love and beautiful moments. Try to read up on famous self help books (audio books if that help) and start planning systematically a life for yourself. Plan a life where you see yourself happy and contented. Once you can see it, start working your way towards it. Even one small step makes a difference.
Take care!
Thankyou so much for ur love filled words. God bless ✨
anonymous @literally_me
I have faced a lot of problems in my family and still facing… I couldn’t make my parents ever Understand… they never tried to… they had their own problems though! It took time but Atleast I’ve understood that only thing I can do is accept… acceptance is the key …
But it’s really Soooo sweet of you… helping and giving advices to others in there need❤️… You’re really beautiful… take love may God give you more power to be okay so that you can keep others okay too✨
Sharmistha @sharmistha_banerjee
Thank you so much for your kind words for us all! In a world where everyone jumps at being unkind to others, here you are uplifting us.
More power to you!
Take care!
Pratibha Saha @anathema09
Hi Sharmistha. I wanted to know whether you take individual counselling sessions. Would love to know more.
Thanks.
Sharmistha @sharmistha_banerjee
Hi there! Yes, I do. You can find my profile in the therapy section of the Now&Me website/app.
Hey… my father is abusive… he uses to abusive us and my mom as well… my mom doesn’t say anything… from our childhood we are seeing this…
My father tried to molest my younger sister when my sister told my mother… my mother didn’t believe my sister… meaning… my mom never supported us… she has a good heart but she doesn’t go against my father… we don’t talk to our father because he is a monster… but she wants us to respect him… i don’t know how is that possible…
I am 28 yrs old… i was in a 4 yrs of relationship but my mother always had objections on my relationship… they are not finding me any guy but they didn’t let me had this relationship…
I feel so alone… i don’t feel like talking to anyone…
I tried to cut all the connection from my family… but my called me and cried and said why am i doing this… she does not understand me
I just want to ask… Will it be good for me to cut all the connection from my family…
Sharmistha @sharmistha_banerjee
Hey!
I’m so sorry that you’ve had to experience such horrible things. I can understand the pain you are carrying around all the time.
The desire to escape the environment where you experienced abuse is completely normal and is experienced by all SA survivors.
Let me ask you, do you see yourself genuinely happy without being in contact with your family? If yes, then go for it regardless of the reactions. They will fade away eventually. If your answer is No or I don’t know, then try to put some amount of distance and time between yourself and your family for a period of time. Think of it as a pause and not a complete full stop. Usually some time and distance tends to give people clarity about what they truly need and what they have to do.
Take care!
I don’t care about anyone but my mom… i don’t want to hurt her… i don’t even want to go there… i don’t live with my family… but my mom cries if we don’t go there…she is not doing anything for us or for herself…
In today’s date i can’t see my mom getting abused by that man… I don’t know what to do… She is not doing anything… and she wants us to respect him…
I wish i could go somewhere far from them… I am in so much pain… i am all alone in my life… I don’t have any friends… because my father never let us meet anyone… when i was 13 15 yrs old… he used to abuse me… body shaming… he didn’t let me go anywhere… He is a narcissist… i hate him…
I have these incidents imprinted on my soul and it hurts so much and i don’t know how to remove these
Sharmistha @sharmistha_banerjee
I can understand what a tough spot you’re in. I feel if you can build a trusting relationship with your mother where she sees your point of view (to as much degree as possible) and also can feel like you can take the responsibility of her; it will eventually help the both of you to escape the environment that you’re in. Do keep in mind that her mind has been set in ways for a long time so any change will take time. But if you’re patient, careful and trusting she will eventually bend to your mindset.
In the meantime, if things escalate please keep certain contacts of women’s NGOs or helpline numbers with you. Hope it doesn’t ever come to it but drastic situation can call for a drastic measure. In that case, you’ll be prepared.
Additionally, it’s never too late to start building a friendship. You have access to internet and communication skills. You can use them to start now.
Take care!
my mother eloped with some other guy when i was 3, so my dad took care of us 3 kids and hot remarried 10 years ago., now im 21…we’re a complete family since…my dad had to face many hardships to bring us up and we are very grateful for that…but now he feels entitled bcoz of his “good deeds” and abuse us sibling and my step mom too…we never considered her as a stepmom, she was part of the family since day 1…but now my dad just walks around the house all day yelling and ordering and just not being a good person…, My sister ran away a month ago bcoz of this and we’re now constantly taunted that’ we should run away too…and be namak haram, its so frustrating and heartbreaking for me…sometimes i feel like to stand up but his “good deeds” comes in the way of opposing him even in the situation where he is clearly wrong…idk whta to do now
Sharmistha @sharmistha_banerjee
Hi there! I can understand how much anger or resentment you feel towards your father. Unfortunately even in today’s day and age men hide behind a mask of a “provider”. I’m sorry for all that you’ve been through.
In my opinion, it will be good for you to start standing up to him. Start out very slow and in spaced out situations. The control of your life and how it is being led lies with you and no one else. If you want a life of change, you can begin by taking control of how much you let him affect you. While this method is very rebellious in its perception, it’s actually building a healthy strong set of boundaries between relationships.
Take care!
I have faced a same. I cant describe it same as a trauma but yes i have been abandoned by my parents. More to this my mom has abused me like many times and even dad too
My father has a narrow thinking towards this generation, he is an typical Indian father who wants her daughter’s to get married and be a housewife. He is letting us study because he says life is unpredictable after marriage if something happens your knowledge would help you to live. That’s right. But he is extremely strict. He doesn’t even let us go to our friends house or anywhere out with our friends. He is so concerned about society and his reputation he forgot about our happiness. Plus he is super abusive. He is not only abusive towards his children but also towards his wife. He is now a bad human but he is egoistic and thinks whatever he do is right. He doesn’t even have the slightest idea about my mental health. I have been suffering with depression mostly because of him. I kind of hate him for a lot of things, I understand that he’s a human too but that doesn’t mean he will be so blind and stubborn.
Sharmistha @sharmistha_banerjee
Hi there! I can understand how much
anger or resentment you feel
towards your father. Unfortunately
even in today’s day and age men
hide behind a mask of a “provider”
I’m sorry for all that you’ve been
through.
In my opinion, it will be good for you
to start standing up to him. Start out
very slow and in spaced out
situations. The control of your life
and how it is being led lies with you
and no one else. If you want a life of
change, you can begin by taking
control of how much you let him
affect you. While this method is very
rebellious in its perception, it’s
actually building a healthy strong set
of boundaries between relationships.
Take care!
Ok I will try this but still it’s not easy to fight with your own parents. If I do so then he would emotionally manipulate me and then I can’t do anything.
