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@imarie

Why do I feel like it doesn’t exist no one actually decent? Like, if minimal principles… if education, if care for the other… Why can’t I identify myself in no one? Am I the problem?
Just some thoughts

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2 replies
@ijustneedhelpdude

You are not the problem

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Shruti @umanghai

Hello @imarie!
Although what you are going through is stressful, and has led you to doubt yourself and your credibility, I can assure you of at-least one thing. You are not alone in this battle with this specific type of fear, and yes, it is an age-old and the commonest fear. So many people of all age groups have battled this fear in the past and mankind will continue to do so till his mortal end.

If you are afraid of rejection, of humiliating yourself or ending up alone despite your best efforts ,you, my friend seem to be having the Fear of Being ABANDONED.

Being hurt by others or things not always going your way is a part and parcel of life. A few people seem to fit in the crowd rather easily, because their likes and dislikes are statistically average and therefore they can easily blend into the crowd. From early on in life, children, when put into a classroom automatically get grouped into social cliques. Some cliques are social/extroverted/trendsetter kind (the so called cool kids), others are characteristically academically oriented, some others are poets and musicians or are in drama club, other few are into sports, then there are a few who don’t have any defined interests and they just get grouped together or may not even get grouped at all. Every social clique has its character, its rules, some said, others unsaid. Each clique will also have a leader, a scape-goat, several followers and so on. The truth remains that even those who have had no difficulty in being a part of a social clique also many a times suffer from this fear of being abandoned. In adolescence and early adulthood, many people continue to be a part of a dysfunctional relationship of abuse and blame for they are afraid of being left alone. Yes, these people easily accept being humiliated by their partner as a cost they need to pay so that they are not alone. Here, they give into their fear and compromise.
One may ask here, that which then is the right thing to choose in the battle with our fear of abandonment?

There is no one right way in life. Everybody chooses what they think is right at that given point. But there definitely is one wrong way that is the worst way to lead a life. A life of being a coward, giving into our fears, escaping from the stressful situation and not facing it optimistically and with a calculated plan. Therefore developing a virtue of courage is one of the many ways to lead a better life. You can begin by bidding adieu to self- victimization and walk right away from pity party. Remember, you are not achieving anything out of this process. Not a friend, not a skill, not a good grade, and you are still alone. Instead, you maybe loosing a lot in the process. You are loosing hope- in your self, in others, in your future, because you are forgetting to work on the very foundation of your future.

Stop Stop Stop! Stop the damage. Take control of your life. Find your purpose. Set your daily goals and plan to accomplish something everyday. Work on your fitness, groom yourself, get better at a hobby, invest time in happy thoughts. You will automatically see the change this way brings in your life. Always take one step at a time, one day at a time to build yourself, in process to build your self worth.

Don’t ever stop believing in yourself even when others have stop doing so. Self encouragement is the best gift we can give our self as we are usually the meanest to our-self.

If you think this post was helpful, kindly leave comments. This motivates me to write more. If you have any suggestions, then too pls leave comments. I am always happy to modify my approach.

If the post has any sizable impact on you, and you still hope to achieve better direction, you may still let me know.

I am a clinical psychologist and my job is to help my clients with their emotional-behavioral-cognitive-interpersonal concerns.
You may even connect with us on the following e-mail:
umangpsychologicalservices@gmail.com

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