another day passes by
doing nothing as the day goes by
going away all alone and why
thinking of a better day
struggling to stop a cry
another day passes by

Feeling same! 
It just feels like life is passing me by while I watch others work for there life. I simply do nothing for it!

3am Thoughts

Sending out to the universe. Happiness and joy. I want us to be together and happy. Life filled with love and love. Listen to me universe this one time ❤️

Gratitude

When you are feeling lonely and then you scroll down 200+ contacts only to find out that you've got no one to call and then reality sets in that shit you are alone... But isn't how you have always been. And then you turn back to your old friend music. You put on your headphones , put some lofi music, try to sleep while living a imaginery fantasy where you have friends and you are enjoying :)

Sex



Relationships

Here for the first time. I'm going to vent a little right now. Was looking for the right platform to do so anonymously and maybe this is the one. 
#TLDR
I am 29, female. I live alone and work in a different city but currently back home with my parents to stay closer to them with all thats going on around. My dad is 69, artistic, never suited for a family but he has one anyway. Never responsible, pathological liar, chain smoker, almost alcoholic, loves exaggerating (comes from him being a pathological liar), and has no idea about what maintaining space and boundary means. He is a great person at heart and don't get me wrong I love him immensely. But I hate him for being so childish, irresponsible, and stubborn. There's no way I can change him or talk him into it. He is too negative a person, and I understand he has a lot of pent up emotions but he never addresses them or wants to address them so honestly even if I try to I don't think I can get inside his head. He has a hard shell that he has built around him over all these years.

My mom on the other hand, 62, has single handedly, amidst all hard circumstances raised me and my older brother. She is the pillar & the strength of the family. I get her, she has too many pent up emotions, she has been wronged all her life and it is all coming out now. She is no longer the quiet woman who would not speak a single word and embrace all the wrongdoings throughout her whole life.  I am her best friend, she tells me everything, shares everything with me, also because she has no one to share it with. And I'm glad I've developed that relation with her over the last few years.  I think they do love each other but they share an extremely unhealthy relation which to me has been the definition of a normal family while grown up. 

My mom has to take all decisions on her own, and now that she is getting old she is feeling the loneliness and the dearth of having a partner in her life with whom she can collectively discuss about anything and everything, all the more (in spite of having one). My dad is usually lost in his own world, watching movies, reading books, staying awake all night reading/watching, sleeping all day, waking up whenever he wishes to, getting his food and tea whenever he asks for it, going out wherever whenever he wishes to. And there is absolutely no communication between them. 

Let me now speak about what particularly triggered me to come to this platform and use this platform to vent out my feelings today. Now that I've given some background, you must by now be having a fair understanding of these two characters in my life. 
Somebody who happens to be a distant family friend called my dad today morning to check on his health. As my dad started talking to this person, he also started making up stories about our family, giving unnecessary details that he shouldn't have, breaching our family's privacy and making it sound like a matter of fact. This infuriated my mother and led to her screaming at him, accusing him, pointing out how intolerable he is becoming day by day. She was upset, she was crying, and she ended up saying things which were borderline mean but unfortunately the hard truth about my dad. Now let me point out, this is the EVERYDAY situation at home. One moment there is peace, the next moment my dad will end up doing something which will shatter that peace.  While my mother was upset, my dad kept on defending himself using useless excuses and scrolling his phone unperturbed by the whole situation that he had caused. 

It is usually a very weird position for me to be in. Now while trying to calm my mother down, if I ask her to be a little easy on my dad, she will be even more disappointed thinking she is always the one who is pointed fingers at. If I try to pacify my mother and ask my dad to try and be cautious of his actions and behavior, he thinks my mother has successfully managed to get me onto her side. It is impossible to stay neutral at times. 
Needless to say this toxic environment which I've realised is not normal at all, has affected me in my ways. More on that later. Ending it here for now. 

This everyday environment at home was partially the reason as to what made me stay away from them for years. Now that I'm planning to come back and be around them more, I really don't know how I'm going to be able to live through all this drama every single day while also working from home. 

Family

I have had a very rough childhood due to which I have always been a shy kid.
My father didn't treat my mother well. My mother couldn't leave him due to her personal reasons.
My father and mother since childhood didn't really understand me and always scolded me instead.
As I grew up, my father started to make me feel I am good for nothing just because I failed one test. He forgot how I used to be in the top 5 all my school life.
He started mocking me for my whole life about that 1 exam which led to my self confidence going very low.
I feel I can do a lot as I have a lot of Calibre but due to my father's negative words I am not able to. I feel weak.
Currently I have got an admit from a top b-school in France but I still feel that I am not good enough.
Because he is never happy with whatever I achieve.
Also , my parents are very partial towards my brother.
Whenever he does something wrong nobody says anything to him but when it comes to me their anger increases.
My brother doesn't give me any respect while talking and whenever I question my parents about his behavior they say I overthink there's nothing wrong he does.

All these experiences are making me lose my self confidence. I am losing friends.
I feel very depressed and I now hate meeting with people which I feel will be a disadvantage for me once I reach France as I ll have to interact with other people.
But I don't know how ll I able too, I feel so low and don't know what to do 😔


Hi, I just met a girl and its just been a week and i fell i love with her, i dont think shes interested in me or iam not sure if have done something wrong that she is ignoring me some way, iam not getting over with it
Need help.
Or it will eat me up inside

Listening to Meethi Boliyan, trying to relax once in a while! ❤️

Music

why are girls so beautiful ???..lemme focus on studies please!!!

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts