2h ago
I believe that helping others is important for change; however I may be a hypocrite, in that I also believe that you should be responsible for your actions despite whatever you may have gone through. I work with children and I see on a daily basis at lot of at-risk youths. To me, it appears they have many services that aid them in public school, at time which can be used a crutch to them over-all taking responsibility for their actions. It bothers me to the point where I am angry and lash out internally or am distant for others. I tend to take these matters personally, because I find it unfair.
In my youth, I was a so called do-gooder. I always followed rules and did what I was supposed to, despite my personal life and family, wherein my father sexually abused me and on and off relationship with my mother, which affects me to this day. These days Im on meds for depression, and am not living the way I wish and had thought I would despite being told that if I listen to my elders and followed the rules, I would be more successful. I feel like I got the short end of the stick, and it completely contrasts against the lifestyles of the kids I work with, who are given so much, yet they still act-out and most likely won’t see the ramifications of their actions until later on in life…but that’s also just it… maybe because of their rebellious ways they will be able to stand up for themselves later as adults…the way I wish I had when I was younger…and am so angry and frustrated about how hypocritical the ways of the world are. I believe my place is not working with children the way I am now…but I have no idea what to do at the age of 27. I feel like I failed myself…and I didn’t get the help I should have when I was younger…it makes me feel like society has failed me…and it’s making me angry…no matter how selfish it may seem. I apologize for the selfishness…I don’t know why I do…It feels wrong…but I’ve been so wronged in my life…and I don’t know how to fix it
