I Have No One To Talk To: How To Cope With Loneliness
What do I do when I have no one to talk to about my feelings and problems?
Have you ever said to yourself, ‘I have no one to talk to about my problems’ or googled, ‘What to do when you have no one to talk to?’
Maybe you’re new in the city or you’re just not very close to the people you earlier used to spend time with. Probably your mindset doesn’t match theirs or simply, you just don’t feel connected to them anymore.
If you’ve had these feelings of loneliness, you are far from alone. All of us, at some point in our lives, do feel this exact same way. It’s just that, some of us are better than the others to hide these feelings.
Today, when our lives are consumed by living fabricated lives on Instagram, we are more lonely than ever. We’re just afraid to admit that we are unhappy or lonely or that we’re not really living the ‘best life’ we pretend to live on our social media.
What actually happens when we have no one to talk to?
The feelings of loneliness can actually hurt and induce real physical pain. It can make us feel like someone has just stabbed us in the heart.
You start doubting yourself. It can make you vulnerable and inculcate feelings of insecurity.
You end up feeling like you don’t deserve people and friends around you.
An unnecessary guilt trip takes over and you start to believe that everything is your fault.
You feel it will always be like this and the situation will never change.
Where and when do we feel isolated and lonely?
There is always a burden on you to not do things alone or to always be with someone else when going out. For example, going for a movie alone is looked down upon.
Feelings of isolation creep onto you when you think no one really understands you or gets you. These are moments when you have to share something extremely personal and you are certain that other people will judge you for it.
You hold certain memories extremely close to your heart. When you listen to songs that bring back those old memories, you end up feeling lonely.
When your friends become closer to each other as compared to how close they are to you. This happens especially when you’re busy working on yourself and making your life better which leaves you with no time to socialise. (PS...it’s never wrong to prioritise yourself)
You might not have someone to talk to if you moved away from your hometown. This can be to attend school, college or to work and that also means leaving familiar people behind.
In the mix of these emotions and feelings, we tend to forget that loneliness is just a ‘feeling’ and not a ‘fact’. It’s not something which is going to stay with you forever. At the moment, the feelings are strong and you do think that it’s always going to stay like this but, just as all good times come to an end, bad times end too.
During these moments of extreme loneliness and vulnerability, don’t let your feelings drive your decisions. Always remember that there is nothing wrong in looking for help.
You need to first ask yourself, ‘What exactly am I looking for?’ and then take actions accordingly.
How to cope when you have no one to talk to?
The first thing you need to do is - Don’t compare. Don’t compare the number of friends you have v/s the number of friends other people have.
Join a class that you enjoy or attend meetups where you may find people with similar interests. For example, if you enjoy baking, join a baking class and you’ll definitely meet people with similar interests. This may help you find people you actually are able to connect with.
Work on strengthening existing relationships in your life. Just like plants have to be watered for growth and nourishment, the same applies to nurture the relationships in our life.
Learn to love spending time with yourself. Start doing different things with yourself and see what you like, what you don’t like. For example, go out for a movie, coffee and lunch alone and see which outing you enjoyed the most. You can take a self-care day at the parlour as well or simply put your earphones in and go out for a walk, by yourself.
If the feelings of loneliness persist for a longer time, start making a plan for yourself, at the beginning of the day. Plan your day ahead, set goals and get things done! This will help you have control over how you choose to spend your day as well as your free time.
Reach out and help someone else through your journey and experiences. Lend a helping hand to someone else who might be going through similar things such as yourself. Kindness goes a long way.
Do things for yourself and not to please others or to get their reaction. Sometimes we end up feeling alone when we don’t get validation from our loved ones. Not getting a response from your crush on your Instagram story might make you feel a certain type of loneliness. Don’t let that take over you. You don’t need someone else’s validation to do something you wish to do.
Use the internet. Inclusive forums like Now&Me are a blessing for your internet addiction. These communities are free, if you can’t afford therapy, and connect you with like-minded people who might’ve gone through similar things. Safe spaces allow you to express yourself without any inhibitions, even anonymously if you wish to. Venting out is extremely important and such platforms enable you to do that.
There is absolutely no harm in seeking therapists and professional help. Approach professional help if feelings of loneliness are extreme and you’re not able to handle it yourself.
When confiding in people in real life, look for people who are good listeners. They need to understand you, shouldn’t be judgemental and you should be able to trust them. Make sure they have the best interests in heart for you and that they relate to your struggles.
How talking to someone on nowandme.com helps:
It helps in sorting through your own feelings. While pouring down your thoughts and whatever’s bothering you, you end up understanding yourself better.
Engaging with other people gives you a new perspective on things. You learn from the experiences of other people, people coming from different walks of life. Everybody has different ways to cope, and you get an insight into a lot of them when discussing them on an inclusive online forum.
It reassures you that you’re not the only one going through this. Someone, somewhere in the world has shared the pain you are going through right now.
Over time, you learn how to express yourself better.
You feel heard. There is always someone reading and relating to what you share.
You can be a part of the community even if you’re shy. There is an option to be anonymous while posting.
It’s like your personal journal that you can choose how to use as you please. Be it for venting out whatever’s on your mind or to use as self-improvement documentation.
When feeling like you don’t have someone to talk to, just sign up on Now&Me and let it all out. Be a part of a non-judgemental, inclusive and friendly community. It’s a beautiful place to be, a warm family that has got your back. Help someone via your own experiences or simply dump your feelings here and breathe easy.
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