Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I am 17 soon 18

I am not strong enough, im breaking down in school, i cant, i just cant, i didnt got to say goodbye, to stay safe or anything:(

Well i am gonna be honest with you, when you have convinced yourself that you cannot, you will not and then some time down the line you will say ’ see i was right about myself that i could not’. So im not gonna convince you otherwose because you already accepted defeat.
Secondly , there will be many people in life especially in next 3-5 years whom you will meet and feel ’ special bonds ’ and with time they will leave you as well (thats how lofe works) thats the way of life. You wont even get to say goodbyes to them at times. So you can either keep feeling sorry for yourself or you can accept this truth early on. Remember that ultimately you will have good people surrounding you, trust time and the process. It heals things . Rest i leave it up to you

I feel i wont have anything good up ahead,? Umm everything is going downside:/ lets start with that i lost my classmate from cancer, she was caring for everyone, and half year later i… um… i lost my dad from cancer😖 and i had to watch him dying in home for six months, cuz he couldn’t eat anything so i had to watch how hes getting weaker and skinnier till the last day! and last year i lost my neighbor, she was like my grandma😞 always shared self made food, gifted gifts, was family friend! And now i lost her, she was world for me, we had much in common (scary much) she was listening to me, accepting me, we were like therapy to each other(safe place) cuz we both are introverts… and i lost her because she was so beautiful to me.

Im sorry for those losses.
You are in pain. The best way to let go of pain is to feel it in its entirety. This time will feel like its the end of the world but trust me it isnt. Your father would prefer you live long and happy and healthy life. The neighbour grandma would love to see you do for others what she did for you.
People die and its painful. But the close ones and the dear ones always live on our memories. They come back and call in other ways that are oblivious to us at first. Feel the grief now, feel the sadness.
If you need me , im here

Even tho i knew this girl for almost almost a year(few days short) idk it feels weird saying it but this hurts like thousand times more than it did when i lost my dad? Maybe everything would be fine if stupid me would never tell her i have feelings for her, idk what was i thinking, ruined everything and now i got what i deserved and have to deal with it…

Its understandable. You are at that age where you give your potential partners much more importance . So ofcourse them not reciprocating your feelings will hurt more. As far as that girl is concerned, remember you will find another one and chances are she too will leave you (it doesnt mean theres something wrong with you or dont deserve love) it just happens because you are not 100 percent sure as to what you like in a partner and whom you like. You will feel your world turning upside down but remember its okay to feel that cause its normal. Time will heal things for you.

Part of me knows that, but i cant get over that, like yes all say its gonna be fine time heals, but based on current situation i feel i dont have time(?) I already lived without her 2and bit months without her, i know i wont be able to do it again. Because even she has abused me like this i still love her as much i did?🥲 Ahh

If youve already lived without her, its a testimony that you can do it in future. You just need to change your attitude. Worl on changing your habits first. Like no texting her.
Do these steps one by one
1. Block her from everywhere.
2. Delete her chats and photos.
3. Maube go visit some relative or jabe a change in your environment.
4. Exercise and maintain a diary. It helps the most while getting over someone

But then i was little sure she will come back!🤔 And after it she felt very sorry for what she did(left)
Ahhh i ‘know’ i have to delete the texts, images, but trust me when i say i cant! Heh we both love sketching and we swapped a lot and now one of her’s is my wallpaper, but how can i delete them?🥺 They’re making me idk safe? Somehow feel her through them, how beautiful she was to me… well i cant? I just…:"( Emotionally cant

(Thank you that youre here)

Its okay. You will get over her eventually. Just occupy your mind with other stuff. Try new hobbies you want to. You dont always have to think of her 24/7

One thing, she Is an online friend? I met her on tiktok… and we have pretty long distance between us, but somehow this ‘bound’ created for her! Like i knew it would be hard to get us together or whatever, but i never knew than an online person can be this important?🥺 Maybe i expected the impossible, but cant persons really stay friends online? She left saying she dont have time? Its 21 century, how can you’ not have when phone is always in your pocket? I didnt force her to be here 24/7 or… all i wanted was goodnight good morning and even 10minutes of her time😓 it hurts that she left mw lying as well… im damn introvert and treated her with all i possibly could give her…?

This happens all the time dude. People show interest, they become friends, one of them catches feelings and when confessed the other one leaves. Stop expecting from people. Easier said than done but this is how it is. Uou you will keep telling the issues and i will tell you the same answer.
So trust me for this once and let time pass. Work on things that are in your control.
Also take this advice : of a girl doesnt want to talk to you, let her be. Gain some self respect and dont disturb her again. She doesnt owe you anything. Remember this and you will save lot of time

I will take the advice yes thanks, and i will try to not say the same thing so you dont have to give the same answer…🤝🏻 its just im not used to cut off people like this? Because well i kinda treat them with some kind of loyalty and respect for their feelings? But okay no good night text to her tonight!

Good.

Thank you for your time! Happy you were here! I dont know how this really works, cuz of her i started to feel more suicidal so i just got this app…