Why do I always feel wrong...... They hurt me still.......why am I the one feeling guilty about what they said.

I feel alone.. dost hae mere paas but most of the time I feel I don't belong there with them..cuz log judge krte hae, vo log jinko mae janti bhi nhi still unki vjhe se mujhe kisi se bhi baat krne ka mn nhi krta

Frustration

Can I lie to my family that my office is starting and go live in a City where my office is.. I am tired of living at home.. Since 2 years I am working from home.. I haven't gone out much.. staying around my family is giving me mental and emotional pressure.. I really need to get out of the home and live freely where I can live life on my terms without any stress.. but I will feel guilty if I lie to them.. and if i tell them the truth them the truth then they won't allow me to go.. any suggestions 

Anxiety

At what time you usually sleep?

Self Love

My legs are itching 😭nd it all turned red!! Help!! 

Body image

Anyone who ends someone to talk to I’m here??

Happy

❣❣"if I told you about the darkness inside of me would you still look at me like I'm the sun."❣❣
Would you?

3am Thoughts

Started Living 

Life

I would like to share a story that is really dear to me it is something that happened in my life this is actually a pretty common story but even though it isn’t perfect it seems like the best fairytale ever according to me
 This happened when I was in high school. studying in girls school till my 10th grade￼￼ I was never in a relationship nor did I have any guy friends ￼ but I’ve Always been the best wing man my friends could ever get I always wondered what it would be like to be in love to have someone as the centre of a happiness to live with someone else have butterflies flying in the stomach so on.
And I always wanted to have this sweet 90s type of oldschool love  I meet a guy we have this meet cute moment he looks into my eyes I look into his eyes in  very moment we both know that we were born for each other and that we could not spend any more moment apart from each other and to fall in love with him and to Marry and to be the mother of his children to grow old with him and spend every minute of my life right next to him loving him in every humanly way possible but life isn’t something that happens according to the way we want it to happen it always has its own way of disappointing us and this has been my biggest disappointment if only I could go back to that moment and if only I could alter the event that took place I would have been far less broken now but I know that is not possible even though I’m crushed and crumbled into pieces I still don’t want to change a the way i feel about him I can endure all this pain for him to have him in my memory￼ to remember him to remember his smile the way I do now for the rest of my life even if it kills me every single second. I remember everything that happened back then it was the third day of my 11th grade everything was new the school the environment the students and the teenage boys everything is imprinted in my mind and I could still feel the day the The day that changed me forever,well how could anyone forget the day they met the love of their life.
It was quite early for the schools to start and there were only few students in the class when I entered someone was sitting in my place a boy tall fair bright and stunningly handsome I was so into admiring him that I didn’t even realise I was standing in the way blocking people to get inside the class “you okay?”Thanu asked me my friend for the past three days who has kept me company in this new world of coed school “yeah totally” I said without taking my eyes off him sitting in my place IN MY PLACE what was he even doing in my place I had no idea as I walked towards him thousand thoughts was running inside my head what am I going to say to him what is his name why do I feel like I can’t even breathe why do I feel like I’m going to faint I had no idea what was happening with all my might I went near him I wanted to sound as polite and humble and kind as possible￼￼ and I said “hey” and only after the world slipping out of my mouth I realised that I was nowhere near humble and polite I sounded like I swallowed a loudspeaker (what’s wrong with me) he slowly looked up with a little line of frown in between his eyebrows our eyes met his face realxed in that moment something stir up in me some unknown overwhelming feeling which I still couldn’t understand what it was which I never felt with anyone before in my entire life which I don’t think I’ll ever feel again all I wanted to do was to stare into those eyes for the rest of my life I could bet on everything it is the most beautiful thing in this entire universe those brown eyes right when the morning sun shines upon them God knows how long I’ve been standing there gawking at him like a total idiot he would have definitely thought that I had lost my mind but it was not only my mind that I lost I have lost everything my life my heart everything that I’ve ever owned and everything that I will ever own it was all his from that very moment he clears throat making the most adorable sound I have ever heard in my life cutting me off from my stupid thoughts I was totally embarrassed he said nothing He just looked at me raising his eyebrows “you are sitting in my place” i said “oh, sorry I dint realise i was” where the exact words he said the words the way it sounded the way his lips moved the way his Adam’s apple moved everything is up in my mind and I’ve played them over and over again for a 1000 times. He stood up taking this bag he was so tall and lean and he smells so nice his hair was so soft I didn’t touch it but I could feel it just by looking at it I felt like running my hands through them he moved across me he was so close to me and he sat right in front of me there it was butterflies eagle everything flying inside my stomach entire classroom turned up into a Rose Garden and every single thing that describes love from every single novel ever written in all literature history I was so eager to know him to know his name the place he’s from his family his favourite things the things he likes the most things he doesn’t the things he admires in this world and the things he wants to accomplish his future his plans I wanted to know all of them I wanted to know his heart I wanted him to be mine and I wanted to be his own I wanted to belong in his life in this world so badly it took me half a day to get to the principals room and steal the entire information of him it’s always good to have the class monitor as your friend I literally stole all his documents not the orginals the copies ofcourse and I had the entire biodata memorised  I would have even answered those questions in my sleep￼. And every single day I used to wait for the teacher to call out his name as his hands graciously goes up to mark his presence God it was my favourite part of the day I like his name and no matter how far are you I am whenever I hear anyone calling out his name my head swings right to that side I am sure people around me￼ would have noticed I used to spend every single day noticing every little details about him the way his lips curls up when he smiles the way he tries to hide from the teacher when she picks  someone to solve problems on the board the way he writes with his left hand the way he breathes The way he sleeps The way he works in the corridor when he accidentally lock eyes with me I’m sure it would have been all over my face how much I loved him and deep down something made me believe that he felt the same way about me everytime he puts his head back stretching his neck  oh dear the urge to hold him to comfort him it was not easy sitting right behind him and resisting all that as days went we started interacting frequently every now and then during the class he used to give me sideways glances from the front every time during those intervals near the canteen he used to look at me talking to his friends and every time he gets punished for not completing his homework he stands in the corner of the class looking at me and when I look back he looks away a trick from the playbook oldest one problem any stranger to catch or I came would definitely think that we were in love that we knew each other because that is how it seemed and high school was not a easy place to hide stuff like this people noticed and even before I realised rumours were all up girls used to come to me asking questions like are you guys in a relationship do you know each other for a long time tell me how is he  like you are so lucky you guys look so cute together and all sort of things and my inner goddess was having her best days tbh who doesn’t want to be in a rumour with the one they are mad about and I’m sure he would have faced many confrontations like this too and he never seemed annoyed about that and a part of me wanted these rumours to be true so badly my school was really strict girls and boys were not allowed to talk they were not allowed to sit next to each other oh they were not at all allowed to use the same staircase and a girl sitting behind a boy was also probably prohibited since we didn’t have much spacing in our classroom I was given the permission to enjoy my liberty for some time but soon the seating arrangements were made and I had to leave my place the most favourite place of mine in this whole universe we were all shifting and the only thing that I was concerned about was to finding a place as close as possible to his and I was ready to knock anyone down standing in my way I still think about all the fuss I made up fighting for the place next to him a girl has to be persistent when it comes to the things she loves and i was one stubborn idiot who wouldn’t give up not when it was all about to start they say when you lose something God gives you something even better and spending literally a whole month sitting behind him only getting To look at his back the entire day (not that I’m complaining the view) I got hold of the seat Parallel to his  and the only  distance between us was a little space to keep both the bags would you imagine how happy I was in that moment I literally tried doing cartwheels (broke my hand that’s another  story) I am sitting right next to him only separated by a distance of two bags￼ I would have killed for this place I wouldn’t mind going to jail but that place is mine no bitch is going to get that we started having conversations he asked me about my old school and i used to smile all the time the more i knew him the more i loved him we only interacted at times and those were the moments i wanted to live over and over again nothing else no one else was visible to me it was only him he was all i knew all I could ever think of the announcement for the special claases were made and whoever interested were asked to join…. Lemme know if you want me to continue 

￼￼

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts