Actually the thing is that…i am an introvert and i dont have many close friends to share my secrets with which i had felt bad about…So this was 2years back when i met my bf. He is my classmate and when i met him for the first time i felt he was more like a fun loving person(fact is that i liked his way of speaking and fun like never before…but i did not take it seriously).It was the first year of college when i met him.He had a female friend in the same class to whom he was very much close more like a lover that she used to share everything with him even the most personal things(even the physical things) about her relationship…They were very close friends like she has even told him that she would have accepted if he were to propose her… I became even more of just an acquaintance to him during the 3rd semester exam study leaves through FB.At that time he was upset as his friend was not talking to him…He complained that she ignores him when her boyfriend comes…So i just consoled him that bestfriend always has a special place in the heart n that she too will have…We had frequent chats during that time…I became more close to him(as a friend) that i even failed for an exam due to anxiety as we had a fight during the chat and he was not talking to me…after the exams he went back to her N life was the same to me again though he was in touch with me…He had this habit of having fun by making her jealous but knowingly talking about other female friends which he used to tell me when he tells my name to her…But i was a person who knew little about possessiveness that i used to ask him that y is she so much frustrated when he does so…One day she got so much mad at him that they stopped talking when he told her about me since the previous days…i advised him to go n talk to her …That day he talked to her and the problem was solved but i felt a little sad when i saw him with her…When i was commuting back home after college by bus i had to control my tears when i saw them chatting even in the bus.He consoled me that day through chat. After few days he broke up with his friend and the reason was me which i came to know a few days back.After that incident, i used tell him to go back to her(even if i would feel sad)…but he was angry at her that he refused.After few months of friendship ,he proposed me as he didnot want to lose me but not out of love.But i could not leave him as i loved him so much and was very happy.He was sincere in this relationship and he still is.Now, his old friend has started talking to him…But she loves him so much n also misses him which she has told him but she doesnt become that close thinking that i would feel bad and he also has a deep connection with her in his heart… He still has this habit of making both of us jealous and insecure by telling about the other person’s name .I also have so so sooo much of this guilty feeling that i was the reason for their breakup that i want to give him back to her as i feel that he like her from the depth of his heart (But he was the only person close to my heart😖)…What do i do???..Should i leave him forcefully saying some other reason so that he is back with his bestest friend ever(he has told me that) and also i can get rid of this guilty feeling …He says that
he cant lose me but not her either as he feels some kind of connection with her… Someone help me(Sorry for this long note and my bad English)
One thing is love for a GF and another thing is love for a best friend. These are 2 very different things and it is indeed unlikely to see this kind of real bonding friendship thing between a girl and a guy. They can be awesome colleagues and respect each other’s romantic relationships but from what you describe sounds like they had a crush on each other at some point and that might happen again. No GF would feel comfortable with that but you can’t simply demand him to not talk to her as he will feel you are controlling him. Give him some time [give the relationship a break] so he can think a bit and he misses you and loves you for real, he will get back to you. If he wants to keep the friend, it has to be in a friend basis [the friend can’t get as much love and time as the actual GF]
But i have this fear that if i tell him about taking a break from the relationship, he would be expecting me to come back after the break and that in this wait i would lose him…
This will be a risk you need to take otherwise it will always be a half relationship and you will be sharing him with someone else. If there is love, he will see that a friendship is different from a romantic relationship and put some more time and care in you instead.
Of course he gives me his time but i feel from deep inside that he has more connection towards her and he wants me just as a companion in his life(coz whenever he talks to her,though seldom, he feels happy n he always want to be there for her during difficulties) …i feel that love is all about that feeling of selflessness and care for the other person in our heart and not just a companionship with romance filled in it…i just feel that he doesnot feel a connection with me from heart like he had towards his friend…i feel like he just wants a person who would not leave him like his friend did coz he has told me that he proposed me as he did not want to lose me though after few months he started loving me…n when i told him to go back to her he said that she’s just a friend which would last till the college life ends but i m not like that…He always makes me jealous by knowingly talking about her and the moments with her which makes me so much insecure n sad that makes me cry more often n he knows that…i feel so much exhausted with this relationship n guilty about his breakup with his friend (coz he always says that i was the reason for that in a ‘just kidding’ way) that i feel so much down and cry most of the days but i love him so much that i cant afford to lose him…need help
I feel so much insecure that i have even fought with him several times for the same reason…and at times i get mad at him when he gives late replies n when i see both of them online(sometimes it gets wrong)…i dont like to be suspecious but somehow i get messed up…i dont know what to do…😖 He also have 2 other female friends but i dont feel much jealous when he talk to them.Its juz the feel that they were too much close in the past that makes me anxious and insecure…Sometimes i just feel to run away from all of these confusions and anxieties …i m messed up😭
do not think you are messed up but you care a LOT about him and the relationship. You already said yourself something you know…he has a deeper connection with the other girl and the relationship is making you suffer and have anxiety more than anything. Deep inside, you already know what to do.
