Agh who remember when i texted about that online girl who left me!? Umm it just got worse😖

She left me one week and 3days ago! Without explaining anything! Didnt got to say goodbye, and now she randomly came and literally talked me down because i cant cut off people like she did and tried to reach out for her! And now she comes and talks me down, for that, said that let it be and stuff and left again and again didnt let me say goodbye! I got to say what about our goodbyes? She quickly in 5seconds said sum ok i wish you luck, wish you happy life, she clearly didn't meant it. And left and didnt let me zay ANYTHING 

We were friends and i explained her that i catched feelings for her

On tiktok, and then we continued texting on insta


Because i cat fu**ing cut off people like they're nothing!!!;!

Huh?? Maybe because people have emotions? And how am i supposed to cut off people in one momet! Person who has saved me multiple times

Loss

For a long long time I've realised that loneliness is nothing but our own perception. If we feel we're happy being alone, we're happy. Once we start thinking that we have no one, we truly are alone. 

Other

In the midst of a forest you are, 
Can you hear it's raining hard? 
Ur senses begging for brightness, 
Thus you forgot the stars–
Your ears are bursted
with the bells of east wind. 
The storm is coming... 
To fill you with it... 
It is near, 
rage aloud.
The drenched road... 
thunder claps, 
Soliciting you
To be the part of it.. 
Adore it,
Then the wind will be dime... 
beauty will not be grim...
Rage... Rage with ur storm
Light up the woods
kiss them with ur thunder 
Rage 
Rage against the dying of light... 

Poetry

So upto like 8th Std i knew i was straight and into girls. I started liking this girl and used to talk to her, go to her house etc (she liked me as a freind). He bf was the macho kinda famous guy and he came to know about this coz some guys told him about it. So he and the girls cousin started bullying me and harassing me at school and used to make me cry. For some odd reason, i started getting attracted to her BF (strange right). After that day all I was is confused. M 26 now. In the middle i would be attracted to guys and girls both so thot m bisexual. Lately m hugely attracted to only guys but find it hard to accept it that i might be gay. I even have anxiety and this has led to suicidal thoughts many times. M worried if I do come out as gay what if again m attarcted to girls like how I would keep getting confused. I just dont understand whats happening. Sometimes i see people just drop dead and i envy them coz i wish that was me. Recently a guy died on a football field without any pain, nothing he just died. Wish that was me. Idk what to do feel so lonely sometimes

Anxiety

love will kill you in or out of relationships

Relationships

Things workout so easily for good looking people

Insecurity

Tenshen

Friends

So I have never spoken about this one dream except with a friend and my bf because it was just way to disturbing. My dream is sort of blurry bc I tried to forget about it but I won't ever. My dream started out by walking into a shed of some sort and it was just creepy I knew it was a witch next thing I know I'm fighting her I think because I'm trying to save a child from dying but I fail and this witch skins her alive and I couldn't believe what I was seeing it was so terrifying and disturbing I wanted to get out. And I do and it doesn't end I'm on and empty road and their is a school bus I see the driver and believe he was burnt I didn't understand but he closes the door and the bus goes on fire and I see a bunch of children in their burning alive and hearing their screams I couldn't do anything again I was screaming and crying trying to help them I was overwhelmed with grief over it like I couldn't handle it it was just to much. And then I wake up. So later on I go to school and my friend is scared because he is seeing this tall dark figure that is following him all day so I stay the night just to ease him but eventually we try to talk to it I didn't believe him. We didn't use a wiji board but this creature answers all his questions so I ask my friend to  ask what it thought about me.  it thought of me as a joke eventually it gets really personal still I didn't believe my friend about this then this creature told my friend about my dream and wanted to ask me why I didn't save those kids from the burning bus? I immediately froze and I wanted to cry bc I didn't tell anyone about it that day next thing ik is this creature wants me to go back to sleep and save these children I couldn't do it bc I was scared. Plus I didn't know what I was dealing with I didn't trust this thing bc it wanted to take my friends heart and have it weighed later we found out only one thing weighs hearts and it was the God anubis from Egyptian culture anyways this thing tells me that it's alright if I don't want to go because the children understand and forgive me or something and knows I have a good heart. So then my friend tells me he sees a hand go around my body then inside me and wraps around my heart he said this hand was the children guarding and protecting me idk all I do know is that day was really odd for me.

Dreams

I have been suffering from a back injury since one year now and it is straining

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