Anyone working in IT  company need help to switch job ..... Currently working in TCS as a Full stack developer.

Education

Today was my mid term biology exam
I am going to fail... Physics too. Yes i am a neet student. I dont know how i am going to face my parents, teachers and friends. I use to be a good grade student, thats what make it hard to face and its embarrassing. Its a normal exam still, yea., i'll update what happened next after they all see my grades. 

Exam

I have no friends last 4 year .. I am feel soo alone now days ... So what should i do for make friend because i feel so alone now days ...

Confusion

Come,stab a knife through my heart 

Depression

Well, Idk where to exactly start...
Even while typing this down I am so exhausted and feeling as if anything I do there is no end to this melancholic shit feeling. (Sorry to use slang words) 
I am a writer, who is published author of 3 short stories in different anthology books, have published my own set of poems on amazon kindle, 
I am an artist, who is good at paintings and even digital illustrations, 
A post-graduate in english literature,been blogging since 2013 (not consistent) thought. 
I have my own blogging website. 
Why am I rambling so much about me, 
Well thats where it begins, even after being so talented ( do you think I am talented or all was just sheer luck??) Been working so hard still am now where earning even a penny in life..
I belong to a conservative family who believes woman should not work a 9 to 5 job, unless you are not a teacher or doctor. That also many are asked to leave while getting married. 
Anyway, lets not talk about family issues here, I don't want to get into that... 
I am here to ask, why things are not working for me? 
Last year I even designed a hand+drawn, hand painted calendar, digitzied them and turned them into a  desk calendar which had some okaish response but everyone loved it. 
I also designed to-do list notepads and planner diary which also had some good response. 
I did some commissioned work too last year. 
Where most of us, where crying over pendamic not serving well to a lot among us, i was there dancing like a baby to finally things working out for me. 
As soon as January began everything went down the hill. 
It's been 3 months now, no work, no good appreication over my art.
Infact these days I am feeling kind of am i even a good artist to call myself an artist? 
I just paint through a video tutorial, if I try to paint original nothing works out good. 
I feel so dejected and give up... 
I am so tired...and frustrated...
On top of this the loneliness sucks. Not that I am a people's person, i have trust issues due my past and I don't wish to talk about that now... 
I so am craving love, attention care, someone to hug me tight while letting me cry hard... 
On top of all these, my parents are looking for a suitable match for me, and I came across one guy, whom I liked, so much so, i texted him on Instagram and confessed I have a huge crush on him (like seriously! Thats not me) i am the kind who wants a guy to approach me, but i did it anyway... I really want this to work but he is into a kind of profession where, there is network issue and replies takes like ages, he have been extremely kind till now, but then I texted him about me leaving it to time since I feel he does not deserve to be pressured by me to like.me, i need to figure my ways out first, get financially independent before getting into something..
But how can I be so mad behind someone I dont even know, like there is this strong feeling I want this to work and I feel if we could just meet once atleast I can know if I am right or wrong...but only time will tell that. 
I keep reminding myself to not think about it whats meant to happen will happen, why over think.
But like... I am so tired and literally tired of being alone, of being someone whose feelings are not even considered for once... 
I am so tired of everything... i wish I could just run away not just from the situation but also from my own self. 💔

Lonely

I just need an online friend, With whom I can share what I feel like? Is it possible to find that on this platform? 

Girlfriend

I just want to kill myself. I'm so done with everything. 

Suicidal Ideation

I never feel alone because
loneliness is always with me 🙂

I'll never let anything or anyone distract me from my career. I'm not too sure of what I want to do ahead in life but I don't want anyone to be my weakness here. 

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