And just like what Taylor said on one of her songs,

"If one thing had been different
Would everything be different today?"

I keep thinking and it keeps playing on my head. What if?

I never heard such a song, but after seeing this would definitely, and again this is such a great line
Now I am obsessing over this line

3am Thoughts

Does it ever get better..? 

Suicidal Ideation

Being vulnerable to your partner or anyone else, is scary.
The possibilty that they may know too much and then if they want to hurt me someday, it may hurt too much.
Ofcourse, being vulnerable may be beautiful but the 'what ifs' stop me everytime.
I cant share a few things and sometimes it gets so frustrated BUT I dont want anyone to know anything that they may hurt me with. :/

Does anyone feel restless 24x7? I always feel like I NEED to do something. What I am doing is not good enough. What I am doing can be done by anyone and my work is not special or useful. I am just living every day like last day and it's sad. Wake up, work, eat, watch TV, scroll phone, sleep. I want to get out of this monotonous cycle but I don't know how to start. I am just so tired and exhausted all the time. Exhausted of everything. 




Anxiety

Hello my name is ------ I am from -------, I don’t know when I was born, I somehow started “EXISTING”. People ask me if I fear death and honestly I was never able to cope with the reality of dying, that means I don’t think people die, rather they achieve the next level in their succumbed adventure of living, their subconciusness starts a new journey- journey beyond our (we who haven’t achieved the level yet) understanding, I always find myself in these weird situations where I have to pretend to be someone else, someone I have never heard of, besides these thoughts I am a very simple guy, I always wake up late in the morning and mostly miss my breakfast, then I go to my classes, it’s not like I am a lonely person, I have friends here they might also enjoy my company, except sometimes when I am “not me”, they don’t like me when I am something else they say I act different or weird, and it’s not their fault I have been getting these compliments for a long time now, it doesn’t bothers me I know I am weird and I don’t actually have a problem with that, although the real problem for me is as I have said I lack the living sometimes, it’s more like a troubleshoot, I lack times randomly.  I have talked about this to my friends and they suggest me to ask help from god. But I really don’t think there is someone like god up there, I think people created god for peace, I don’t know it’s what I believe in don’t worry I am not depressed or mentally not okay I work fine except for sometimes and those times are perplexing, I hope you understand what I am trying to say, now you might be wondering why did I wrote it here, well I wrote this for you YESS YOU. See I like how a human brain works, like take you as an example you are thinking right now who am I? your brain knows exactly that you don’t know me but still it’s trying to find something that can solve the mystery of my existence, memories flashing in front of your eyes for split of seconds, your brain is trying to connect the dots as much as it can. This way has always fascinated me, after all  that is how we know that we exist right? Well, I have wasted enough of your time and if you really came this far then I hope you best of luck. And stay safe at these complexing times, you are rare and important. 

Regards,
An 18 years old, 

Anytime you find yourself giving more energy than you receive, STEP BACK

Self Love

Feeling restless. Anyone up to share their thoughts !! 

Fucking holidays. There's no year I had a good time and everytime christmas eve, christmas and new year approaches I can't help but be depressed beforehand of these events. Always something bad happens. In my family no one is christian, we do it just for "pass quality time as a family and create memories" yet I wish we didn't... wish it was something it was left behind once I was not a child anymore and none of this was enthusiasming like it used to. It still hurts having to celebrate in a day where so much pain resurfaces. I don't like parties already and thinking of being there having to pretend to have fun with my family is unbearable.
"Creating new joyful memories for these days"... I just don't want to. Egoistically I want to avoid this, I feel obligated to give love I don't have and receive it just to fade away the next day. Everything about this day still hurts!! I don't want to think about these bad memories yet they only appear during these times and it sucks my energy... everything about this drains me whole

Life

Ever feel tired of running a race you don't want to... Ever feel like vanishing from the life you are compelled to continue living coz the people around u need you.. 


Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts