we always say i deserve better or you deserve better. Do we really? if yes then why dont we get them what if we really dont just deserve them. maybe i deserve the bad things only

Sometimes universe/god gives you certain things or lessons again to just see if u have learnt from the past experiences. Till the time u dont learn, u wont be rewarded with the good.

Looks like no hope 

3am Thoughts

I wish you could choose me, I wish we were still talking on call late at this night,how can things change suddenly over one night.I can't go a day without you. We've made so many memories and I keep reliving everything. How do I get past this feeling of void? I tried everything to divert myself and I'm forced to sit with my feelings. Why do I so badly want you to choose me? Is it my ego? Or is it really love? Which one is it? Can't I face a rejection? I've been used to getting rejected my whole life but why does this one stink? Is it because you're the only one who understands me  and make me laugh? Or is it because our whole lives are a world apart but I desperately want a miracle in which we could be together? Are you my obsession? What is it that's making me want to long for you from the day that I texted you? Why am I broken down like this eventhough I knew that we won't be together? You told me things would get better eventually all I've seen is falling apart, you said that we would this over together but all I want to do is hug you and never let go of you. You never gave me false hopes but I guess I've given myself on your behalf which is not your fault. Maybe just maybe I hope there was a way in which we could be together, but you told me not to wait for you because your dreams were big enough and you don't know if you could make it,but little do you know that you will make it but there is no place for me in it. Even when you say that I'm the best thing that has happened to you in a long time I know that you will be having many more in the future and gradually you'll forget about me ,although you will be the only best thing that will ever happen to me in my whole life, you told me to find a good guy and be happy but how can I? When all I ever want will be moving miles apart. I don't know if I've Strength to get through this. 

Breakup

So delusional of me... I knew this day would come still I let it happen with my own hands in a false hope. 

Delusion

A letter to @/someone

It's been 4 years since you left, I still think of you as my "go to" person, i still think about you and me as "us". When i find myself on the edge of the cliff, when i feel like breacking down, when there's too much inside my head, when im lost and wondering, you are the one i go find, all the conversations in my mind, i imagine it's me talking to you, i tell you what im going throught, and you comfort me with a warm hug....It's so weird, you know? I see you every day but you're not the same person i used to look at, i used to find safety arround you now i tremble when i have you near. It hurts, because you keep living your life as if nothing happend, but I, ever since you left i hadn't had much good happen and everyday i live in misery because "you" happened. I want to hate you but i defend you instead, i want to blame you but i blame myself instead, for giving up to easily, for not holding on even if i saw you slowly letting go, maybe i should have pulled you closer, maybe i should've convinced you too stay, just for my own sake i should've tried harder, now im alone lonely, there's no one, there's no one like you. I'm not happy for your happiness, i can't be while you're hanging out with your new friends and i have none, when you have a boyfriend and have moved on, when you're doing so well on your own. I envy you so much, i always had, because you've always gotten everything i ever wanted. Ever since the beginning you were always quicker than me to get what i so desperately pursued, you where always better when it came to that.
Don't you feel bad? Why don't you care? I gave you everything, i was there when no one was, when you where so lonely when everyone turned their back against you, i didn't care, i didn't care what others thought of us, but you did, you left me everytime someone told you to or made you feel like you should, you cared more about other's opinion on me than me, and i wanted to understand, and i do, but still, i can't help but hurting. You where only there when the sun shined bright but when it went down you'd leave my sight, just right when i most needed you, why? DON'T FORGET WHERE YOU BELONG, even if you try to forget the decade we spent together you can't erase it, maybe stay a little bit more humble? what about the ones who saw you when you were inblisible to everyone else? are you just going to become everyone else now? You know what's the funniest thing about this? I still love you, i still care, i still want you. Even if i want to hate you, even if i should whatever it is i can't help but hate myself for not hating you and for finding myself waiting for you to come back to me just as you left, as if nothing had happened, just as how you would always do. But it's been way to long, i have to accept this is not one of our stupid fights we had back then, the ones you'd always forget about in like an hour althought you where the one that started it, i hated that back then because you hurt me but then came back as if you did nothing, because you'd get so upset, make me feel bad, and all to just go back, like that? But now i wish you'd do that again, i know it's been to long but it's been to much on my own, too much to handle alone. A lot has happened since we last talked, i changed a lot, im not sure if you have. But i've been hurt, i've been keeping secrets and dealing with a lot, with the worst compared to anything i've lived before, yet right when that started it's when you decided it would be a perfect time to leave, now who do i tell? now where do i reach a helping hand? where are you when you're most needed? Let me know. 

Love

“A human body and mind can adapt to any situation, as long as it’s not forever” 

See the light at the end of the tunnel and you will keep going. 

Hope is important.

Some day hope is dangerous, but hope is what keeps us going at the end of the day.

Personal Win

Whenever you have hurted me
I've always tried to hurt you by hurting myself
When you lied to me about the girl of your childhood
I tried to hurt you by hurting myself
I cut myself till i bled like never before

And after years of hurting myself for the hurt you gave me
You stopped caring
It was like "oh yeah she cuts"

This time when you hurt me
I took all my hurt to someone else 
Hoping that it'd go away
But it didn't 
Because you're the only one who could heal the wounds that you give

But all you cared was how could I hurt you like that?
Why can't you just forgive me this one timeee???
Because I've realised that no matter what happens between uss
My happiness and my peace
Lies only with you.


Relationships

Every freaking morning i wake up with a hope of getting a text from you.
I have deleted everything related to you but that 1 last photo , i can't let go.
I replay our calls in my mind, i am miserable without you.
I'm not doing any better, come back if it's possible....i am not able to lose hopes.
One day you'll put your ego aside.  
One day you'll know that how much i have loved you in this world of casual relationships.
One day you'll know that something is very special between us.
I'll wait.......

March, 3, 22 Thursday 

Realizing I’m wrong

When I stop being your Freind I didn’t just all of a sudden feel the guilt. I start feeling the guilt once I start being other ppl friends and they started treating me how I use to treat you. That’s when I realized that I was wrong for my actions that took place when we were friends. Yes I regret it now Bc I was in your position and got to see your POV of things. Everyday I wonder how you put up with me, and now I finally realized no one else is like you and is gonna put up with me how you did. Regret my decisions everyday wish I took another path.. I’m sorry.

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts