As a person who has been on the above average side of things all your life, it feels like the world shutting when you are no longer enough. Online studies and this online environment may have much adverse effects on many people, but for me it feels like it has just pulled me down as an individual. I feel like I have lost all the concentration, the ability to hold on. I have started to delay things to an extend that I fall behind deadlines. I understand nothing in classes. The ongoing practical exams tell me nothing more than of the time I have wasted, the difficulty to grasp even the simplest of things. I am failing terribly. I am afraid to even look up to my parents and tell them that I cannot do this anymore. I plan to work hard, I plan to change myself but soon I loose interest with the mentality that we’ll see whatever will happen what worse could go from here. I just feel like crying. My best friend who has been completely away from all the studies because of her health, is also dependent on me and I feel like I am failing her too. I assure her that everything would be fine were I myself do not know if everything will ever be fine. Pressure is all over me and I am unable to do anything. I just want to run away from all these things. Being in my final year of grad, I don’t even know what I will do next. My family and friends have huge expectations and I just do not know where my heart lies. I am completely clueless. I was the one who was a therapist for all the people around me, now I just push people away with my behaviour and want to be alone, and then I myself end up feeling bad for hurting them. Basically, I do not recognise who I am anymore. And for all this, I blame covid, the lockdown and online everything.
I relate to this. I too am in last year of my grad. I don’t know the answer to this honestly. I just want you to know that you’re not alone. One suggestion I could give you is, try to rely on your close friends, tell them how you feel. It’s okay to ask for help. You will find that many share your problems. It will make you feel less stressed about yourself (it does ).
Friends truly are a blessing in life and holding on to them at this point has become so hard. But the good thing is they know you and don’t let go sooner. Thankyou for your reply. Hope you do well.