It can be hard to detach yourself from someone you love.
We've all been there, right?
The process in itself is so overwhelming that the thought of moving away from that person and starting your life from scratch can seem so scary and strange. However, if you give yourself the time and space to accept the breakup or detachment instead of running away from it, the process can feel a lot less difficult.
Let’s see how to detach yourself from someone.
How to detach from someone
To detach from someone means taking a step back from your relationship; it can be anyone — your partner or friend. Detachment can mean different things to different people, but mostly, it revolves around the concept of taking a step back from the person who doesn’t make you feel good about yourself and makes you want to reevaluate your relationship from time to time.
We have all had those friends and partners, and taking a step away from them can be difficult, but if you really want to, you can make it happen. Let’s see how to detach from someone.
Method 1: Take a break
When you are not able to decide if you need a break from someone or if you should even take one in the first place. Take a breather from that person or relationship and evaluate the relationship from afar. Here are some pointers on how to detach yourself from someone:
1. Take a physical break
It is usually said that when you are unsure about something, be it a person or relationship, it is okay to spend some time away from them. While it can be difficult to get away from the person who provides you comfort, it is also important to look at things objectively. Take a break, go on a trip, and look at things from a fresh point of view. Give yourself a breather, both physically and emotionally, to understand everything on a deeper level.
2. Talk to yourself
When it comes to taking a break from someone because you are unsure of the relationship, it is very important to talk to yourself and analyze the situation logically. While the situation will be highly emotional, it is necessary to look at things from a different perspective and make a wise decision. Talking to yourself is not often given much credit, but it is extremely important that you sit with yourself, introspect, and sort things out. Write down your thoughts and feelings if that is something that might help you.
3. Talk to someone you trust
When you are not able to see things clearly and are doubting yourself. It is better to talk to someone you trust and can have an open conversation with. Rely on people who will make you understand the whole situation in a better way and will support your decision to take a break rather than nag you about it. Confide in people who you know will understand you and won’t do anything to make you feel bad about yourself.
4. Set emotional boundaries
When you are taking a temporary break from someone, it doesn’t mean you have to completely cut them off from your life. You can still talk to them and do chores together. However, you can set some emotional boundaries with them, wherein you both will not talk about emotional matters if you do not feel ready. If you are a married couple with a child, you can show up for them together, but if there are issues in your interpersonal relationship, communicate your needs and take an emotional break.
5. Be radically honest
Whether you wish to take a break from your friend or your partner, it is important that you are honest with them and yourself. This might make the other person angry, upset, or even confused. At this time, you will have to understand the other person’s emotions and still remain honest with them. They will raise a lot of questions or ask you to stay, but you need to communicate whatever you feel and take a stand for yourself if you wish to take a break and understand things from afar.
Method 2: Look at things objectively
When you are trying to detach yourself from someone you love, it can be very easy to sway and listen to your emotional side. However, at this point, it is also important to look at things objectively. Instead of letting things go as they are, take a break and look at things from a logical standpoint. Here are some points on how to detach emotionally:
1. Look at the effects of detaching from this person
When you take a break and look at things practically, think about and analyze the effects of detaching from this person. If you are thinking about cutting all ties with this person, look at things from a holistic perspective. It will hurt you emotionally, but it may also affect your social, professional, or financial life, so it is better to think about all the effects it can have on you and your life and plan accordingly. Moreover, if you have a child together, it is important to make an arrangement that works for both of you and doesn’t affect the child’s life in any way.
2. Evaluate your decision
If you have made the decision to permanently detach from the person, evaluate your decision by knowing why you are making it and trusting yourself to make it. If you doubt yourself, record yourself or make a list of why you are making the decision. Listening to or reading it after a while will make you see things differently and make peace with the situation without any doubt.
3. Maintain your distance from the person
If you wish to detach yourself from the person, it is better to cut off all ties with them, which means not talking to them or deleting their contact information. If you wish to be friends with them, it is better to do that after you take a break from them, because if you instantly try to be friends with them, it will bring you and the other person a lot of emotional pain. However, if you are married, it is important to keep your distance and only have short conversations if you have joint custody of your children.
4. Take a break from social media
Another thing that can help you detach from someone is taking a break from social media. It is better to unfollow or remove that particular person from your social media when you know they have a certain amount of effect on you. It can be hard to have them on your feed when you miss them or have just parted ways with them. Other than this, you can keep yourself away from social media for a while by uninstalling all the apps or spending a limited amount of time on them, as looking at other people and what they post can also trigger a lot of emotions.
5. Give yourself time
Once you have decided to detach from someone you love, it is okay to give yourself time to grasp everything and move on from them. You do not have to do everything instantly; you can do things in your own time and space. It is better to give yourself time to feel all the emotions rather than rush the healing process.
Method 3: Taking care of your needs
Amidst the chaos of detaching from someone you love, it can be hard to look after yourself and your needs. However, you need to take a conscious step backwards and give yourself the care and attention you deserve at that point in time. Here are some pointers on how to detach emotionally:
1. Give yourself what you need
Detaching yourself from someone you love is scary, but it sure does make you rediscover yourself. When you have decided to move on and start anew, it is important to give yourself what you need, even if that is just a full day of crying. It is important that you listen to your emotions at that point instead of your brain. Being a bit emotional and doing things you wouldn’t do otherwise is totally okay.
2. Take small steps towards your new life
When it comes to starting your life from scratch, you do not have to rush yourself or do everything in a day. Divide your day with tasks that might make you happy, and even if you do half of them, celebrate yourself. Even if it's as small as waking up and making yourself a cup of coffee, that’s a win. You don’t have to reach 0 to 100 instantly; doing 0 to 3 is good too.
3. Learn the art of true detachment
Often, people make up their own definitions of detachment when, in reality, detachment is being your calm self and not hating somebody who hurt you or wasn’t good to you. Detaching yourself means letting them go and learning how to detach from emotions smartly. Learn the art of detachment by seeking professional help and being polite to yourself.
4. Find a good support system
Detaching from someone you love can be painful; make sure to surround yourself with people who love and care about you. It is important that you reach out to people you love and care about, as isolating yourself at this point can be scary and lonely. So spend time with your loved ones, seek them out, and be honest with them about your needs and emotions.
5. Reconnect with your inner child
When you are hurt and part ways with someone you love, one thing that can help you is reconnecting with your inner child and showering them with the love and care they always wanted. We tend to forget about our needs and our inner child when we are hurt, even though just doing something that we liked as kids or spending time with them without any thoughts or worries can make them happy and present at the moment. If you do something as simple as go out to play or have ice cream, it will make you happy. Try not to think too hard to make yourself happy and invest in doing simple things; it might take your attention away from the hurt and pain you are feeling.
How can relationship counseling by Now&Me help you detach from someone?
Our platform, Now&Me, is a safe place that makes you feel light by writing out whatever is weighing you down. It helps you engage with like-minded people and makes you look at things from a different perspective, whether it is about you or your relationship. Become a part of a welcoming community and understand your issues and how to resolve them by seeking relationship counseling.
When you are not able to understand how to detach from someone or how to detach from emotions, sign up on Now&Me and seek online counseling for it. Be a part of a non-judgmental, inclusive, and friendly community . A platform made for you to readily ask for help and let our therapists help you understand the root cause of your issues and make you aware of how to effectively tackle them.
Invest in your mental health and download the Now&Me app for free!
Signs that your friend needs space depend on a person’s personality and how they usually cope when they are not feeling well. However, some of the signs are – they make their own shell and do not feel like talking to you that much; they do not respond to you like they usually used to; they seem aloof and wish to spend more time within themselves; and they usually feel lethargic and physically drained.
Mastering detachment is not an easy process, but once you have made the decision to let go of someone completely, you need to be headstrong about it. To master the art of detachment, you need to be conscious of a lot of things, write down the thoughts that make you doubt yourself, understand that people’s behaviour is a reflection of their own inner conflicts and says nothing about you, and become more empathetic. These practices can help you strengthen your inner self and learn the art of detachment.
Yes, talking to your partner about this will certainly help you. Having an honest conversation often leads to closure, which can then help you move on from things a bit faster and in an easier way.
Detaching yourself from someone who doesn’t love you can be hard, as you often question the whys and if’s of the whole situation. To move past this, look at things from a surface-level perspective and allow yourself to have fun and make mistakes while you can. Try not to be too serious with life and lower your expectations so that whatever comes your way, you are able to handle it with proper care and attention.
If you wish to completely detach yourself from life, you can learn how to detach from emotions and practice the art of living by indulging in meditation, journaling, spending time in nature, making time for yourself, and not getting into the politics and conflicts of the world.