You're not happy but pretend to be.. Don't know where to start to describe your pain.. as society don't accept or make relationship with week mental health person... So, you kept your pain inside you.. 

Harsh, but this is the reality. However, hoping that you find people here who will accept your vulnerabilities 

3am Thoughts

Just feeling so tired and heavy of all the responsibilities and the world. Idk if it's normal to be like that. If I am honest, I did not have any physical mental childhood trauma that should have shaped me to what I am today. For most of the people there is a reason for not fitting it. I don't not have that reason. I have had a normal childhood and a very normal life yet I don't connect to this world, yet i have thoughts of killing myself and getting free of this world. Its hard to make anyone understand because the question will raise as to WHY? WHY? WHY? And Why do u feel so? Oh ur only dramatic, ungrateful, you want attention, maybe u should pray more. Well I have tried talking crying praying thinking then not thinking, praying, everything that comes, i mighy be better for a lil while then it kicks again, the feeling of not fitting in, what's wrong with me?


Depression

Everyone is running somewhere, not sure where but running without any aim or meaning just because others are or in search of something unachievable. 

ENERGY is contagious…. either you AFFECT people or INFECT people. 

I wanna go to china for further studies😣


Stress

Well i should feel ecstatic as i got my first job 2 days back but instead only one thing is gng in my head and that is I don't want to live this life at all. I can't accept the way people are now of my generation, like I can't find any humanity, i just find competition all around to prove to everyone that they are the greatest and can change the world or all are busy grooming themselves but no one cares to go that extra mile for a stranger to help them out. I am stuck in a fast moving generation with a mindset of a 1900s kid. I have so much childishness inside me and i really don't want to lose it just to become another heartless and shrewd person.  

You might think I am feeling very depressed but i just don't want to live this life anymore because I don't want to see my future itself. I am having everything right now, a job, a perfect partner, a great loving family but only  I know what are the hard truths behind all these great things. A great family who loves me but none of them are happy with each other, a great partner who loves me a lot but only I know that I can't share all my feelings with him as i might just make him upset plus I don't want to marry him because after looking at my parents, I just hate marriage.

 I don't know how people even figure out to live their lives in this world happily and i am not able to. If i needed a hug and warmth i was used for satisfying their desires. I don't understand whom to open up about all my stuff without being judged.

 Yes, i just need some hug and someone to hold my hand and just stay there that's all. I know i can figure out all the solutions but i have to always leave everyone at the end because my life changes every year. A new place , a struggle to again make my own presence count and i am tired of doing it over and over again. I want to just stay at a place for once. Is it too much to ask for?

Adulting

But if it's true 
you're gonna run away,
Tell me where
I'll meet you there.

Music

I am scared of some kind of acid attack. I k I am completely safe and not in any kind of danger but still I am scared I want to get those thoughts out as I am scared I will manifest it if I think too much about it. I have tried diverting my attention and I have tried to indulge myself into other activities and I want to know what should I do. 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts