Do you guys know how it feels to have a toxic parent? My mother wants me to get married to any random guy she chooses. She doesn't let me wear any western clothes. She always taunts me for everything. According to her, I'm a complete failure. But I know I am working hard for my dream. I don't wanna get married to the boy she chooses. How should I fight the toxicity..and find love in this world where everyone is just selfish. 

Currently, I am not working. I'm preparing for competitive exams. She doesn't even let me study in peace. 

That's the thing I don't earn. I chose to study and preparing for competitive exams.  Once I crack the exam I'll leave

Yeah, dude! I'm gonna leave her as soon as I crack the competitive exam. Just a month left. I just need money and a separate place. Hope I'll get it soon.

Parenting

Whenever I tell my mother to change, she doesn’t budge

My mom really needs to go for therapy. She is losing her head everyday and making things worse for everyone in the house. I really don’t understand why we romanticise motherhood.

Frustration

I want to cry right now, i am mad with my mom right now. I know my mom is stress right now but sometimes her words when she is stress kinda make me tick off. It is not her fault because of her situation but...

Anger Issues

I feel like my mom is just using me for money and comfort .. She doesn’t care about my feelings 

It's alot my mother just treats me as a backup for when something doesn't go right so she uses me for the back up plan and when i try to open up too her she always assumes tiktok did something to me and i always tell her were not in the old generation anymore btw she's 38 and im 13 going through this i know it doesn't sound like i'm happy but i can't fix it.And the only people that makes me happy are people that isn't in the state i live in i just can't do it anymore.i think i might hang myself..and she always puts me down and like body shame me and she thinks i act grown because i have the biggest bottom in the house that i can't do anything about.and its not my fault yall dont have a big butt.and i just wanted to come vent to the people reading this,i want you to know i love you and i always will.

Mental Health

Remember how a simple thing makes you pissed. Just like now, my mother unintentionally changed the keyboard layout/type. No matter hlw much I don't want to be pissed. The fact that itvwas changed and I can't figure out how to return it, pisses me off. Now that it's back now, I hate myself for getting pissed on small things just because she doesn't know everything ni matter hiw careful she might be.

I have a theory about why my mom is putting so much pressure on me.

Context: My mom treats me strictly than my siblings, points out my flaws publicly just for laughs, and she never stops talking about how perfect of a daughter she was to my grandparents and how I'll never be as good as her.

Theory #1 
**She Does This to Make Herself Feel Better About Herself**

When she was younger, my uncle got married to a woman who was in debt, so my grandparents had to sell a lot of assets, thus making them a bit financially unstable. This angered my mother which is bad at the time because she had that 'I can live a better life on my own, you'll see' phase when she was younger, so that is why she ran away from her home trying to start a new life. She stopped schooling at the process, which made her a high school dropout.

My grandparents insisted on her coming back home and continue her schooling at a public school, but she refused because she believed at the time she can't achieve anything on going to a public school. She did eventually got a job of becoming a nanny at a privileged nanny, which gained her a somewhat 'okay' life. But during that time period, she made a lot of choices that would've ended up on her life right now (a not so stable life).

Theory #2
**She just doesn't want me to become her**
Well, she made a lot of bad choices and thus wants what's best for me.
I made myself believe this is the reason for her behavior, because out of all my theories this one made me feel warm hearted(?).

Theory #3
**She sees me as her younger self**
Many people (even herself) said that I look like her so much. So maybe that's the reason she gave all of this pressure. Now, this theory has both a good and a bad side. The good side being, she didn't want me to turn like her. She wanted me to live a fulfilled life (at least on her terms) and become someone that could've been a better version of herself. My grandma also tells me that she was once a bright and hopeful person like I am, but she changed because of well you know... The bad side being me becoming her subject to her critiques and ridicule as a way of comforting herself from doing all those mistakes that she made when she was younger. Like a way to make up with herself.


I just can't sleep rn and all random stuff be really bothering me at night so... yeah😅


This is not a way for me to make myself feel better for I am just genuinely curious.

Overthinking

Life update 🎉 : My mother hates me  !!!

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