Despite sucking at social interactions, I like going to places filled with people for some reason. It gives me a sense of belonging. Except it doesn’t work that way at all. All that really happens is that I feel awkward for standing alone in the midst of a hustling and bustling crowd. But, like the fool I am, I still keep going out every once in a while to just observe people and what they are doing. Sometimes I overhear them and long to be a part of their conversations; it’s been so long since I’ve had a casual and friendly conversation like that with someone. But the most ridiculously embarassing thing is when people stare at me. Perhaps I’m wrong, perhaps they’re not staring at me, might be a harmless passing look, but I’m so unused to people looking at me that I feel that way;maybe. But people do stare at me sometimes. Usually with disgust. Or some curiosity, as if I just broke out of my enclosure. Or if I’m actually trying to talk to them, it becomes an act of mutual awkwardness and embarassment.
Ruskin @ruskin
happens with me also🙂…
Brhyana @brokenspirit
It’s like you spoke my mind. I feel the same way, whenever I am around people. It gets way too awkward and embarrassing for me. I always want to go out, to give myself another chance at life and to feel like I belong with everyone else but I never do, and when that happens I regret going out and think it would’ve been just better to stay at home. It’s a never-ending loop that I’m stuck in.
I wouldnt say I relate to not trying, because I never stop trying, but I do understand why someone would become so wary of people after a point. Hope things turn out better.
