Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

asking myself…“huh, what you doing…no one is gonna hear your calls of pain”
I guess I gotta write, I can’t just keep all that inside. vague as a night, so no one can see.

oh weellll, who else to talk to, except myself. the amazing self…
man I am really sad, I want to cry all day…sometimes I just want to have DID, so I wouldn’t have to be conscious and take decisions all time.
mhm, that’s how lonely I am. so someone else would be there when I am tired and want to at least take some rest from life.
I am so much in pain man, no one understands. I don’t have big problems, but for some reason, my mind decides to feel sad.
for some reason, you need company and emotional connection.

what if that’s not available.

how many times I gotta tell ya, how many f times! a fool and an idiot you’re! no one is gonna be there for ya EVER, no one will come, there’s no use to these emotions. you’re alone and will be always alone.
and you gotta adapt, you can’t live your whole life like that, hoping for something you will never, we all know things won’t change. you can’t live on false hope, because in the moment of truth, you will collapse. you can’t just keep collapsing.
you need to get rid of this emotional neediness.

do you even recognize? YOU’re the problem in my life. my life is so great, your emotional neediness, the emotional mind is the ONLY problem I have. like literally, fuck this world, who needs it, you don’t need people. you shouldn’t.

I am have been trying to be positive and nice to ya, but I have got enough with your emotional neediness. so pathetic, yes, it’s so pathetic.
you’re so valuable, yet, you put yourself in the dirt, just because you need some love? lmao, such a fool. you have the whole world and all of its aspects to enjoy, and then you whine about such an insignificant little thing called “love”?
you need to understand, there are things in life you can have while others, you will never have. that’s how life is. can you fucking believe me? can you just lose this useless emotion?
it’s literally, LITERALLY the ONLY thing that’s hindering you back.

you’re an intelligent, educated, talented and thoughtful man. you can have all the power and all the fun you want. but nooooo, you need love “oh please, someone love me! a friend, anyone!” do you hear yourself, how you sound?! so pity. is that how you want to be? is that how you want to live?
can’t you just man up and be tough. I AM tough, but YOU? you’re just hindering me back, like a little whining kid who always cries.

sorry son, I don’t have any other options. I can’t force people to love or care about you. but I can work hard, and I can do whatever I want and need to do.
the only option is JUST FORGET about it.

you have the WHOLE world to enjoy, to discover and reveal its mysteries, to have all the adventures you want… why can’t you just FEEL it? stupid emotions. so stupid. SO FUCKING STUPID. like…retarded level, you know lol. a mentally retarded person makes more sense than your stupid little insignificant emotions.

you gotta be cold, you gotta be cruel to survive in this world. you need to be hardened, that’s what you need. you need to see how miserable life can actually be, so you could know, how stupid your whines are.

honestly, I am so tired of you. you’re unbearable annoying. intolerable. and an idiot. while I got one of the best rational and creative minds out there, I am stuck with the worst and stupidest emotional mind. I am 100% better of without you. oh and don’t take the fun emotions. just take the love and bond desire, that’s all. and I promise if you stop desiring those, 90% of sadness, yes a fucking 90% of sadness while just boof, gone.
what stupid evolutionary shit. human is social animal, humans need to socialize and bond. no, that’s stupid, I, the awareness, the conscious and the logical part are enough, more than enough to survive. some aspects of emotions like emotions that are fun and such as well, so it can make life colourful.
I don’t mind feeling sad, sad is fine.
but that’s just pure pain and misery, lack of motivation, huge frustration level…it’s not “just sadness”.
I am so tired of you, and I am better of without you. and if there was a drug or medicine that would kill this love bonding desire I would have taken it RIGHT now.
if you were a living thing, I would have loved to torture you for life, killing ya, and bringing you back to life just to torture ya again and kill ya again and so on endless, so you just have a slight idea of my pain.