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@nowandme
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Ask Me Anything with Saniya Bedi on July 22, 2020

@therapybysaniya is an experienced counselling psychologist. Till date, she has helped change 1,000+ lives. Her individual sessions are empathetic, non-judgmental, and comfortable. She deals with issues encompassing personal, interpersonal, family, marriage, relationship, academic
or career-related concerns.

@therapybysaniya runs a private practice in New Delhi and works as a consultant psychologist at the University of Delhi.

Feel free to take her opinion and advice on your mental well-being and wellness during this pandemic. It is an open discussion!

You can post your questions below by July 21, 2020 (Tuesday)

@therapybysaniya would be answering them right here on this thread on July 22, 2020 (Wednesday)

Asking questions shows strength, not weakness.

🧡 Ask away and stay informed! 🧡

29 Comments
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Anonymous

Hi saniya,

I don’t know if i should call this as problem but i am digging my own grave by overthinking on everything. I live with my brother and my mom and always i get in argument with my mom and we stop talking to each other mostly. Other than this i am 21 now and i have been working from past 2 years and studying, always i think my self that i should be a child who should take care of their family and i really want best for them but always end up with disaapointment that i am doing nothing for them. Along with this i have been going through a love problem where i have chased the guy for 2 years and now both family’s are okay for our marriage but i feel distant with the guy it is not because i don’t love me but i feel like does he even love me as he always spend his time with family and cousins. He just doesn’t give any time for him he always says he was not been able to manage his time or other excuses. I don’t want to be in forcely relationship with him and i just want him to express his love if he has for me and if he don’t then atleast he should let me know

t
@therapybysaniya

Hey there! Thanks for writing in and thanks for trusting!

I understand that being in the overthinking zone is not a great space to be in. However, overthinking is basically a thought process wherein we feel that the concern is bigger than our ability to solve the same. I am happy that you are thinking about things and taking them head-on! Requires courage!

I feel there are no ‘shoulds and musts’, there are just trials! So we can be easy on ourselves there! I feel there are some things that are in our control and some which are not. Basically there is a circle of concern that includes anything and everything that upsets us, bothers us etc., however, we have little or no control over it. Then there’s a circle of influence which includes anything and everything that bothers us but we have quite a bit of control there. It’s not wrong to feel bad or acknowledge things that bother us, however, at the end of the day, we need to bring our attention towards the concerns that we have control over!

So let’s try and function from the circle of influence and let’s ask this question- “What can I do about it?”🌸

Anonymous

It really helped to control my thinking, it’s just that we all need time to get over the sad moments !! 😊

ivyaberdeenfan
@ivyaberdeenfan

Hello! I need to ask a lot of things…

nowandme
@nowandme

Hi @ivyaberdeenfan 👋
Please feel free to ask your questions here! Saniya will be answering all of them for you 🤗

ivyaberdeenfan
@ivyaberdeenfan

Thanks!

pawanism
@pawanism

Hey 😍😍

nowandme
@nowandme

Hi @pawanism 👋
Please feel to free to ask Ms. Bedi any questions regarding your well-being and mental wellness!

ivyaberdeenfan
@ivyaberdeenfan

I have this best friend named Taylor. I always get annoyed when she doesn’t spend time with me. When she kisses her boyfriend, I feel… To put it like this, “annoyed.” I don’t know if I have a crush on her. I also tend to feel like I run out of things to say when I try to have a conversation with her. When I can out to her as nonbinary over text, she was very supportive and told me that I was a great friend. I felt this odd tingly sensation overtake me. I was very happy and giddy that she had sI know she is straight, but I still want to tell her my feelings. How do I do that? I have no other choice but to tell her over text because of coronavirus. The school year hasn’t started yet. I also get annoyed when she doesn’t text answer me right Sre these signs that I may have a crush? How do I accept that she may not return my feelings? My parents are also homophobic so how can I date her behind my parent’s backs? PS I just found out my older sister was gay and I was do surprised and happy!

t
@therapybysaniya

Thank you for sharing your story! It’s so beautiful that you are not only accepting of yourself but also people around you! That’s a special quality! 🤗

I feel it’s not a bad idea to actually write down what could be the pros and cons of this. This can not only give you an idea of what are the possibilities however, will also allow you to have a third person perspective about this. This can also help you take out whatever there is in your mind and heart onto a safe space! I am sure, you’ll find a way! 🌸

r
@ritik1604

I was in a Distsnce relationship for past 2.5 years.she was such a nice girl. Before relation we had been in friendship for 2.5 years including 9 months of friendship in same school & after that Distance friendship . After our Relationship started, she got to know about one of her good friend like her. She was emotional & symphathised for him from that time. Few time she felt attracted to him & she also stopped talking to any other guy including him. But though she was board candidate ,during practicals he tried to talk with her a few times. Sometimes she ignored him because of myself but She also like to talk with her. & Because she ignored her ,she felt guilt & also emotional about his situation.
Post CBSE exam his school life ended. Our conversation also limited because of lockdown.
Suddenly she started like feeling for him. Now she thinks that she never loved me, but loving her for past 2 years. But it is unacceptable thing for me & her friends too.

But one thing I am sure about that SHE love me so much. We have planned everything.

Plz Suggest what should I do

t
@therapybysaniya

Hey! thanks for writing in!
One of the essential pillars of any relationship is ‘communication’. It is essential to communicate your negotiables and non-negotiables (what’s acceptable to you and what’s not) and likewise for her. It’s essential to draw some common goals for the both of you and proceed then. There is a possibility that what’s acceptable to you may not be to her, however, it is essential that you both look at what the both want compassionately, passionately and with 100% respect! 🌈

2
@22112002

Hii I m student

Anonymous

I need to know when to consult a psychologist.
Because I’m physically in pain due to thyroid. Mentally stressed due to my Career in CA which I think I have to drop.
2 failed relationship via online. Quarrelling parents and later I joined to shout at them
Emotionally wrecked now.
I cry at everything. I can’t take decisions on my career. Im now at a condition that I can’t quit CA but also can’t continue it.
It’s killing me inside. I don’t have any passion to do now. I am feeling a lot of things for years.
I don’t know what to do. Should I consult a psychologist??

t
@therapybysaniya

It’s great to know that you have the courage to share what you are really feeling! Thanks for trusting!

When I read your narrative, it looks to me that you are in distress. Hence, I feel it’s not a bad idea to consult one. However, therapy can be undertaken by anyone who feels they need a safe space to share their stories. Therapy is just a judgment free zone, a safe space to share anything. So go ahead! I hope it’s a great experience for you!

vishalg
@vishalg

Hii Saniya,

3 years back i was very frustated due to financial conditions of my family as i am the eldest son and after that i was having problem focusing on anything dor the next 3 months …i could not sleep .Everytime i closed my eyes my mind ran a race and i had 50 thoughts at a time, cannot explain that feeling and state of mind.
I even had suicidal thoughts but i controlled myself and again started working normally…things changed but after that i guess i am very stable mentally but somewhere inside my head i am always afraid of helath issues and always think - what if this particular disease happens to me kinda thoughts.

I,ve even suppressed those thoughts by engaging with family and friends and practising meditation and exercises.

Now my issue is that i still sometimes get these health related thoughts.
Request you to please give some opinion about how can i totally live my live without taking stress about these types of things. I know i have to but dont know how to… so please let me know your thoughts on my situation.

Looking forward for your reply, thanks

t
@therapybysaniya

Hey! totally understand that the situation is extremely overwhelming. However, I feel in order to truly honour your narrative, you may require some help, someone who can provide a safe space to you to share whatever you’d like to. It is clear that you have gone through a lot. Now it’s the time to honour the same!

I’d recommend that you can give therapy a shot. The judgment free zone that therapy provides, together with working on your personal growth while taking care of your trauma can be a great way of starting this!

Anonymous

Hi,

I am not sure if I should say this here and if I’m being a bother I’m sorry about that but for quite some time now I just feel like a disappointment. I don’t think I deserve existence and I don’t value it enough. I’m sorry if I don’t make any sense but hearing about all the deaths and suicides makes me wish I could give my life to them. Lately I’ve been doing nothing more than sleeping for 15ish hours and I’m still tired all the time. I can feel myself drifting from my parents and lose interest in my relationship which once kept me on my toes. I don’t feel like doing anything anymore, and I don’t know, I just feel so hopeless.

t
@therapybysaniya

Hey! thank you for sharing your narrative and you don’t have to feel sorry for feeling somethings. It’s absolutely okay! I do understand that it’s been extremely disturbing for us and it can be an extremely overwhelming space to be in. However, I would recommend that you can consider seeing a therapist who can help you navigate your feelings beautifully. If you are in the age bracket of 18-25 RAAHAT by Children’s first provides free of charge counselling sessions! Hope that helps!

g
@ghostlylitballoon

Thank you.

s
@shorty

I have an issue that I need sorting. I’ve written it below:
I’m normally here giving advice but this time, I need advice.
My Story: I spent 18 years in the US. In a city where at that time, the majority ethnicity was black. I wasn’t treated nicely by some of the folks there because I was a minority. It never reached the level of being racially profiled by the police but it was by my peers, a handful of times by teachers and even a manager. I was socially nurtured to hold the belief that if your discrimination did not go to the level of systemically being profiled (by the police) then your experience did not matter.
So I move to the UK - tired of living in such a divided country. I also wanted to shield my husband from that sort of abuse so I moved abroad.
Cue the pandemic.
A few weeks after being in lockdown, one of my managers in my office messages me. Asking me how I’m coping with the Quarantine- especially me being a BAME (Black And Minority Ethnicity). My first response to that was: Wut? I’m a BAME? Huh. I started thinking about that. Yes. Perhaps I am. I’m half Japanese and half White and I’m an US citizen. I guess I am a minority here in the UK.
This idea, never occurred to me. Why? Because I grew up being told that my experiences did not matter.
Cue in the BLM (Black Lives Matter) movement. Here we go again, right? I look at their website- it just talks about yet again the systemic racism against Black people and NO ONE else. Do I think this struggle exists? Absolutely. Do I think it could be done differently? You’re darn right.
Cue in today:
Some of my work colleagues created a Microsoft Teams group called BAME Staff Discussion. Two are Afrikaans. One is from Barbados, one is from the UK but is half black, half white and the other is Indian and then me. But they’re discussing BLM & the inequality that they’ve experienced. And what happens with me? I feel shame. I feel like a fraud. I feel shame because I cannot voice MY experience of being discriminated against by black people because I was taught by American society that my experiences don’t matter. I feel shame because I was discriminated against by an employer who was from India. He paid me less for not being from the country he and the other staff were from. So, this shame; the one I’ve carried for 30 years rises up in my heart, my throat. And it makes me feel like a fraud. A fake BAME.
Do I come clean with them and hope that they don’t invalidate my experiences? Or do I continue to stay quiet?
Thank you for reading.

t
@therapybysaniya

Hey! Thank you so much for sharing your narrative! And a bigger thank you for trusting! I completely understand what you mean. When for a longish period of time someone trivialises our feelings and thoughts, it seems like the feelings and thoughts don’t matter and when we fully process the silence, we start feeling if we validated our feelings appropriately. Hence, the confusion you are facing is 100% understandable. I would say it’s a great idea to go with the flow. Do as you feel. And how do you take care of the guilt? By allowing yourself to remember what transpired and why you did what you did! Hope this helps!

Anonymous

What to do if talking is not possible with that person you broke up with and you need a closure for your own self? How to handle this?

t
@therapybysaniya

I understand! It can be a very overwhelming space! I feel some techniques work e.g. writing them a letter/email/ message and not sending it necessarily. It’s a great idea to journal your feelings as well. Helps in calming down. Sometimes grounding yourself to the reasons as to why something happened can help you ease off the pain! Hope this helps!

ivyaberdeenfan
@ivyaberdeenfan

THANKS SANIYA!🤓😍🌈🌈

ivyaberdeenfan
@ivyaberdeenfan

Hey Saniya,
How do I know I’m nonbinary in gender identity? What are some questions I can ask myself? Are there any unisex names for Hannah? Are there any signs for NB?

Anonymous

I need help motivating myself to go to work every day. I just started a new job (1 month)and I just called in fake sick three days in a row. I like my job alright, it’s pretty good. But I always do this. Help

Anonymous

Hi I am a 23 year old girl and I am feeling really sad and can’t stop crying, I have been crying the whole night and still the tears keep rolling. I broke up my 7-year relationship as it was getting toxic or maybe it was already very toxic and I realized that now. I loved him and maybe I still do but I know he isn’t right for me, I am trying to move on but failing miserably. After my brake up I started talking to one of my Male friend and we really connected and talked about all my feelings and breakup and we even sexted. We both talked to eachother all day everyday since we both were stuck in lockdown and sometimes I used to feel that I was cheating on my boyfriend with him but than I realized I am avoiding the pain by talking to him and shutting my feelings somewhere deep down inside me and I know it’s not good for me and I started keeping distance from him and today he(the friend I have been talking to) was sad and I was trying to cheer him up and was talking about missing peopl and I said stop missing and start living and he said that “maybe you can forget people easily but I cannot” and it hurts me after that I didn’t said anything and left the chat. Since then every feeling I was burying inside me is coming back I ended up reading my chats with my boyfriend (ex), it was mostly fighting in that chat it was right before we broke up and I don’t know why I am missing him a lot and even thought of calling him but I didn’t because I know I would regret it later. I don’t have anyone to talk to about my feelings and I don’t know what to do? My life is a complete mess right now, no job because of covid and no friends to talk to as I was too busy with my ex boyfriend and didn’t made any friends and I can’t share my feelings with my family as they don’t know about my boyfriend. I just need somebody to talk to about what all I am feeling please someone help me.

nowandme
@nowandme

Hello Everyone!

@therapybysaniya’s AMA is now closed. However, for those of you whose questions remain unanswered, you can head over to this thread: https://nowandme.com/ask-me-anything-with-arouba-kabir-on-july-TdIKYM4eQ for our latest AMA.

The deadline to ask your questions on this new AMA is July 25, 2020!
Don’t miss your chance! See you there 👋