Dude, why turning 17 is considered to be a big deal?
I turned 17 and my life was literally hell. bruhh

Everything hits different when you enter adult hood

That's when you finish your 12th and step into real world.. welcome

3am Thoughts

I sleep, and wake up thinking. Oh I guess I woke up again today.. that's darkness. 

2nd day of breakup 😅 but I've decided to take revenge . Success is the biggest revenge . 

Does anyone hate your family and you feel lonely??

Lonely

I dont know what is happening wid me ..rit now i am messed up wid almost every single thing..i am feeling so down that i even don't know where to start... I have now entered into that level of comfort zone that now i am facing difficulties to get out of that zone.. My everysingle thing is fucked up. I hate going college..i dont have frnds in college especially in my class... So i avoid even going to college nd so my attendance is short ...nd many many more things in which I'm fucked. Iam not getting happy from inside ..i want to start my way from starting but howww??
I am an overthinker..nd i overthink on large scale ..nd thats how i fuck up.

Depression

Stuck up in past
Help me to overcome 😭

Can someone (neet aspirant ) suggest me  one shot video lecture for optics 

College

As the holidays are approaching, I am not ready for them. This year the holiday season will be a very difficult time. I don’t have Meredith anymore and it hurts so bad. ￼

To everyone who wants to hear to my story! All judgements are allowed. But honestly what I’m looking for is some compassion. 

I can’t say my life has ever been perfect. To someone who tells me this I would always tell them “ define perfect “ 

I had big dreams. I come from a family where I’m not allowed to do anything I want because I’m a women. I have always been said that women shouldn’t talk loud, we should Peruse a masters degree, and so on. 

And, I wanted to become a robotic engineer. And, for me it was a big dream that seem out of scope at the time of 2020. After constant fight and basically going against everything my family believed in. I got it. Big achievement isn’t it ? Well, can’t say that for sure. 

I moved to a different country, Germany. A progressing world of blooming opportunities in the field of automation. 

I was so happy, I finally got what I wanted and I moved from all toxic relatives . My life didn’t take the high road. Before I boarded my flight I took a deep breathe. Cold feet you can call it. And, I told myself I shouldn’t let anyone or any situation take over me. Because I come with baggage. Honestly who isn’t? I had a student line of 40,000 € not a ideal situation. So, thoughts cut short. I moved. I was happy until… 


One of the friend I was talking to, I can’t say I know him better, but he was nice for sure asked me out. Red flag no.1 he said he didn’t want us to be exclusive within the friend’s group, he was 3 years elder to me. I was so blindsided to the facts and for me honestly it didn’t matter. I value true connection and I didn’t want to show off to people about it right? With this frame off thoughts in my mind, I jumped to it. Stupid move girl. I hear you. But, I’m emotional. I trust people easily and I value real connections. It went on for 6 months and not so great, we had a lot of fights because, I felt disrespected in a lot of ways. One day I sat down calmly and I told him I want to end it - the fear of losing myself and my purpose hit me hard. And, he refused to, he said he would do better and he will work with me to fix this. Until now you guys might think aww he is sweet. 

Read on… 

After 1 week of working our way out, with no arguments, and fights. He called me up at 7 am in the morning, and he said check your message I’m heading to work. I opened up the notification half asleep and the message said, let’s end it I can’t do this anymore. Bye. 

I was hurt? You might wonder why am I ? I wanted it end it first. It’s because, I trusted him and put a lot of effort to work things out from my side. I called him up, and asked him what was the reason? Bc everything was great between us. He blamed me completely. He said I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t understanding. And, he was very abusive verbally. I can’t explain more. I hope it’s clear. 

I hung up on him. And I felt so anxious, numb and shut down.  
Disclaimer: I was living in with one of my other girl classmate , we shared the same room, so it was too difficult to express my emotions when she is around. I tried my best to control it but I couldn’t and eventually she gets to hear all our conversations. 
And my roommate asked me what’s up! You have been weird lately. And I told her. It was a girl talk. And, I felt better to finally open up to someone about what I was going through. 

And, she dropped a message to him asking about our relationship as she heard the story from my end and I don’t blame her she wants to know the other side too. And, he rushed back home, he said I broke his trust, and he pulled out a knife and was about to stab me. I closed my eyes. It’s over I thought to myself. Thoughts was flooding my mind, I was thinking of my family, my dog, my responsibilities, my dreams. And, The regret of getting involved with him made me hate myself. I have to react, stop this from happening bc, I cannot give up. I told him, calm down let’s talk. And he said he wants to be alone and left. 

The memory of all of this happening was so quick and in hyper lapse. I need to get some sleep. It felt good. I opened my eyes to my classmates on the couch, and he denied the relationship he held with me. He said I was a liar. At this point, my mind couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t process any information. I started to smoke since then. 

I started to shiver, I couldn’t stand in the kitchen to cook as the memory of him pulling out the knife made me shout loud in my sleep, I couldn’t sleep without light. I couldn’t eat or sleep.I have to get better, work on reducing my anxiety. So, I didn’t want to provoke or initiate any conversations further. And, after 1 week of feeling like this, he spoke in person and privately to me, he said he likes someone else and she will be coming to Germany for her masters in 10 days of time and that is the reason of him ending things. At this point, I had nothing to say to him. He could have at least been honest about the reason of breakup. I felt numb. 

And then… 
I moved to a different house after 2 months of suffering. I started fresh. Found few friends. I got better. But, I still smoke, I’m afraid of darkness, my mind keeps constantly telling me to tell my side of the story to everyone in class. Honestly I didn’t like the way I left, I didn’t hangout with anyone associated with him. But it hurts and I the only way I can be at peace is to tell my story. But, I’m afraid. I really am. I started my therapy, and my doctor said I’m dealing with a narcissists. I started reading more and I couldn’t perfectly fit his behaviour to every trait I read about. 6 months has passed. And last week, I decided I need to take my power back, not in the expectation of having my friends back but, to stand up for myself. I called him up with so my fear. I’m glad I took the move. And he said, he wants to meet me in person because he wishes the best for me and wants me to be happy and took all the chances to ghost me again. I feel stupid. I mean I fell for the trap again. I don’t know what to do. It’s been on my mind all the time and it still hurts. I’m looking for someone to share a different perspective on this. I will be glad even if someone could tell me that I was wrong. I just want to find my peace with this and move on whatever it takes. 

Any comments will be highly appreciated and thank you to everyone reading my story with patience. I’m happy that I can open about this in ways I can. And, today I would be needed your help to fix this. Thank you 😊




Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts