Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

Buying expensive stuff for a girlfriend is it considered as love? I’ve bought my girlfriend an Iphone 12 pro max and an Airpod pro for her birthday and 1000 days celebration respectively. But she seems to keep saying that, using money on her wasn’t love.

She needs me to be there to tell her feelings but that same time she will say things that could trigger my anger and cause me to burst out on her. Because usually her feelings are usually the mistakes I made in the past. Then she will say I have an attitude problem. I mean she take my anger is like nothing so she’s like keep adding the fuel to worsen the fire.

So many times I tried to change, I changed to reduce my anger and filter her words that could trigger me. I was consistent for 1 to 2 months then I’m unable to filter already, eventually I burst out and I wouldn’t want to talk to her for few hours at most a day.

So we came to a point where we talked about it, I told her that her hurtful words really doesn’t help the argument. But she said that she was angry wanna let out her frustration. Then ok I agree that she wants to let out her frustration, so I gave another solution is she needs to give me a timeout to cooldown. But she asked me, while I cooldown how would she let out her frustration?

So our arguments keep going on and on for 1 year+. She was hurt that I gave her a cold treatment when she let out her frustration because I was so angry I wish not to burst out on her so I take a timeout myself. So as more arguments in our lives, more timeout i took for myself. But she doesn’t like it. So she find some other guy to talk to.

Then she started to use the sentence “I wanna break up”, this really triggers me. After everything I’ve done for her, not only buying her expensive stuff. I’ve also took care of her while she was drunk and I sacrificed my sleeping time for her to take care of her. I also pick her up to go to her for her tuition although her mum could but I insist since it’s at night I wouldn’t want her mother to drive at night.

Speaking of her mother, one day she and her family had issues. They were fighting about who is wrong and who is right situation. Just a normal “Did you say that?” Situation and caused the whole family to fight. I also have tried to control the situation where I took her back to my place to isolate her from the stress. Then when her mum released her frustration about her, I said nice things about her to make her feel that she wasn’t intended to do that. At the same time, when she let out her frustration about her mum, I did the same thing, which is saying good things about her mum and her intentions. But the outcome I got was, “So you’re siding my mum?” I said NO, I told her that no matter how much you hate your family, you need to always respect them.

So 1 week ago, she said she couldn’t take it anymore from the cold treatment, siding her mother, telling her what to do. So she make a harsh decision to break up. When I tried to explain she keep saying I’m giving her excuses and bullshit. Then she block everything and communication with me. The worst part is, when i told her mum what happened, her mum seems to not acknowledge me that she also hurt me with many words while she say her feelings out. Her mum keep sees her as a victim that being hurt by me for many many times of cold treatment.

So I really have no one to talk to about this. I slowly hitting a state of depression which is very forgetful and lost the ability to speak during work. I every night tear out and try to call her and her mother but both doesn’t wanna help me acknowledge my problems. Day by day passed, reckless driving starts.