Any mature person here
Who can answer what to do when you are in a dilemma about marriage without asking questions 

You are having the conversation with the future partner of family. What's the current status?

3am Thoughts

I sense anger gnawing at my very thoughts, slowly eroding my memory. There's a genuine fear that I may eventually forget even my own name and the cherished individuals in my life, but I want to etch it into these words: I hold an immense love for him and her. His name is Cha, and hers is Adhi, my dear Husband and niece. They have bestowed upon me a love so profound, unlike anything I've experienced before.

I still recall a poignant moment when my fury consumed me over some trivial matter, and Adhi, approached me with open arms and said, "It's okay" and she was 5...That memory has carved a profound void within my heart. Yet, with the fragments of love that remain, I cherish her with all my being. She truly is an angel in my life.


Celebration

I miss my old life

I lived in a different country for 11 years, ever since I was 1 and I grew up there. It was a VERY bittersweet experience, like high school but you can remember all the sweet memories that you'd wanna go back to.

I miss all my childhood friends, teachers that actually gave a shit about me and my family, the way classes were actually capable of teaching me things or the way school was something to smile about with Christmas parties, discos or even the school lunches outside

Or high school (British) where i made two amazing friends, the three of us were unseperable. Hanging out outside with our lunches, going around town all weekend. The awesome teachers or the difficult situations (made difficult by my own anxiety) that give the the nostalgia that i can still feel myself walking down those corridors every day

Everything was bittersweet

Now everything has crumbled apart, my parents moved me and my siblings to the country we visited our family

I hate myself for wanting to leave but I was so tired of the stress. I regret it all, I regret ever agreeing and its stuck to me now.

My grades are falling apart, I've developed an eating disorder, my health is worse, my mental health is getting worse and I'm stuck in this all alone. 

I feel like I have no future here

I wish I left it how it fucking was if I knew how much pain it is causing, but if i stayed? It'd be worse than it was

I feel like my whole life is just regret and guilt and misery

Loss

Looking for a good convo kind of bored with the people arround me lol

Because I grew up with two mentally ill parents, I chose not have children. 
1) Because I didn’t really have a childhood and wanted to enjoy my life after I’d established it, and 2) I didn’t feel that passing on those genes was very responsible (plus my spouse has severe mental illness in their immediate family as well.)

Why pressure me about my decision? It has no effect on anyone else but me and my spouse. I don’t lecture people when they announce a fifth or sixth pregnancy! Have as many kids as you want. I chose zero, and that shouldn’t be something I get chastised for. Also, it’s very uncomfortable to talk to strangers or acquaintances about my abusive childhood. It’s awkward and uncomfortable for everyone. 

Child Abuse

I woke up and studied for my exam. It makes me happyyyyy🌸🌸

Happy

Hi.
I am not okay. 
my parents want me to become a doctor. But I want to do something else. Even I had thought of becoming a doctor cuz of which I had opted for biology in 11th grade but I passed 12th this year and found out that my interest lies elsewhere. But when I told them that, their behaviour became really toxic. They laughed at me, said things to me.. guilt tripped me by saying that I have reduced their lifespan.. that I'm a cheater. My parents allowed me to pursue my dream but even now my mother comes to me and starts crying. She says "we have done so much for you, you should also prove yourself and make us happy. You are playing with your career. Medicine is such a secure and respected profession."

In their opinion, there is no profession greater than a doctor's and that all doctors earn so well and even if they aren't successful at least they'd earn enough to support a family. (That's the case in India Idk about other countries.)

I feel anxious and scared at my home all the time.. I want to run away from here.. it's really toxic. 
I have always been an underconfident person. Now when I was FINALLY sure about what I want to do and was willing to work hard day and night, they are pulling me down and making me lose my confidence all over again.
The last three months have been really hard for me.. anxiety took over me.. so much so that it affected me not only mentally, but my physical health also deteriorated.
I feel on edge.
I really don't know what to do. Did I make the right choice by listening to myself? I know I took the decision late but I am only human. I have always lived in so many restrictions that I didn't even know what all options were opened for me. Ever since I was a child, I used to hear about just these two professions- engineer and doctor.

These days I don't feel like talking to anyone. I zone out. I start crying randomly. I get dreams of my mother taunting me and showing me the bills of things as they think I only want to waste their hard earned money and nothing else. I thought I needed therapy.. but when I spoke to a psychologist, they said that not me but my parents need therapy more than me. I know they are concerned for me and want me to have a secure career, but if that's the case then every child would only pursue something that gave security irrespective of whether they are interested in it or not.

What are your thoughts on this?

Parenting

Agar khuaboo per humar bas hota ,
To her ek khuaab tumhara hota

Where can I even start…well the reason why I ended up on here was to share about my struggles and feelings towards my mother, my mother is hard working but that’ll be the only thing that I could think of positive about her. Growing up I’ve always the “chubby girl” in the family and she would always call me fat, overweight, big etc. which really hurt my feelings while growing up and she still calls me that and also the reason why I’m very insecure with my body. I hit middle and high school which made things even worst because I wasn’t that good at school and having average or below average grades in school and so she would always tell me I’m slow or you’ll never make it with those kind of grades, she even think that I would graduate and was ready for that but after I proved her and my dad wrong they suddenly switched up and was very happy for me which made uncomfortable and mad BUT I guess that wasn’t enough because having a messy room, not having my drivers license, not having a future plan is a big disappointment ;-; like I’m only 17 I may not have things that other kids my age or even younger haves but just at least try to help or give me time to get STARTED!!! pause neither of my parents ever taught me how to drive and so they want me to get my permit before driving….. like what?!?!? FYI I’m still studying the handbook but ALSO she compared me to a freshman who is driving   ;-; WELL IN FACT HER MOM WAS KIND ENOUGH TO GET HER INTO DRIVERS ED SO SHE COULD DRIVE AROUND THAN HER MOM DROPPING HER OFF TO PLACES ALL THE TIME!! Bruh she doesn’t understand she even compared me to the girl and she does that a lot to me with comparing me to other kids or my siblings 😃 but anyways I was mad and confronted to her that I was mad and she supposedly got even more mad and was yelling at ME and I was just annoyed so I ran to my room up stairs and that psycho lady came running upstairs to my room and was banging my door then my door suddenly opened and she was calling me insulting words towards me calling me fat and that I’m a low life piece of sh*t and then my dad had to force her out of my room and then the next day she straight up told me that if I don’t want to be compared then do better….. like b*tch YOU NEED TO DO BETTER I’mma expose her rq my mom is a psycho b*tch cuz she abused my dad like literally abuses him she even ruined my dads truck she literally attacked my dad which ended with my dad being in the hospital she also ran across my dads parking lot naked because of an argument and so if she’s ever seen at my dad work place property they will report her and she also tried to ruin my older sisters relationship over some stupid argument and she almost made my sister kill her self because her nudes were exposed from her ex and was slut-shaming her and ALSO blaming her for her ex coming to our house and egging it like wtf does she have to do with it when the mf ex did it???? And she also defended the ex that he’s a “good” kid LIKE HE LITERALLY WAS HARASSING MY SISTER AND MAKING HER FEEL MISERABLE AND UR REALLY DEFENDING HIM?!?! Yeah my mom is the WORST person ever also to add she’s a FAKE PERSON and a pleaser she likes to be nice to people and try to look nice in front of people but when it comes to my sibling my dad and I were just nothing to her unless we did something good then she will switch up but yeah my mom is the worst :(  

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts