Want Break from life and go far way where no one knows me and live there and come when I feel to be back

Life

I am scared due to bad breakup in past..
I am still there mentally emotionally.. 
Need help..
Nothing working out.. 
It seems like I am progressing towards end..
I don't wanna do it. I don't want to do it.. I don't want to do it.. God
Please send someone.. I can't handle this anymore.. I am tired now.. 

Depression

So this is my first being here! I’m tired of life, everytime I do something for someone, it is not enough. I’m having self doubt, and I’m feeling like that I’m not good enough for anyone. Idk how to take these things out of my mind. I have anxiety and depression and I don’t want to control it, I want to let go. The world has been so cruel to me including my dad and my ex.

Anxiety

To my people who are sensitive, who are more perceptive to judgement, critique or confrontation, you are absolutely entitled to feel however you feel. You need to be supported and protected. Please dont be so hard on yourself, the world is hard enough.

Mental Health

I feel left out everywhere. My mom and dad are perfect my family is perfect i have few good online friends but i still feel like a burden. it's not them its me i am socially awkward.. unable to talk even when im actually dying to talk inside and i just end up sad and feeling left out and unwanted. and this makes me cry really hard. its exhausting



Feeling like i can't do anything.  Helpless
Ocd is hell to me

I really don't know what I'm feeling right now but I do know that my life is not normal. 
I'm a single child of my parents. I live in a hostel and i have a boyfriend. I over love people I overthink everything. And people who matter to me can affect me in every single way and with their actions. 
I'm stuck in my own thoughts. My only problem is over loving and over thinking. I cannot let go of the people.  
I really feel like I'm the worst person ever who cannot love herself. 
If I want someone to be part of my life I literally make those efforts. But people who should do the same don't ever make it. 



I am 19 and my family wont let go of me.

I struggle so much with depression and .. ideation. Especially during the pandemic since just when i was starting to be okay with myself, everything changed. There was so much change. Therapy is too expensive for me so i cant do it consistently. Recently ive tried to be brave and go back to school after a 2 year break. Ive been trying to go back to art too. Ive been focusing on taking care of myself but recently ive been realizing all this is futile if i have no hold of my own life. I knew something is seriously wrong with me and how i view myself bc when i finally made some art after such a long time, i liked it a lot, then when i tried to make another thing literally right after, i couldnt bring myself to finish it. Its literally a sketch right next to a finished pieced. My hand was shaking and there was a voice at the back of my head telling me i am not an artist, i cant draw, im not a real creator, even if i made a really good piece literally just minutes ago. It was right in front of me. Ive been creating even during my whole hiatus yet i still view myself like this. I knew i needed change. Change of pace, change of environment. But i cant have that without my family's approval, without independence. 

Ive been trying to gradually ease their minds into the idea of letting me commute, at least teaching me how to so that i hhav more options than theyre giving me. But they cant let me go, especially my dad. I think hes struggling with this a lot. But its killing me so much, i cant do anything. I am so stuck. They arent prioritizing this because they dont take it seriously enough. I feel llik i am only living for them at this point. Ive tried everything i could do for myself within the house, but i need change and ive needed this for a while now. What should i do? 

3am Thoughts

i think i might be depressed, im not sure what's going on in my life. i have lost the motivation to get up, i feel like i am just a ghost. i have nowhere to go, and i feel like even if i go, nobody will notice me. i feel like everybody hates me. i am trying to be strong, but nothing is keeping me going 

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