yk mabye i shouldnt be here rn. i wish i wasnt. im tired of trying because nothing ever fucking help i always end up here in the most fucked up place in my head. i wish i could just disappear . 

Exhausted

Hello to anyone who is reading this. 
I am not a social person but as humans we crave to belong. So here is my attempt to find people like me? 
I have never really shared this experience with a lot of people and havnt met people who have been thought this experience.
That was a long introduction. But to get to the point.... My mother killed herself. Has anyone been through something similar? I'd really wanna know how you are doing?

Family


Hello, guys, I just feel like sharing my feelings. Maybe someone will listen. From 2–3 years ago, my life was hell. I put on weight around 30 kg, and I had depression too. Well, that's not the problem I have now, but some of its effect is showing me now, like, I can't really talk openly. I feel like I'm a boring person. I don't think anyone will pick me and love me for who I am. Surely I'm working on myself too, but, idk, maybe the friend circle that I broke is affecting me in the future. Even though it made me mature, I know about the world that men's feelings don't matter to people; only money is the way you can respect men; otherwise, a man has no one to talk with. Yeah, I respect women and girls a lot, and I know the pain and restrictions they're facing, but their problems are talked about, but men's problems never get discussed.

 

Are we criminals or monsters? We are too humans and have feelings😔😔

 

I SUPPORT HUMANITY, NOT GENDERS. ALL GENDERS ARE SAME, AND THEIR MENTAL HEALTH

TOO.



3am Thoughts

I feel exhausted, I feel like giving up but at the same time, I don't want to. The heaviness in my heart just gets heavier as I keep feeling sad. I mean I am not diagnosed by a doctor but I think it is very obvious that I have depression, I have been feeling so sad for years that I don't even feel a thing. But if you are curious, it's been going on since 2016...sometimes I feel like that's a lot for a teenager to handle alone but what can I do. I'm getting so tired tho, I'm used to it but it was easier to handle it back in middle school because it just left like a little wave passing but and leaving as fast as it came. Now it's harder because it comes stronger and doesn't leave right away, it gets bad to the point that I self-harm.

Self Harm

And just like what Taylor said on one of her songs,

"If one thing had been different
Would everything be different today?"

I keep thinking and it keeps playing on my head. What if?

I have always been that person who was know to be cold and heartless, someone who has no feelings and especially romantic ones. I was the girl who would break the hearts of the guys I was involved with (I did not mean to do that but, I cannot force myself to love someone) 
I spent a very long time like that. Until one day, I searched about aromantism, and I thought I was aromantic. However, this week, some weird things have been happening to me. I was getting lonelier every day. I longed for a particular person and that particular person was not even special. I just liked their presence around me. I know that my feelings are difficult to decipher and for 20 years I have never felt something like this. Now, I am afraid of loneliness,  afraid of not seeing that person but I don't want to see them. Even my body is rejecting these  strange feelings, my heart is beating fast and I feel depressed, I sleep a lot and I don't want to eat anything because I am nauseous. Deep inside, I think I know what I am feeling. Yet, I keep rejecting it because the person I am thinking about may be toxic to my independence , my self confidence and my perception of things. I am a strong independent woman, and I surely don't need any kind of feelings to stand between me and success, what should I do? 

One Sided Love

I'm miserable. I have lived like this since I can remember but also I can't seem to remember stuff from my past. Peoples faces are blurry and i can’t say what has actually happened in the past. When i was 9 years old people told me my angry is normal because i’m child. when i was 12 people told me my suicidal thoughts and hate for myself was normal because i was teenager. since i was little kid i been hiding my true feelings, my negative thoughts because i was scared of judgement. But now i can’t express my feelings. I can’t live in peace. I can’t open up to people and even if i would no one would take me seriously because they have lived in under a lie that i would be a happy kid with happy thoughts. I gave up long ago and the only reason i’m staying is because people but lately i have got this feeling or a thought that i should give up. I should leave. My life is not gonna be better.. i know it. I just want to feel like a normal person. I hate to keep all this shit to myself and every time i try to speak up i get this flashbacks and realize its not worth it. i hate being anxious about everything. i hate my thoughts. i hate myself.

Depression

When I thought things were going well, everything started going downhill. 

i dont know what to do anymore i dont feel like living anymore dont have any friends every girl i talk to end up breaking my heart my family doesnt like me i have a body thing that makes every bone weak i need surgery theres noting to live for anymore :(

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts