Relationships are such a rollercoaster ride. The excitement, happiness, and love we feel when we are with our partner is often indescribable.
However, there's also a risk of getting hurt, especially when it comes to cheating. We've all heard stories from our friends and family, or perhaps we've even experienced them. It's heartbreaking when the person we love and trust betrays us.
Is my boyfriend cheating? But what if you're not even sure about it? Sometimes, the signs he's cheating can be subtle, leaving you unsure about what to do.
Don't worry, we're going to discuss some signs that may indicate your boyfriend is cheating and give you some steps you can take if you suspect infidelity in your relationship.
What is Considered Cheating?
Is my boyfriend cheating? Cheating is a sensitive and complex topic in relationships. It involves being emotionally or sexually unfaithful to your partner by having an intimate relationship with someone else when you have committed to being in a monogamous relationship with them.
However, what constitutes cheating is not always black and white. Different couples have different boundaries and expectations, and what may be considered cheating in one relationship may not be in another. Therefore, having a conversation with your partner about monogamy and infidelity is really important.
In today's world, where technology has made it easier to connect with others, it's essential to discuss what you consider cheating. Is it flirting with someone online? Is it sexting? Or is it only physical intimacy that you consider cheating? These are questions that you and your partner need to answer to have a healthy and honest relationship.
30 clear signs your boyfriend is cheating on you
1. He is distracted all the time
Is my boyfriend cheating on me? If you've been feeling like your partner is constantly distracted, it's completely normal to feel frustrated and disconnected. I mean, who wouldn't feel that way when you're trying to connect with him but he seems to be in his own world?
It's possible that working long hours, dealing with a difficult project, or facing financial issues could be occupying his mind, but it's also important to consider that there could be something else going on. If this is not the case, then ensure that you talk to your partner about why he is behaving like that.
2. He talks too much about someone
Is he cheating? If your partner frequently talks about someone and brings them up in almost every conversation, it could be a red flag that they're cheating. Be aware of the context of these conversations - if he appears overly dismissive when you bring up concerns about their behavior, it could mean that they're trying to hide something.
Try to note if he talks about someone in a way that suggests they're comparing them to you. For example, if he frequently mentions how attractive this other person is, and how much they have in common with them, it could be a way of expressing dissatisfaction with your relationship.
Moreover, if he spends more time with this person and prioritizes them over you, it could suggest that they're developing feelings for someone else.
3. He gets irritated easily
It's never a good feeling when your boyfriend becomes irritable and annoyed with you, especially when it comes out of nowhere. If you're noticing that your boyfriend is suddenly reacting negatively to things that he used to find adorable, it might be time to have a conversation. The reason he becomes easily irritated and defensive is that cheating can lead to feelings of guilt and anxiety.
4. He always has mood swings
It's tough when your partner starts acting oddly toward you. One minute he's all loving and attentive, and the next he's giving you the silent treatment.
When someone is cheating, they often feel a mix of emotions, including guilt, anger, and confusion. This can manifest as mood swings, and your boyfriend may be struggling to deal with his conflicting feelings.
5. Sudden changes in routine
We all have our own ways of organizing our days, but if he's suddenly making drastic changes to his schedule, it might be a sign that something's up.
Maybe he's going to work earlier and staying later than usual. And, when you ask him what's going on, he might give unnecessary excuses and one-syllable replies. All of these behaviors are red flags that he might be hiding something from you.
6. He works late and overtime without any valid reason
Is your partner suddenly working extra hours and going above and beyond for no real reason? Well, it could mean that he's trying to find time for someone else. And if he has suddenly become completely indulged in a new interest or hobby, he might be using this practice to hide an affair. These changes in behavior should be taken as potential red flags, and it's definitely something to keep an eye on.
In addition, ask him about his work schedule and what he's doing with his free time, and see if he gets defensive and avoids answering your questions. If he's hiding something, he may try to turn the conversation back on you, change the topic, or get angry.
7. You don't communicate as much as you used to
Sometimes we as a couple forget to check in with each other due to our busy lifestyles, but if you've seen a sudden decrease in communication with your boyfriend, don’t ignore it.
If he's constantly tired or busy and forgets to ask about your day, it's understandable to feel frustrated and disconnected. Even on his day off, he suddenly needs to go somewhere or take some extra time to unwind. When you try to talk to him, he seems distracted and disinterested.
He avoids communicating with you about your day and the things that used to excite you both. And when you finally do have some alone time together, he might only come to bed to sleep and not seem interested in making love or just being there with each other.
8. He doesn’t invite you to social events
Are you noticing that your boyfriend isn't asking you to go out and try new things as much as he used to? Maybe you used to enjoy exploring new coffee shops together, but now he always has an excuse and just doesn't bother to ask.
This change in behavior can make you feel like he's slowly distancing himself from you and avoiding activities that bring you closer together.
It's not just about him not asking you to go out and try new things; he may also be closed off when you bring up the topic. You may notice that he's not as interested in exploring cafes or doing fun activities together anymore. He may also avoid making you meet his friends or seem disinterested when you suggest it. All of these behaviors can indicate that he's slowly distancing himself from you.
9. He feels distant
Have you ever felt like your boyfriend is acting distant? Like something has changed between you both and he's not the same attentive, passionate guy you fell for anymore? Maybe he's avoiding eye contact and keeping his distance, and you're left wondering what's going on.
Therefore, here are some signs that can ease your worry:
- He doesn't initiate physical touch as much as he used to.
- He avoids spending time with you and cancels plans more frequently than before.
- You feel like he's not really listening when you talk to him.
- He doesn't seem as enthusiastic about future plans together.
- He is more interested in spending time with his friends and doing things on his own.
Are you noticing these behaviors? Find out why this is happening and how you can resolve it by seeking the help of a therapist !
10. He doesn’t say "I love you" as often as before
Usually, when you've been together for a while, saying those three little words becomes a part of your daily routine - like brushing your teeth and putting on your shoes. It's hard to imagine going a day without saying it to each other.
But if you notice that he's been avoiding saying it to you, even when you say it first, it could be a red flag that he's having an affair. Maybe he's avoiding saying it altogether or only saying it when you say it first.
It's important to pay attention to this change in behavior because it could be a sign that he's emotionally withdrawing from you. This can be especially concerning if he used to be very affectionate and expressive with his feelings. He might try to distance himself from you to make it easier for him to pursue an affair.
11. You receive unexpected gifts and gestures of affection
Have you ever received unexpected gifts from your boyfriend lately? It's natural to feel special and loved when someone gives you a gift, but what if it's out of the blue and doesn't match his usual behavior?
If he's been distant and "busy" for a while and suddenly becomes extra sweet, it could be a red flag that he's trying to cover up something. For instance, he might buy you an expensive watch out of nowhere to make up for his behavior.
12. He doesn’t want you texting or calling
Has your boyfriend suddenly started asking you not to text or call him as often? Maybe he even complains that you're interrupting his work and other activities. What's even weirder is that before, it was totally fine to message him.
Now, if you do manage to contact him, it takes him forever to reply, or he doesn't respond at all. If he wasn't like this before, then it's possible that he's hiding something from you.
It's especially tough if you remember how he used to call you just to hear your voice and how you would talk for hours about everything. He would update you about his day, and you would do the same. But now, it looks like he's not interested in hearing about your day and sharing his own. If you see these changes, ask him how he's feeling and if there's anything on his mind that he wants to talk about.
13. He makes comparisons between you and other women
Has your boyfriend been making some strange and hurtful comparison statements lately? Sometimes, when a man is having an affair, he might accidentally slip and say something that doesn't make sense.
For instance, he might ask you, "Why don't you dress up well?" Suddenly, he has a different set of standards and is only focusing on your flaws instead of your strengths. He might also hint that he prefers specific physical traits or styles that are different from what you currently have. Like, "Why don't you wear more makeup?" or "You used to be more adventurous in bed,” and even mentions how attractive he finds other women who have those physical traits or styles.
14. He becomes secretive with his belongings
Is my boyfriend cheating? When a man is having an affair, he may start becoming more secretive about his belongings. For example, he might start keeping his phone/computer password-protected and not letting you use it, and he might get overly defensive when you ask him about his whereabouts and his plans for the day. He has also started keeping his personal belongings hidden away and locked up, which he used to leave out in the open before.
15. He wants more privacy
Changing the phone password is a common tactic that people use when they're trying to keep something private, primarily when it comes to their personal conversations and messages.
It's natural to want some privacy in a relationship, but when your partner suddenly changes their phone password and becomes secretive about their phone, it's reasonable to feel a little suspicious. You might notice that he always keeps his phone with him, even when he's in the bathroom or asleep.
He may be avoiding leaving his phone around you and quickly hiding his phone when you're around. This means that he could be hiding something and doesn't want you to see what's on his phone, which could be a sign that he's communicating with someone he shouldn't be or that he's trying to keep certain information from you.
16. Your intimacy feels different
Intimacy is an important part of any relationship, but if your boyfriend is having an affair, you might start to notice a change in how it feels. Maybe he's not as present and attentive during intimate moments as he used to be, or maybe he's trying out new things that you haven't talked about before.
You might also feel like he's emotionally distant and disconnected from you during sex, or not showing any real passion. In that matter, share your feeling and tell him about what you're noticing in your relationship
17. He smells like perfume (that's not yours)
Have you ever hugged your boyfriend and noticed a different scent that's not yours? For example, he might come home smelling like a different perfume than the one he usually wears, and you might catch a whiff of a scent you don't recognize on his clothes or skin.
Moreover, you might notice that his clothes smell like a woman's perfume, and that his car smells like someone else has been in it. These could all be indicators that he's been spending time with someone else and is trying to cover it up.
There could be other explanations for the strange smell - maybe he spilled something on his clothes, or he was around someone wearing a strong perfume. However, if you notice this happening frequently and in combination with other signs he's cheating, have a conversation with him about it.
18. You notice unexplained expenses on his credit card
Is my boyfriend cheating? If you start to detect some unexplained expenses on your boyfriend's bank account or credit card statement, it could be a sign of infidelity. He might start making purchases that seem out of the ordinary and spending money on things he normally wouldn't.
For example, you might see charges for fancy dinners, hotel stays, or gifts that you never received.
19. He doesn’t like you tagging him on social media
If your boyfriend used to love it when you tagged him on social media and suddenly he's become weird about it, that could be a sign that he's having an affair. Maybe he's afraid that the other person he's seeing will see the posts and get suspicious.
He might not want any digital evidence of your relationship for fear of being caught. Talk to your partner about why he's become uncomfortable with social media and see if there's a valid reason behind it or if it's a sign of infidelity.
20. Your friends start noticing changes in his behavior
Sometimes it can be hard to see the signs he's cheating, but if your friends are pointing them out to you, it's worth paying attention to.
Your friends might notice changes in your partner's behavior, like him being more distant, flirtatious with other people, or just acting strange. They might also see him with someone else, and hear rumors about him from other people.
If this is the case, have an open and honest conversation with your partner about your concerns. You can approach the topic calmly and without accusations, simply expressing your feelings and asking for an explanation can mend the situation at hand.
21. He makes excuses to spend time with his "friends"
It's always meaningful to pay attention to the details. Is he going out at unusual times, like late at night or on weekdays? Is he being vague about who he's with and where he's going? These are all red flags that he might be using his friends as an excuse to cover up an affair.
Moreover, his friends might also be involved in covering up his infidelity. For instance, if he tells you he's going out with a particular friend but that friend seems evasive and uncommunicative when you try to confirm, it could be a sign that something is not right.
22. He is uncomfortable when you ask about his coworkers and friends
It's totally understandable to be curious about your partner's friends and coworkers, especially if they're around each other a lot. However, if you notice that your boyfriend gets defensive and uncomfortable when you bring it up, it's worth paying attention to. If he constantly avoids talking about his friends and even gets angry when you ask, it could be a red flag that he's hiding something.
23. He receives late-night calls and texts
Midnight calls and texts can be a bit of a sticky situation in a relationship. It can be alarming to wake up in the middle of the night and find your boyfriend isn't in bed, only to hear him chatting away outside with someone. And if you happen to catch a glimpse of his phone lighting up with a message, it can leave you wondering who on earth would be messaging him at that time of night.
And when you confront your boyfriend about these late-night calls and texts and he becomes defensive and dismissive, it can only add to your suspicions. He may make you feel guilty for doubting him, which can make it even harder to bring up the topic again.
24. He talks about getting a break from your relationship
Does he drop hints about taking a break from your relationship instead of talking about your future together? If you've noticed that your boyfriend has been quieter than usual when you're making plans, or if he seems to be avoiding specific topics related to your relationship, it could be a sign that he's feeling uncertain about the future of your relationship.
25. His friends become nervous around you
If you've noticed that your boyfriend's friends become nervous and uncomfortable around you, it could be a sign that something is amiss. Perhaps they know something about your boyfriend's behavior that they're afraid to share with you, and maybe they're uncomfortable with the way your boyfriend is treating you and don't know how to bring it up.
26. You have a gut feeling that he’s cheating
Sometimes, you might have a nagging feeling in your gut that your boyfriend is cheating. You can't quite put your finger on it, but something just feels off. You may notice changes in his behavior, such as becoming more secretive and distant. While it's important to trust your intuition, it's also essential to gather concrete evidence and look for other signs he's cheating before jumping to conclusions.
27. He lies to you
Is he cheating? When your boyfriend starts lying to you, it can be a sign that something is quite wrong in the relationship. It's normal for couples to tell small white lies to avoid hurting each other's feelings, but when the lying becomes frequent and significant, it's a red flag.
Some examples of lies that your boyfriend might tell could be about where he's been, who he's been with, and what he's been doing. He might also lie about his feelings or intentions towards you, such as saying he loves you when he doesn't and promising to do something but not following through. This issue needs to be addressed, so talk to him and try to understand why he feels the need to lie.
28. He doesn’t look into your eyes anymore
If your boyfriend is avoiding eye contact with you, it could be a sign that he's feeling guilty or ashamed about something. He may be trying to hide something from you, or he may be feeling uncomfortable because he knows he's not being honest.
29. He smiles while looking at his phone
Is he cheating? If you notice that your boyfriend is constantly checking his phone and smiling at it, it could be a sign that he's texting and communicating with someone else. While it's possible that he's just chatting with friends and family, if this behavior is out of the ordinary, make sure to find out.
30. He accuses you of flirting and being unfaithful
Sometimes, cheaters will try to deflect attention away from themselves by accusing their partner of being unfaithful. If your boyfriend is suddenly accusing you of flirting and being unfaithful, it could be a sign that he's projecting his own guilt onto you. Have a word with him and take the help of an expert to assist further.
What should you do if you think your boyfriend is cheating?
Is he cheating? If you suspect something like this, here are some steps you can take:
- If you have a feeling that something is off, don't ignore it. Listen to your intuition.
- Pay attention to changes in his behavior, such as becoming more distant and secretive. Look for physical evidence, such as receipts and phone records.
- Approach your boyfriend calmly and ask him about your concerns. Try to avoid being accusatory and keep an open mind.
- If you both decide to work through the issue, couple therapy can be a helpful tool for rebuilding trust and communication.
- Infidelity can be emotionally challenging. Make sure to take care of yourself, whether that means seeking support from loved ones, or a therapist , joining a community , and engaging in self-care activities.
When to Break Up with Your Boyfriend
Breaking up with your boyfriend is a tough decision to make, even more so when there are suspicions of cheating involved. Before taking this step, weigh the pros and cons and consider everything that has led you to this point. It's essential to communicate with your partner and express any concerns that you have regarding the relationship.
If you discover that his infidelity is part of a larger problem and an unhealthy relationship, then evaluate whether this relationship is the right fit for you. The focus should be on what's best for you and your well-being in the short and long term. Always make sure to prioritize your own interests and not just his.
When Can Working with a Therapist Help?
Is seeking therapy a good approach when there has been infidelity in a relationship? Can therapy really help work through communication issues in a relationship?
Yes, therapy can help you identify the underlying issues that may have contributed to the infidelity and work on resolving those issues. This can include addressing issues such as communication problems, emotional distance, and unmet needs in the relationship.
It's recommended to seek therapy if you're struggling to cope with the emotional turmoil of infidelity in your relationship and if you're finding it difficult to communicate with your partner about the situation.
With the help of a therapist, you can navigate the complex emotions that come with infidelity, such as anger, betrayal, and grief. They can help you process these emotions in a healthy way and develop coping strategies to manage them.
How can Now&Me help?
At Now&Me , therapists who specialize in couples therapy are available to you through virtual one-on-one sessions , which are 1/4th of what traditional therapy costs. But wait, there's more! You can also chat with therapists online for free. It's a fantastic opportunity to get the support you need and work through any relationship challenges you may be facing. Don't miss out on this valuable resource. Join the Now&Me community and download the app today!
Is my boyfriend cheating on me? There are a few signs you can look out for. The changes could be in his behavior, such as becoming more distant, spending more time away from you, and being more defensive when you ask him about his whereabouts.
Some signs that your boyfriend may be cheating are unexplained absences and changes in his schedule, a sudden increase in the amount of time he spends on his phone/computer, and a lack of interest in spending time with you and being intimate with you. Other signs he's cheating could be changes in his appearance or behavior, such as dressing differently and becoming more secretive about his personal life.
It's completely normal to have doubts about your boyfriend's fidelity, mainly if you've been hurt in the past or have heard stories of infidelity from friends and family members. However, not all relationships involve cheating, so give your partner the benefit of the doubt until you have concrete evidence that suggests otherwise.
If you're feeling suspicious of your boyfriend's behavior, handle the situation with honesty and openness. Try to have a calm and respectful conversation with him, and avoid making accusations. Ensure to listen to his perspective and be open to the possibility that there may be other explanations for his behavior.
Hiring a private investigator to investigate your boyfriend's behavior should be a last resort. While a private investigator can provide you with valuable information about your partner's activities, this is an invasive option.
Coping with the emotional pain and stress of suspecting your boyfriend of cheating can be hard. Prioritize self-care during this time, such as seeking support from friends and family, practicing relaxation techniques like deep breathing, meditation, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.
While there's no foolproof way to prevent your boyfriend from cheating in the future, there are some effective strategies you can use to strengthen your relationship and build trust. These may include open communication, setting clear boundaries, and working together to address any underlying issues in your relationship.
Couples therapy can be an effective way to address infidelity in a relationship. A trained therapist can help you and your partner navigate your feelings and concerns in a safe and supportive environment and can provide you with tools and strategies to rebuild trust and strengthen your relationship.
Whether or not to forgive your boyfriend if he confesses to cheating is a personal decision that only you can make. Evaluate your own feelings and needs, as well as the circumstances surrounding the infidelity, before making a decision about the future of your relationship.
Rebuilding trust after infidelity has occurred can be a long and challenging process, but it is possible. Some steps you can take include being open and honest with each other, setting clear expectations and boundaries, and seeking the support of a therapist
Is my boyfriend cheating on me? There may be indications such as an increase in the amount of time he spends on his phone, being more mysterious about his phone use, or becoming defensive when you ask him about his text messages.