Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

What porn addiction taken away from me ?

FRIENDS (I Have no contact with any of my friends which I have made through out my life. no school, no tution, no college buddies)

Marks( used to be topper and after this addiction I barely able to pass in my high school and college.)

FAMILY ( I don’t talk with my sisters like before, I fear that if I start talking freely with them, I may start fantasizing about them. Which I hate it. So I just keep my eyes down whenever I am near any girl. So that I can save them from my lusty mind.)

Money ( wasted so much money on video calling apps. So, that I can watch them and jk off)

Girlfriend ( It was my decision. Because I was shit and she deserved much better person then me. So I left her. For her own good. It’s been 4 years. Still haven’t moved on. Also, wanna stay away from any relationship because I feel like I’ll ruin someone life by staying.

Physical health ( my height is above 6 feet, but my weight is just 55 kg. Git sick on first day of 2022. It was Tuberculosis. I was skinny my whole life. Joined gym to gain weight but had to left it because of this sickness.)

Mental health ( I’m mentally fucked. I don’t know shit how when where what. Idk something is wrong with me. And I couldn’t stop thinking about how shitty person I am. I’m just all talk and no show. Fucked up jobless Engineer. I can’t sleep at night. Mostly I sleep at 3-4 am. Sometimes I stay awake whole night.)

Time ( I have wasted so so many hours in watching porn. And also video games. I could have done so many things but I just spent that time in watching virtual girls whom I’m never gonna meat or able to fuck. Wait, I’m still virgin. I don’t how to fuck I haven’t done it before. I am 22 and still fucking virgin. My old friends have girlfriends, Exs , some of them are settled and have kids. And here I’m still fucking girls in my mind and j***king off. )

Dreams ( This one hurts the most. I’m not where I am where I supposed to be. At this moment I should be making my dream application. Looking for funding, making cold calls, hiring staffs, finding location for my startup. But nope. Here I’m in my bed with boner. I will be never be able watch northern lights, watch snow or desert for the first time, Naruto theme park in Japan, Eiffel tower in night, milky way, nothing.
I’m just Gonna
Die in this small town.)

Fuck you old me.
Fuck you current me.

Memories