Have you ever come across articles or seen people dating someone with a mental health condition? Dating someone is a thrilling journey where you uncover everything about them—their likes, dislikes, and dreams. But sometimes, there are individuals carrying certain health conditions that can act as a hindrance if not treated in the right way. Today, we will be talking about one such mental health condition, Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
Let’s see how it feels to date a BPD and how one can take care of themselves and their partner with a BPD. In this blog, we'll address all your questions and offer helpful tips on how to handle this situation so that you can have a good and happy relationship while supporting your partner along the way.
What Is BPD?
BPD usually stands for Borderline Personality Disorder, which is a mental health disorder that involves instability in mood, behavior, self-image, and interpersonal relationships. A person with BPD can experience intense emotions, have difficulty controlling them, and may engage in impulsive and negative behavior.
Some common symptoms of borderline personality disorder include:
- Strong fear of abandonment
- Distorted self-image or sense of identity
- Impulsive and risky behaviors such as substance abuse, reckless driving, overeating, or self-harm
- Feelings of emptiness
- Frequent suicidal thoughts or self-harming behavior
- Rapid and intense mood changes
- Difficulty trusting others and forming stable relationships
What It's Like to Date Someone with BPD
Dating someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can be tough because people with BPD usually have a mix of emotions, fear being abandoned, and act impulsively. They might idealize you one moment and distance themselves the next.
Their intense emotions can make you feel as if you are constantly moving cautiously around them, unsure of what might trigger them. This uncertainty can make you feel anxious, stressed, and inadequate. Sometimes, you might blame yourself for their mood swings and behavior, so it’s common to feel guilty or ashamed, even though it's not your fault.
However, despite these challenges with BPD dating, using proper support, understanding, and effective communication, relationships with people with BPD can flourish and be fulfilling for both partners.
15 Tips When Dating Someone With BPD
Even with a lot of the difficulties in dating someone with borderline personality disorder, there are ways to make the connection better. Proper communication, setting boundaries, taking care of yourself, and seeking help from professionals can help improve the condition. Being patient and understanding can go a long way toward building a healthier relationship with someone who has BPD.
Let’s understand 15 different ways to make BPD dating successful.
1. Educate yourself about BPD
Take the time to learn about BPD, its symptoms, and its impact on a person and relationships. When you understand the disorder, it can help you identify your partner's experiences and challenges so that you can help manage them.
2. Have patience
It’s important to understand that managing BPD can be difficult for your partner, and they may struggle with intense emotions and mood swings. You may feel frustrated or overwhelmed at times, but it’s important to learn to manage those emotions while helping your partner.
3. Communicate openly
Create a safe space for open communication where both you and your partner can express your feelings, concerns, and needs without fear of judgment or criticism. Effective communication builds trust and strengthens your connection for a longer period of time.
4. Set boundaries
Establish clear boundaries to protect your emotional wellbeing and maintain healthy boundaries within the relationship. Boundaries help define acceptable behaviors and ensure mutual respect and understanding. By defining limits and expectations, people with BPD can create a sense of safety and stability within the relationship.
5. Be consistent
Consistency in your words and actions provides stability and predictability for your partner, which is particularly important for people with BPD who may struggle with abandonment fears and uncertainty.
6. Validate their feelings
Validate your partner's emotions by acknowledging and accepting their experiences, even if you may not fully understand or agree with them. Validating their feelings helps them feel heard and understood, which is good for your relationship to last.
7. Practice self-care
Prioritize your own mental and emotional wellbeing by engaging in self-care activities that replenish your energy and reduce stress. These activities could be anything like going for a morning walk, reading books, or doing meditation. Taking care of yourself allows you to be a supportive partner while maintaining your own health and happiness.
8. Be mindful of triggers
Identify potential triggers that may worsen your partner's symptoms or emotional distress, and strive to create a supportive and nurturing environment that minimizes triggers and promotes emotional safety. You can do this by being supportive, listening to them, and having meaningful conversations about life, work, and your specific goals.
9. Avoid judgment
Refrain from judging or criticizing your partner for their thoughts, feelings, or behaviors associated with BPD. Instead, approach challenges with empathy, compassion, and a non-judgmental attitude.
10. Offer reassurance
Provide reassurance and emotional support to alleviate your partner's fears of abandonment and insecurity. Expressing your love and commitment can help reassure them of your presence and support in the relationship.
11. Encourage healthy coping mechanisms
Encourage your partner with BPD to engage in healthy coping mechanisms, such as mindfulness, relaxation techniques, exercise, or creative outlets, to manage stress and regulate their emotions effectively.
12. Set realistic expectations
Progress in managing BPD may take time, so it’s important to set realistic expectations for both yourself and your partner in the relationship. Celebrate your and your partner’s small victories and milestones together along the way.
13. Seek support within your connections
Reach out to friends, family members, or support groups for guidance, understanding, and validation as you deal with the challenges of dating someone with BPD. Having the right support within the family and among friends can provide perspective and emotional support during difficult times.
14. Take breaks when needed
When you need space or time to recharge, you can take small, healthy breaks to prioritize your own mental peace. Communicate your needs to your partner respectfully and take breaks as necessary to prevent burnout and maintain balance in the relationship.
15. Encourage them to take therapy
Support your partner in seeking therapy or treatment to learn coping skills, regulate their emotions, and manage their symptoms effectively. Therapy can provide valuable tools and support for people with BPD; therefore, you should encourage them to choose the therapy.
Will the Relationship Last?
Whether a relationship will last or not depends on various factors, including the compatibility of the partners, their communication skills, their ability to resolve conflicts, mutual respect, and commitment to the relationship. Moreover, factors such as external stressors like life changes and individual growth can influence the longevity of a relationship. While some relationships endure over time, others may face challenges that can lead to dissolution.
While maintaining a relationship with a partner who has BPD can be challenging, it can last and thrive with the right steps, such as open communication, seeking help, and listening to your partner.
Couples Counseling In BPD Relationships
Couples counseling is an effective option, as it provides the right support for relationships affected by borderline personality disorder (BPD). In therapy, partners learn to communicate effectively, understand each other's perspectives, and manage conflicts constructively.
A person with BPD can benefit from understanding their emotions and behaviors, learning to regulate them, and improving interpersonal skills. Counseling promotes empathy, patience, and mutual support between partners, addressing specific BPD-related challenges such as fear of abandonment and boundary issues. Through their commitment to therapy, couples can strengthen their relationship and enhance their mental wellbeing.
How Can Now&Me Help?
It can be hard to deal with relationships affected by borderline personality disorder (BPD), but Now&Me is here to help. You can talk to our experts for free or you can choose for paid chats for more help, starting at just Rs 30/-. Also, you can find our useful resources in the form of guides, blogs, and forums that will help you find strategic ways to handle these challenges.
Besides, Now&Me also has a supportive community where you can share your thoughts and feelings with others going through similar experiences. With us, you can connect with others, find comfort, and get support as you explore ways to feel better. Whether you need therapy or community support, download the Now&Me app to get it all.
Sources
Characterizing Couple Dysfunction in Borderline Personality Disorder. Journal of Personality Disorders. 2020. https://guilfordjournals.com/doi/10.1521/pedi_2018_32_388
Borderline Personality Disorder. Nimh. 2017. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/borderline-personality-disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): In the Midst of Vulnerability, Chaos, and Awe. Brain Sciences. 2018. https://www.mdpi.com/2076-3425/8/11/201
Borderline personality disorder symptoms and newlyweds’ observed communication, partner characteristics, and longitudinal marital outcomes. Journal of Abnormal Psychology. 2015. https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fabn0000095
Now&Me articles are written by experienced mental health contributors and are purely based on scientific research and evidence-based practices, which are thoroughly reviewed by experts, including therapists and psychologists with various specialties, to ensure accuracy and alignment with current industry standards.
However, it is important to note that the information provided is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Individual circumstances vary, and it is advisable to consult with a qualified mental health professional for personalized advice and guidance.
FAQs
To date someone with BPD, prioritize open communication, set boundaries, and educate yourself about their condition to foster understanding and empathy.
Being in a relationship with someone who has BPD requires patience, empathy, and the willingness to support them through their emotional ups and downs while also taking care of your own well-being.
Dealing with a BPD girlfriend involves practicing empathy, setting clear boundaries, seeking professional support, and building a supportive environment for both partners.
Being with someone with BPD requires understanding their struggles, practicing patience, seeking therapy together, and creating a safe space for open communication and emotional support.
Yes, dating someone with BPD can be challenging due to emotional intensity and mood swings, but with understanding, communication, and support, healthy relationships are possible.
Yes, you can have a healthy relationship with someone with BPD by having open communication, setting boundaries, seeking therapy, and supporting each other's mental health needs.
Whether dating someone with BPD is worth it depends on personal circumstances, compatibility, and commitment to understanding and supporting each other's mental health journey.