Anyone wanna connect ? Very bored & looking for some new friends but a little introvert guy here 😅😆

Chat pr koi introvert nhi hota.
Jake fake id se apni crush ko i lobe u bhi bolaao kuch nhi hoga

Friends

12.....................................................................................

3am Thoughts

Chit chat anyone? Felt bored so why not lol

Dair lagegi!

Magar sahi hoga!

Tumhe jo chahiye na? Wohi hoga

Din burey hai, Zindagi nahi. Sabar rakho! Sab hoga♥

Affirmations

Toxic families are the worst ...with a toxic environment they stop you from thriving ..if someone is in a similar situation please connect 

Single by choice not by circumstances ✌️

Body Positivity

I know you are tired
With a void in your soul. 
But,
Don't you know yet?
Come, 
I'm your heart.
I am peace. I am music. I am the way. 
Listen to me.
I am thousand. 

This text is going to be very long since I am going to talk about something which lasts about 4 years and has gotten worse from time to time. I have never talked with someone about it. I'm afraid to, because the problems I have are really stupid and weird. I'm actually really sure that no one has experienced it yet or know how to cope with it but I will post this anyways.
*Tw//Suicide/Depression/Insomnia*
So, let me start from the beginning: I had to skip the 7th grade bc of my good performance in school. That was the point where everything started. I was bullied and called nerd. They made me feel like an outcast. During that time I lost a lot of friends and felt so lonely. I let my grades drop intentionally so that they would stop calling me a nerd and all that kinda stuff. I just had two friends back then. One of them moved and changed school after 2 years. And the other one decided to live with her dad in America. (I live in Europe) 
There I lost nearly everything. I had no one, everyone had left me. I got depressed, my grades dropped and I had suicidal thoughts. I didn't want to live anymore. No one would care. 
Then I became familiar with Stray Kids (a Kpop group) who helped me a lot through their music and messages. But I somehow tried to cope with it alone and started to develop really weird, let's call it 'habits'. 
My thoughts are really toxic. I can't control them and they really destroy me. Always, when I feel fear, I connect really weird things to it. That's why it is hard to get rid of this mechanism. It is difficult to describe but I always doubt the things around me as the trigger for my failure and feelings. Because of this I can't rlly concentrate on anything since 2 years. I'm afraid to not be able to concentrate and bc of this fear I really can't concentrate. It's so stupid. I begin saying that I can't do it bc of this noise, bc of this object in my field of view. It's horrific. 
I'm also a perfectionist and let disrupt me from small things. The problem is that I can't forget these stupid thoughts so it is constantly in my mind. This fear controls me. Bc of this shit I also suffer from insomnia. I guess I haven't slept longer than 6 hours for almost 2 years now. Thoughts are just really hard to control when there has been developed a -in my case bad and wrong- structure and routine. 
I think that's it for today. Maybe I will continue this story bc there are a lot more things to tell but I guess I will end it here. 
I'm so thankful for every single person who has read everything up to here and hope for a response. Thank you! 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts