Being a type of person who doesn’t have anyone to open up to at home about everything thats going on inside your mind can drive you insane. Im the youngest one in the family and all my damily members are the older siblings of their siblings so as you can see no one can understand my struggle of being the youngest. I grew up being invalidated and being the one who is watched like a hawk so opening up or making mistakes was a big deal and because of this I had no choice but to keep a personality. Apparently the voice of the youngest person in the house has no effect whatsoever… it never mattered what I thought or felt or if I wanted this or that or if I was happy or sad because im suppose to be okay.
In the course of my whole 17 years, I developed an eating disorder. It wasn’t about being skinny and they all thought it was when in reality that was my form of self-harm. Not eating, sleeping and overloading myself with work. The feeling that im slowly killing myself was making me feel like I could escape all the expectations everyone had for me.
When I started entering my teenage years, I got some attention from guys every now and then and since it was the attention that I never felt before not even from my family… I strived for it. I know how sad it sounds but it was the best thing I ever got. Finally, someone appreciating me.
Im slowly going insane as no one really knows what runs in my head for all the trauma and pain they caused me.
When you grow up feeling invalidated and sidelined,it’ll be much easier for you to strive for attention from somewhere else,i understand where you’re coming from,but you’re going to be an adult soon ,so you have to take accountability for how you choose to process all that has happened to you,it’s okay to be fed up with everything that has been done to you,but you have a choice to let all those things go
Im from a culture where even when you become an adult, your parents will always have a say in it but yeah youre right… I guess I have to let it go sooner or later
Life is a choice sometimes ,you either go ‘so this happened to me,and i will cry and sulk about it’ or you go’ so this happened to me,and it wasn’t in my control,but i won’t let it rid me of my happiness and oppurtunities because i derserve happiness as well’ .You can’t control how people treat you,nor can you change their behaviours ,i hope it gets better for you from here on out <3
That really struck me, thanks that was a big help <3
