Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

About almost a year ago, I was in a terrible headspace due to certain circumstances my family, friends, career, and everything seemed to move away from me in different directions and I felt paralyzed, unable to do anything except just watch them leave, and losing myself slowly by each passing day. however, I still had apart of myself deep down which had this hope that I’d see the brighter side someday, and I did. I found this guy online, tbh I was skeptical initially to even talk to about general things keeping in mind the fact that how online conning is so common nowadays and also because I am an introvert and was really vulnerable to let my walls down to anyone that fast. I started out with general life and no preconceived notions or motives towards him or myself. he came across to me just the way he had described himself , sensible, funny, and loving. however one day out of nowhere he asked me to call him and that he needed some emotional support and had a rough day, and I did call him, we talked for the first time but surprisingly it wasn’t awkward even for a person like me, he told me about his situations, his emotional grievances, family issues and so much more, and I helped him in the best way possible and I got know a part of the real him. he was sensitive and cared for people in his life. he had seen certain terrible things but despite that cared for others around him with utmost sincerity. so I as time passed by I started letting my walls down and he beautifully handled me with the utmost care, and over a span of 5 months we became best friends, he was someone i couldn’t complete my day without and so was i to him. my circumstances were still the same and I was still facing the same issues each day but having him in my life provided a sense of unsaid security and safeness i was longing for. things kept on going in a good direction, our chats turned into calls, which turned into video calls and finally we even met. it was a beautiful experience for me, i was so overwhelmed to be present with him but i couldn’t express my utmost gratitude and happiness to him. after that things were okay for a short while until he started restraining away from me, i tried contacting him several times but he seemed disinterested and cut off and every time he would tell me that he’d call me or text me but didn’t. i was petrified i had seen people leaving like nothing really happened and wasn’t ready to experience another time, but eventually, i did. he left, and hasn’t returned ever since. and i have been left behind with this gut wrenching pain that never seems to go away. i used to feel sad earlier and hurt but now i have stopped feeling things. it’s not about him it’s about the fact how easy it is for people to walk out on me, how easy it is for people to forget me and all this has lead me to a great self realisation that how i am not enough. my circumstances are still the same as the last year but this time the part of me that hoped on seeing the brighter side is blinded. i am blinded by the brighter side, i don’t want to see it even if it’s next to me, for who knows what magnitude of pain it has to offer this time and tbh i have nothing left in me. everything seems so lame, even writing all of this down like this. what’s the use of anything and everything. nothing seems to keep me moving now. all that is left behind in me is a bruised body and an acing soul.