Does anyone feel like that they are neither in love or neither just friends with their female bestie and I don't know what to do coz I definitely know one thing that she doesn't like me.. I am just stuck in between I would like to take advice from a girl


Friends

I am sitting quietly in my bedroom thinking about Meredith. I miss her like crazy. ￼

Depression

Is there a way by which i can stop the flow of thoughts .... i am tired of replying past scenarios in mind and thinking of what i could have done better .... it is not possible just by thinking .... thoughts keep coming even when i sleep... worst is i wake up these thoughts and then regrets , anger (on me ) for doing those things, i don't feel like waking up .... all these things follows .... this is making my life hell .... i want peace by how i don't know.... I want these thoughts to stop .

Its 6th year of my depres life , i came out from 1st time then it happened 2nd time and its worst bcs i know everything psychological to get out of this situation but I can't and I'm not able to do it... I'm just stuck in this time phase , nothing is happening right with me, no friends or someone to discuss or talk and now i don't wanna talk to any other human , I'm good for nothing and just a burden to this world a black spot to the family a disappointment for the parents, i regret the day i was born maybe the universe should have born someone else in my place someone who deserve more than me.....i have been holding myself to break apart, pretending to be unbothered kid but now its too much , I'm 23 failed neet 3 times not able to get govt seat , not rich enough to afford private or abroad, my classmate or the person i used to call frnd went abroad and now became doctor and the funny thing is i was the topper of my class still preparing for other govt exams that i don't even wants to do and now I don't even have a job while others are doing something atleast ! they're enjoying the life while idk what is life ..its a hell hole to me , i just wanna get out from this hole at any cost , i wanted my life somewhere similar to others like getting in relationship, being a society guy, represent my country or atleast state ....but I know its not possible I'm done crying secretly , Now I don't have any expression left on my face i don't feel anything except sadness regretting my life every single second and the greatest helplessness is that I can't even do anything to myself to end all of this bcs I'm too afraid 

3am Thoughts

I feel like a bird put in a cage 
Wings cut off ...
Just because food and some love is showered on time 
Not ready to grow wings
Hurting myself by plucking my own wings....
Scared about falling and other elements and not giving up the warmth...


I am in a sate of mind that I don't care if someone leave me n go. Be in my best friend, other friends or even my boy friend. I have had put in so much of efforts n seen people just walk off.
Thus i made myself like this. Is this okay? Am i being selfish... 

Anxiety

i am almost giving up 

The never initiated conversation... 
So it goes like...  We've been in the same school, same class and never talked.. So 13 years in the school... Just being aware of the fact that he exists.. Also we shared birthdays... Might have wished e/o at times.. Nothing more than that... I had never felt anything like that for any guy... 2 years ago we made a mere eye contact... And damn it I haven't ever been able to forget that... Idk it felt like something so unusual... He literally made every other guy unattractive... Since 2 years I haven't been able to get over him... He's on insta though... But what's the point of following when it will again get paused as a mere acquaintance... Idk what it was but i feel some connection with him... Like I ain't able to make decisions... Keep thinking him... Mind you I was a bright student and so is he... But i haven't been able to focus on anything lately... I genuinely want him to do well in whatever he wants..  I wish the best for him... He's in my prayers... Idk what is this... As soon as I try to distract my mind from him it just intensifies... In between I heard about him getting into a relationship... I felt bad... But why so?... I must focus on my studies.. Also I m trying so hard... But every other day that thought pops out..  I m preparing for an exam so no way of social interaction... Stay in a room and just doing nothing... I feel lifeless... My career would end if I do not study... But no f*in thing is getting to my nerves... I should be studying like anything rn but here I am doing something completely non relevant... But i need to do something about this... Please give honest suggestions keeping your self in my place... I don't want to hear 'go and study' 'forget it ' and all... Coz I ain't able to that's why I am writing it here... 

Career

The best revenge is getting yourself to a place where you no longer care about revenge.

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