*Casually calls everyone who's romantically interested in me "fam" like the menace I am*

Other

I have narcissist personality disorder, bipolar, borderline and post-traumatic disorder and among them the category of "narcissist" disorder is worse overlapping with my borderline personality disorder and it's like I can't maintain confidence and commitment to my feelings with sustainable stability and yet I have high dreams and a ambitious person, I still have to figure out a lot about myself and I'm so emotionally drained and a lonely person in my life and I have no one and that's terribly sad.

I'm so depressed everyday and I need someone to talk with me.

I'm actually at the verge of starting my own film production company of my own within next three months and I have completed my pre-production stage and I'm so confident about the prospective sucess of my upcoming feature film and I'm very proud about myself. It's just that I have no problem with my narcissist personality disorder and I love the way it motivates my confidence, self esteem to build the fortune of my life and I love grandiosity a lot. My borderline personality disorder is overlapping with my narcissist personality disorder though I enjoy the symptoms of narcissism, I'm very strictly sensitive to criticism and it tears my ego apart and now I have blocked all of my friendson social media over the issue of criticism which I couldn't handle and I don't like that

Depression

Sunday + Mumbai Temperature ♨️♨️

Akele log attendance dein 😅🙇

3am Thoughts

Hum unka intezar karte rahe.........
Woh kisi or par fanah hote gaye........

Cheating

Everyone always says that I matter and am wanted but I dont feel that way. And Im kind of at the point where I dont care to be here anymore. I dont really want anyone to want me or anything. I dont want to be loved or be important someone. I just want to disappear into a black hole. I didnt ask to be born. I obviously didnt want to be here if I was a month late lol. I told my mom she shouldve had an abortion with me. Her life wouldve been better. I believe so. I believe that my siblings would have a better life  without me too. They wouldnt have a half sister. A sister thats different than everyone. They probably wouldnt be so poor like we are now. One less person to  worry about. My dad would probably be the happiest if my mom had an abortion since im not even his blood child.. sometimes i think he really despises me but tries not to show it. I know deep down he would be happier if i wasnt here. Cause then he wouldnt have to be taking care of a child that isnt his and focus on his real children. Most of the time I dont feel wanted by my family. But sometimes i get a glimpse that they would be hurt if i was gone forever. I dont want to hurt them which is why i havent killed myself yet. However I do believe theyd get over it and be better afterwards. I dont know why they cant just be like my biological father and not care about me lol. I am not sure what the point of this post was for. I just dont really wanna be alive. I dont have the energy to wake up everyday and walk out of my room. I dont even have the energy to open my eyes in the morning lol. I dont have a purpose or reason to be here. I just wish everyone would let me go so i can go. I dont know what ths feeling is..I just feel empty and blank. Idk i dont really care. Has anyone else felt like this before?

Suicidal Ideation

Feeling good! Knowing good things are coming for me
Dreams:
Own the ~50 books I want 
Obtain wax for pretty wax seals and and rope to tie off my letters
Lounge chair in my room to read in 
An extra book shelf to fill with my books 

These are things I'm working towards and patience is key. Once we go back in person I'll be getting paid more. I'm EXCITED


Happy

Best song ever 🌚💓

Memories

**Absolutely disgusted**
I and my roommate have been living together since the past month. We only have two locks, so on her suggestion we used my lock as the common lock of the room. I trusted her, and even told her about my habit of losing things easily (not that I could've hid it, since I always forget the pocket that my keys are in, or my stuff goes missing quite often). A few weeks back I started to notice that my rarely used lip crayon went missing, and searched the whole room for it, twice/thrice (It was a birthday gift from an important friend, whom I may not ever meet again). Today I found her sneaking the exact lip crayon (used multiple times) in her bag. The thing is, she told me that she doesn't like using any products on her lips, had the audacity to steal something from me, and showing nobremorse. I wanted to buy it again but the series had been discontinued in my country since the past year. 
I really don't care about the product itself (she could've asked me and I would've allowed her to use it, I did allow another girl in front of her before), but she really had to break my trust and steal it from me, even after knowing how much I like it myself.

(I already have hard time trusting people, and she had to make it worse)

I want to confront her, but I really can't. I don't want to sour our relation since we have to live together for atleast 2 more years.

I feel like I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. And I shouldn't feel this way. 


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