After being toxic , abusive and in denial for years and a lot of time... It's shocking how my parents are making lame excuses for their behaviour to my mami and others.
My dad is extremely narcissistic and so is my mom. And it makes me so numb, hurt and hopeless.

Hello. I'm not ok to say.. facing physical and mental anxiety and worry.. even my teeth pain is worsening. But can only hope and be patient.

if they're finding excuses they know they did the wrong thing. If you are able to maybe confront them? IDK. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Hope you're OK

Narcissism

Relationships,I tell you, are a funny business. They get to you, they get the better of you and they are often the end of you. 

3am Thoughts

If your best friend hurts you unintentionally would you forgive thinking it was a childish mistake?
I thought I had forgiven and moved on from the mistake he did 2.5 months back. But often it comes to my mind out of blue if i m taken for granted. So what should I do?

Confusion

Help 

College

Idk, I hope I did well😬

Job Security

2020
Began my year by wishing someone at 12, someone really special . Everything was going smooth. I made sure to prioritise my health over everything else . Would wake up early, exercise, attend my classes ( they went online for the first month) I would try new healthy recepies everyday , studied and scored well and the best part I had someone to listen to me at the end of the day, so I would just hide under my blanket and tell him every bit of it , how this one exercise sucked and how much I dislike this one girl at my tuition . It was a mutual thing, we were both equally obsessed with each other but ofcourse that’s not how life works right ? Things began to fall apart , “ it’s not the same anymore “ that’s what he said , began to ignore my ilys, stopped asking for my pictures, got dry . It was hurtful , it really was and I couldn’t accept it . Soon came my birthday , it didn’t really go as planned but it was a good day . We hadn’t stopped talking and were trying to figure out where did it exactly go wrong . Now I’m a sensitive person and I cry like in seconds , he dislikes that ( I like that he dislikes that ) and clearly he got frustrated. And after 2 more months of trying, it just felt like “ nhi ho paega ab” 
It just wasn’t the only thing bothering me , since I just gave my boards, it was now time for me to decide which stream should choose and I believe that’s an important decision too . I wasn’t in my right state of mind, I couldn’t sleep at nights, I had no one to talk to , no one to clear my confusion. I took a sleeping pill in order to sleep early so that I could get back to my routine . I woke up with a heavy heart for a long long while , I hated waking up, I hated being productive, I hated every bit of it . But I knew I had to be strong so I joined a coaching with a hope to start fresh , to be distracted and to focus on something that’s actually important. We were still in contact , we just didn’t talk like we used to , it would be just like once twice a week . But seeing him online till late at nights, talking to somebody else while I scrolled through one year back memories , I was more hurt and so I decided to delete my socials, I had to . Felt pretty peaceful. I got alot of attention from alot of guys when I joined the institute . For the first few weeks I did respond but then I realised that that’s not what I am here for , so I made sure to keep my distance and focus on my studies . Soon came the result of my board exams and that was a happy day . I texted him , he didn’t have much to say just a boring “ congratulations “ and I mean wtf was I even expecting!? Kinda felt sad because I remember how he calmed me down my nervousness on the day of my term 1 result and was so happy for me . I scored the highest marks in my institute’s batch and that was a good part, came back home to a cake by my family , also got an iPad . The next two months came with new experiences, I gave a media interview, I got my first ever scholarship, my first ever award  and by God’s grace, I got one more too ! But during all these times, I did feel empty , I tried to restart my life so many times and I failed miserably every time , I couldn’t process and accept the fact that there’s nobody who is willing to listen to me, my happiness, my sadness, my worries, my thoughts. Soon came his birthday, wished him exactly at 12 with a cute paragraph and began to cry . It was the worst feeling I had ever experienced because things were so different an year ago and here we were in the present , unable to fix our bond . 
This year changed me alot, I felt exhausted, I began to hate dressing up or be excited for birthdays so this year was the first time I had not planned a surprise for my sister’s birthday but obv I didn’t want her to feel upset so instead I just took her to the market and instead of  secretly wrapping gifts for her, I just completely gave her the decision to  to pick up whatever she wants and as I had said , I felt like I had lost my excitement , my cheerfulness, this was also the first time I did not get ready for Diwali . Spent the day in pajamas studying . And then came November, the hardest month . I was so determined to focus on my health and studies and I finally gathered up the energy to but life happened again, my grandfather was in icu and my father got dengue, it was a difficult time and on 28th , dadu left us , left us forever . 15 days after that just went like that , people came and went and so many other things took place . 
So I met that special someone for the first time ever after basically knowing and talking to each other from like two years and that was a beautiful day , we tried again to sort things out , failed, tried again, failed, gave it one more shot and now here am I waiting for the clock to hit 12, uncertain about “ if he’ll wish me or not “ . I’m a mess believe me 🥹 
I’m certain that 2023 won’t be for “us” because I’m trying to focus on my studies rather than being involved in any sort of emotional attachment but maybe , someday later in life I might meet him and maybe things will work out then , cause I’m too young now and I have my whole life ahead of me. Maybe all this happened for the good !!


If you really did come this far, thankyou so much for listening 💕 , I really appreciate it and wishing you nothing but the best!

Teenagers

When MAN evolve beyond a point it's then that they acquire some feminine qualities. 
By Munshi Premchand

"A student in bed will remain in bed until acted upon by a large enough panic."

Newton's lesser known 4th law

Books

Ghar k chota beta hona b ek gunah h bade hone k baad 😭😭😭

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts