Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I cannot let go because that’s where I lack. I cannot leave relationship hanging. Think it like this, you put so much efforts to build a house and then once it’s build you leave it. It is not easy at all, and I’ve heard things like sometimes in a relationship you’ve to sacrifice yourself for partner kind of shit which took over

But living in that house without any happiness n joy and smile is not worth it all…
What you say…?

Yes please

Would you like a google meet call?

Preferably not. I am socially anxious person and that’s why anonymous here

aha…its okay. How can i help you in overcoming your anxieties? What do you think will help in alleviating your load?

I don’t know. I feel so wrong about me. The things he keep saying to me haunts me.

You have to walk me through a bit of history. What exactly happens, a bit of your background. It helps in getting the full picture

So the thing is we were friends before, we used to like each other but not in a serious way. I was coping up with my last breakup so I never wanted to trust any other again. Somehow things got serious between us and we started a relationship. But he has to go out for studies an obviously I never wanted LDR because that’s what broke me so i told him to break up but he convinced me not to and went out. That’s how things started. He used to tell me not to give him space/ privacy because that becomes a reason to cheat and I was cheated in my last relationship so I started comparing things. I always wanted to talk to him so that he doesn’t leave me. I wanted reassurance which is wrong i know but things got too far

He was always this narcissist personality always self loving and egomaniac. Initially all the things what he used to love about me has made him hate me now

An instance is like, he wants me to text him whenever I go somewhere before leaving home, after reaching the place, before leaving the place and after reaching home. It’s an obvious sign that I will expect the same. He even used to text me all this but now suddenly he is angry about doing it as he says this means I am invading his personal space. Though he started this trend

He tells me not to expect anything from him. And also tells me that he never asked me to do anything for him, whatever I do I do it myself so expecting anything in return is foolish.

He never expresses love as much he expresses criticism. He when angry speaks beyond limits and never apologies for it because he says that’s the truth. The truth that I am responsible for his failures, the truth that I instigate him for suicide.

hmm…okay how old are you guys and what do you do currently(him I assume is studying)

we’re 24 and I am a cosmetologist and dentist (job), he is pursuing his masters

Good to know. So you guys are mature enough to have the grown up talk as well. There are few things that can be done, asking him upfront about his behavior and ways. Try to push since in the first few times he’ll simply reject the notion that anything else in his mind is bothering. Any mature person who has seen world enough will never put his failures into your plate. I’m actually not getting why a 24 year old will think of suicide and putting that blame on you.

Sometimes love goes through highs and lows, if you feel that’s the case then your heart knows what to do. Also changing yourself for relationship is not bad always. Anyone telling you never to let yourself change is saying wrong. A relationship requires investment. But your devotion should be seen by your love as well. If the same is seen and despite that being taken for granted then that’s a red flag. Start telling him things upfront. Ask him whether not being with is something that will fix everything in his life. Because the reality from you story is, the moment you guys separate- he’ll again chase after you, but by then your heart might not accept and the love will not remain the same. Do you agree?

I do completely agree. I don’t know how to confront him. Everytime I tell him something it automatically becomes an altercation

Oh, If only I can show you the past. Sometimes some things are so similar in life. Things will always be an argument because the other person may currently be taking your presence as granted. Be prepared that the situation will improve once you guys take a little bit of break as well, but if you don’t try to fight for each other(and I mean both)…the future will look bleak.

That’s well said. My presence is surely taken for granted.

Haha, a person who knows this pain can relate. I really wish that things take turn for better for you. Trust me, you’re not doing anything wrong.Feel free to keep sharing, the least I can do is to relieve you from some your burden.

Thankyou from my heart!

I tried to do every little thing to save this ship, but not happening. He now won’t agree to the things he made a ritual himself. He wants me to act according to him. I can’t move past him is because I did so much for this relationship and now suddenly I can’t just stop.

A relationship always works two ways- it can’t happen that you surrender everything and keep doing all things while the other party keeps pushing you. It doesn’t work like that. Relationships goals are never single-handed. He is giving you all possible signals and causes to leave him.
You are right that you can’t just stop. No one can. It will take time and possibly less painful than if u married and things fall apart.
Why should you act like him, why should anyone act like anyone else. Your DNA is different, your personality is different. It is impossible for anyone to change himself entirely, if he wants you to act like him, why doesn’t he marry a mirror or a robot.
You want to be his girlfriend right?? or a slave with no thoughts and actions of your own. It may sound harsh, but that’s the reality.
Come on, girl!! You have a carrier of your own, that itself speaks for the brilliant mind you have. You have worked out that by yourself and by your own plans. Yes, you did a lot for this relationship but it didn’t work out and will be a lesson for you for next time.
When you say you can’t move past him, it shows not love but a habit, an obsession. Don’t be so addicted to anything or any person so much that even when you know that it is destroying you, you can’t leave that. Like smoking.
Your privacy, your thoughts, your personality has equal participation in that relationship as much as he has for his own. Your thoughts and opinions matter and they deserve to be heard. if he allows that, it is pure love that is liberating you and making you better, if he doesn’t, then it is pure ownership and he is just using you. You are never forced to love someone and live with him, if it is appearing like one, then it is a red flag and you have many. Decide with a cool mind keeping in mind that you have to live with him till old age and he will have all means after marriage to hurt you more mentally and cage you.

you threw me in pool of thought that was it ever love from my side?

Yes, you loved and that’s why u invested so much into him. There are 2 ways when we change in love- 1. when we see that we learned something new which is better for our personality or we have some genuine problem. 2. When we change ourselves just to suit the other person.
The 1st change is liberating and makes you feel better, but the 2nd option makes you sabotage yourself.
It’s your life, you know what’s best. But just don’t go out of the way too much just for him, so that one day neither you can find his love nor you can recognise yourself.
When u say that he accuses you of inciting him to suicide, it indicates that he may have some mental issues, which is normal. In that case also, by lashing out at you, he is complicating things. Talk if possible and get professional help because you can’t be his therapist and his girlfriend at the same time.
Love yourself as much as u love him. Don’t allow anyone to tell you that you can’t decide for yourself or your opinion should be like theirs. Love and ownership are two very different paths.

It’s not easy to advice him anything. Because that will be on me, that I made him like that.

You know there’s a vicious cycle of pain. It never goes.