Why friends are there when you Re happy but when you face issues or need them why noone is around us.whether friends are just for chilling and partying and not for trying to help when we really need them

Confusion

I'mm sooo scared to try to fit in with my new friend group

Friends

Do I deserve to make a friend 🙃 idk bcoz people make me feel like I don't 

3am Thoughts

Did I fail as a friend...
I always tried to defend my friend whenever they weren't around, I knew they are not perfect and whenever other people tried to trash talk about them, I would always try to defend them, I tried to be for them whenever they needed, I kept myself aside always and was there for them, may it be for the smallest thing or some thing big for them, I was there for them. 
And now the time has come that they don't even bother to call or mesaage once and ask. hows everything going, I didn't expect much from them, but just a call or text is much to ask for. 


What is friendship in simple words... does it have to be demanding all the time? I have seen friendship quotes where people say that friendship is selfless, but now I am not that sure. Every friend whom I have trusted has backstabbed me. Why am I so bad at choosing friends?
I like people who dream big, want to achieve something in life, who share the same goals with me, that is, financial independence and stability... but I never made any friends like that.
But it was okay, I never mind. People can have their own opinions and way of living. i loved my friends for the way they were. But I really didn't like this "talking behind the back" sort of things that they kept doing.. and you know what hurt me the most? they used to say that I am a money-minded girl who love money over people... just because I was so focused on my career. If this is what friendship means in simple words, I don't think I will ever be able to make genuine friends>

idk why I'm separating myself from my friends or maybe from people who i think are my friends but actually are not ..when I used to talk first or message them first we used to be friends , but the day i stopped talking first and going to them first , we no more talk at all ...so i thought now I'll rather stay alone but never go back to them , IDC how strong the bond was , how close we were , i just know that if I'll start first then there is any relation in my life and if I stop talking to them , going to them , if I'm no more available for them , then there is nothing .... whenever they wanted my help i gave ... whenever they wanted anything i was the first one everytime to be there ....and now when I just stopped talking to them ,they also are not coming ...like wow ...then they used to talk about feelings and emotions and friendship ....do they even what real friendship is ....or maybe I myself is wrong ...maybe I'm egoistic ....but now i just know no one is my friend like no one ....i literally have noone in my life whom I can trust and call my friend ...maybe i deserve this because of my behaviour but now i don't want any friends coz i know I'll give more and they'll never ever care about me like how i feel, what I'm going through....i think it's better for me to separate myself from everyone .....i used to be a kind of extrovert but I'm slowly turning into introvert which i don't want but i have no other option than this ....what should I do .... I'm not feeling okay .....i used to very strong at hiding my emotions but today when we all were together ...first my friend was talking to me but when another of my friend came , they just ignored me like i was never there.... I'm feeling like they want me to feel lonely ....i just don't know if I'm overthinking or I'm right .....idk ....i just know i wanna separate myself from everyone .....please help me tell me what should I do ...am i going right or ...idk ...:)

Insecurity

I was part of a small group where I made connections with them but with time the friend group expanded and I find it hard to make connections with them . Now I feel like I’m the least liked friend . 

I feel like a fool. 
I was checking files which needs to be deleted. I came across a folder in my computer which contain pictures from the year 2018. I was looking through the pictures and suddenly one photo caught my attention. It was a picture of me and my friends (rather ex friends). 
The memories are vivid as if it all happened yesterday. 

It was the year of 2018. I wanted to make plans for Christmas so I texted one of my friends to ask whether she had any plans or not. She did have plans and she asked me whether I would like to join or not. I said yes (Oh I foolish I was). Now I was added to a WhatsApp group to discuss time and venue. Being an introvert I didn't text anyone but still went ob on with the plan. 
Now when I look back I understand that I wasn't welcome. They were reluctant and mostly pretended that I didn't exist. Yes I was basically a burden and they invited me just because I asked about their plans. Younger me had failed to realize that. 

We are not friends anymore. Whenever I went out with friends it felt like I wasn't welcomed there. They were just taking me in because I was their last option. 

It's been 2 months after my breakup.....now most of the time i feel like to socialize with my friends.....but the moment i go out with them after hanging out for sometimes i feels like going back to my home wrap myself in my blanket and cry out....i am not aware what i really want right now. 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts