Memories

I'm trying. I'm trying so hard. I'm trying to move on. I'm trying to forget him. I'm trying to pretend he didn't shatter my very heart and soul. But I can't.  Every person calling my name is his voice. Every object I see is something that reminds me of him. My Mom made butter chicken last night. I normally love it. But instead, I excused myself, said I didn't feel good, and went and cried myself to sleep. Butter Chicken was his favorite. He said that was what he was going to make for our first dinner in our new home together. Every time the numbness or the pain fades away a little bit, it just comes back stronger. 
I'm such a fool. I truly thought I had finally found the one. I thought he loved me. Instead, once again, I fell and gave my entire being to someone who didn't care. And now once again, I am broken. Except this time....
I don't know if I can ever be whole again.....

Anxiety

Sooo guys I think I messed up. I (f16) have always been close with my neighbour (m18 lets call him F.). We always been best friends but more kinda like siblings, at least thats how he always saw it. F. Has a really close friend (m17 we call him N.) to whom I also came really close to naturally. Last month we three and F. Family were on a vacation but F. Family was pretty chill and let us do what we want basically. So one night N. And I hooked up when we were drunk, it was my first "real" kiss. I remembered he didnt. For a few weeks I tried to ignore it by avoiding him and hangig out with F. alone more often. A few days ago N.and I met up and finally talk about what happened, he said how he actually really likes me and wants to take me out. I have to say that I do really like N. And could imagen us together. The same day F. comes over and explains how he thinks that there is more than friendship between us and how he wants to see if we could wirk as a couple. F. Was kinda my first love but he always made clear that he just wanted to be friends, or so I thought. I dont know if I should give him a chance or if it would just destroy everything. And I do really like N. Its just so complicated rn. I dont know what I should do and dont want to hurt anyone. I know that i will have to but i just dont know if I should give one of them a chance at all or not and if yes who. Its just alot rn

Confusion

Can someone help me I need it immediately. So my boyfriend texted me today saying - "lmao uk I can't hide stuff frm u" then I replied to him why he's saying this now then he said "there's a reason I said that" then I said why what's wrong then he just texted me "think about this n tell me". Now wtf this text means then he just said me goodnight and went off like wtf this means?? Can someone tell me what does this mean?? Btw for a little info it's a casual dating there's no love between us like we love each other as a frnd but idk what does this text means 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Relationships

Why has he done this to me ??

3am Thoughts

 Hello
When I was 16 years old. I was in a relationship with my schoolmate. We were actually good. Sometimes he feels so possessive of me. I broke up with him because it was a bit toxic. A few years later, I met him, We talked maturely and had a good conversation. Later he expressed my feelings for me again. So since Then I again started to have some feelings again. Right now, I am happy even If I am single I don't want to get into any relationship . But he tried to be more mature enough than before. But I am so confused to get into a relationship with him again. 

Hello everyone I am new here. 
I came here so that I know what should I do with my current situation. I am going through the worst breakup ever that's giving me mixed feelings. Me and my partner were having lots of ups and downs but that day when we broke up for real. I cried and begged him to stay, he said he will not come back to me. I cried and after doing no contact with him for 5 dyas, I blocked him in every flatform so that I can resist myself from talking to him. I also asked him to block me on WhatsApp he denied many times to block me but at the end he did because I pleaded him to do. Then after 5 days, I cried my lungs out I missed him so badly.. I can't accept the fact that we actually broke up. I was in denial my health deteriorated day by day . Seeing my condition my cousin sister who is really close to me decided to talk to him, she talked with him and he told her that he can't stay with me.. Because I always get angry at him and would always argue over small things he got tired. I was really rude to him since I was very bad showing my emotions and at the end I would end up being cold and heartless. I have hurted him many times. But I loved him too. Last time I pleaded him again and asked me to give me a chance because I love him and I will never do it again. (He was my first bf and my first relationship so I wasn't sure what makes an relationship collapse ) I did many mistakes. When last time I talked with him he was not sad, he was so emotionless and said that he got bored and doesn't love me anymore and that he wouldn't give me a chance. He was nice but distant. He said he would call me again but he didn't. He didn't blocked me anywhere but he never talked to me first too. I talked to him today if he had reached his home since he was out of town during our breakup and stayed with his cousin. He used to love me a lot I can't accept that he had moved on in just two days and lost feelings for me so easily.. Am I that replaceable? 

Breakup

Why does he need to be so hot and cold all the time?
I want to punch him, kick him but most of all I want to kiss him and never let him go.
He is a senior and I am a freshman, which means that next year we probably won't be in the same country and this is why we are not together. We are in an "open relationship" but since there are no places to go and no parties we only see each other.
We do everything together. Play videogame, watch Netflix, cook, he even stay over every single night.
But why?
Why does he sleep on an air mattress in a shitty student hotel when he can go to his perfect apartment?
Why does he treat me like I am his princess?
Why did he admit to having feelings for me?
Why is he so caring and protective towards me?
Why can't he just make up his mind?
Why are his actions giving me different signals than his words?
And after doing all those things he just keeps a straight face.
I know that I should talk to him about my feelings and tell him that I want us to be together but I am scared. What if he rejects me or pushes me away after?
I think I am in love with him...I screwed. 
  
  

One Sided Love

Am being in a relation since one year. We were actually best friends but due to some consequences we were into a relation. Am very happy in the beginning but now am getting a feeling that am burden to him and I feel like it would be better if have not met him. The main reason for this is because of his past....(his ex came back and making some kind of emotional blackmails) and second is due to his family difficulties he is being avoiding everyone....Recently am being upset with all these things and not able to concentrate on my career. I have very good friends who are cheering up but am again going into the hole of loneliness. I have already approached my bf about this feeling but it made him more sad due to his present family problems so am not able to convey my feelings to him. 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts