Chai ke bina subah adhoori si lagti hai,
Jaise zindagi mein koi kami si lagti hai,
Log kehte hai pyaar zindagi mein rang bhar deta hai,
Par unhe kya pata, mere liye chai hi asli mohabbat lagti hai! 

3am Thoughts

I received negative feedback from work and I feel like I'm not good enough to be working. I'm asking for a promotion, where a couple of my superiors are supportive, but I'm also screwing things up. I get distracted from working very often, running off into a utopian dreamland where I imagine all good things and I know none of that is going to come true.
I'm chubby and have been like that since a kid. Faced a ton of fat shaming jokes. At first I used to get angry, but then out of fear of losing friends I started burying feelings of hurt and started fake laughing at them. I've had relatives indicate that if I were fat I wouldn't find anyone to marry. The number of jokes cracked on me is innumerable. So now I'm left to think that I'm not going to find a good person to marry me or even like me or love me because I'm fat. I'm trying so hard to love myself first, but it's been a struggle with all this focus on looking good put around. When friends look at a good looking person and compliment them, I automatically go into a spiral that I'm not good looking enough for anyone.
I also feel like I don't have a great personality to attract friends. I feel like I get awkward and people try not to associate with me. I have a good bunch of really close of friends and I'm just glad to have them in my life. I try not to look towards those I'm not friends with and feel envious of them because it always feels like they have it going good and I don't.
My family has been broken ever since I was a kid. Father has been cheating on my mother for the last 32 years. I've grown up watching them fight and watching my mother being mistreated and disrespected. I don't know if any of that is affecting me now. Not being married is forcing me to stay with them. And I keep hearing complaints every single day. While I love my mother and I love to take care of her, she's constantly telling me how she's hurt, every single day with whatever my father does and it gets to me. I don't have the emotional capacity to handle it. once in a while is fine. but I hear things on a daily basis, first thing in the morning or during every break I get.
Work - not good enough
Marriage / relationship / looks - not good enough
Daughter - not good enough
Friend - I don't know why I still have friends but they've truly been a blessing. Again I don't feel good enough to be their, but out of their kindness they are still being friends with me.

☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖

Insecurity

i have been attached to a person within 2 days and within those to days he made me feel happy i trusted him and ended up being ghosted. those 2 days he made me feel Im not alone but then he just blocked me and i dont know why he did that lol. and i cant remember anything that i did to him

One Sided Love

Ye depression vagera kuch nahi hota, subah time se uthke exercise karo sab theek ho jaayega 👍

Lastnight i didnt sleep well. Although it was technically more than i got the night before. 
After being struck down and moles at age 6 in a stairwell in elementary school, parents divorced as a teen which moved me from the west coast to the east with my mother age 14, 20+ years of chronic arthritis and fibromyalgia pain started most noticeably age 18, survived cervical cancer and an advanced c.difficile infection, was told my uterus was a hostile environment so could never have children, BUT i had 2 children at age 30(&32), was physically & emotionally abused at the hands of my childrens father, up until 2 years ago when i looked at my childrens beautiful little faces and realized that whether I deserved better in life or not- My Children Did ❤️ So i made a safety plan with a local transition house and got Out, Safely.
I have had a rough go. That only sums up the worst of things. But since being placed in a safehouse upon fleeing the abuse: my children got enrolled in school and are happy-doing very well, i enrolled in college-graduated this january, and having been able to see my doctor regularly now that im free to do so- ive found a decent medications routine that keeps my pain under control for about half the day-for on average half of the month, and i even met an incredible man who treats me very well because he loves me with all his heart And has now met and is bonding with my children.
I feel worn out at this point, overwhelmed, Tired. The stress i have been under has been seemingly endless, my whole life really🙄 and so i find i feel exhausted each day. But i have been getting some counselling (more frequently now that my college commitment is complete), and everyone is telling me to take some time for me, rest a bit. But, i want to Work. I want to start my career, provide for my children for the years to come. I want to Keep Going 💪 
At the same time, i feel im all out of energy to do it, yet. 
Ive been putting alot of pressure on myself. 
Just trying to remain vigilant, and not give up. Ive come so far, i cant stop now, no matter how tired. Although i sabotage some days by being unable to get a good sleep at night, crying until the wee hours of the morning while the children are sleeping, and then i get them on the school bus-go inside to start house chores-run errands-pick them up from school-make supper and their lunches for the next day-Repeat (in short)... between this above schedule and my body paining and Alllll of these suppressed traumatic memories starting to come to the surface (as im no longer Focused on escaping, or Focused on schoolwork/exams/training... 
I WONT GIVE UP!
I have Sooo much to be thankful for!❤️😍❤️ Just, Tired. Thank you for providing this place to express my thoughts ❤️

PTSD

I feel lyk being alone lyk being disappeared from this world. Eventhough I do have friends but no one gives their tym to me. People jst talk closely until they feel like they get something from me after that everything seems to be strange no one cares. The bloody part In my life is liking someone more and giving importance more which is not worthy to them. I feel alone and depressed all the tym I always feel lyk ppl jst use me. 

Depression

Hey anyone up for convo 🐨 ?

I feel so alone. I miss my old life.

I wanna preface this by saying that I don’t expect anyone to give me some life-saving advice, but I’d really appreciate it if you just read this whole post through. I’ve been keeping this in my chest for so long with no one to tell it to, and I just need someplace I can type it all out.

I’m only a 19-year-old college student. I have very loving and financially-supportive parents, a girlfriend who loves and appreciates me, and three more years at a pretty distinguished private university. Because of this, I'm honestly ashamed of posting this because I feel like i’m not worthy of being sad, or that I’m too young to be missing my old life.

That being said, I need to let out everything that I've been bottling up for the past month. Here's what I've been feeling. I really miss my high school life. I can’t go through one day without being overpowered by the nostalgia of late-night campfires, driving to school without a worry in the world, and spontaneous car ride adventures with my friends. At the end of my senior year in 2019, I broke up with my girlfriend at the time and it really put an emotional toll on me. I was depressed throughout the summer and felt like a completely different person; I lost my happiness, confidence, and I became a lot less social. I felt like I would never be as happy as I was during high school again – so far, I’ve been correct. 

One year went by since then and I was able to push through my freshman year in college. I made some new friends, attained a near-perfect GPA, hung out with my high school friends a lot during breaks, and I got a new girlfriend who is seemingly perfect in every way. Life seemed to be getting much better. And then, at the start of this COVID-19 quarantine, I found out that my high school best friend – a guy who I trusted with my life – slept with my ex-girlfriend. Though I thought that I was 100% over her, I still felt so hurt, as if I was betrayed by my own brother. He was the one I would always go to for advice and emotional support after my breakup in 2019, and he was always there to provide it for me. I never thought that he would sleep with the girl I was so heartbroken over. To add on to that, my other high school best friends just stopped talking to me. It seems as if all the people that I became so close with in high school are gradually starting to leave or betray me in some way, and because of that, the wonderful memories I built with them are starting to hurt me even more.

Yes, I made new friends in college, but I feel like they’ll never compare to the close friends I made in high school. They’ll never be the ones to fill in this hole that I’m feeling in my heart.  It’s been hard to eat, hard to sleep, and I’ve been smoking away my problems in solitary during this COVID-19 quarantine. Most days I just sit and think about my problems, sometimes crying. Call me dramatic, but every day feels like an emotional struggle right now. What should I do? Should I try and reconcile with my best friend? I don’t have any real friends in my life to talk to about these problems anymore. The only person I have in my life to talk to is my current girlfriend, and I don’t feel comfortable telling her about how sad I am considering that it all started up again because my best friend slept with my ex. Sometimes I speculate that maybe I’m not over my ex, but I think it’s more that I miss the life that I had when I was dating her. Honestly I don’t really know what I’m feeling anymore, but I do know that I’m feeling extremely lonely.

Sorry if I sound like a spoiled and privileged kid whose problems don’t even compare to the problems of other people. I know I should just suck it up and move on with my life, but I can’t even think straight when I think about my life from just a year and a half ago. Thanks for reading this through and lmk if you can relate in any way/have any advice.

COVID-19

If a girlfriend abuses her boyfriend after a breakup when she is upset, will his boyfriend lose all feelings for her because of this ?? 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts