Ughh guys I really need to let this out and I’m super super angry I’m super sad I’m super anxious and I’ve never felt this way before.
So me and my best friend … she’s going through alot of things and because of that she has really bad anxiety and depression as well.
You get how it is with your best friend right … we flirt we make fun of each other it’s the best and I love how I feel around her.
I’ve never felt this way around anyone else and it’s like I never want to leave her and always spend time with her. The small things she does instinctively like caressing my hair they just give me butterflies and I really don’t know what I should call the way I feel about her.
I didn’t want to tell her I like her because I didn’t want to lose her and make things awkward but I told her and I usually don’t open up and I got super emotional while telling her I like her.
And things were weird for awhile but she’s told me she’s had her heart broken so many times and she doesn’t want to do that to me and make me go through all that and she never specifically said not to me either because I couldn’t muster up the courage to ask her out .
So things got better and we got back to normal but I just couldn’t hide the feelings I had for her and showed them through the things I did and she suspected that and she kept asking me if their was something id like to tell her
I didn’t want her to go through all that pain again because of me so I didn’t tell her.
But the thing is I’m scared she going to leave and I don’t want her too.
One of the main reasons I didn’t tell her what I was feeling is we study together so that means we only have 2 years left and after that she’ll move back home and I’m not ready to lose her like that.
She really is going through alot and I motivate her and write her letters and send her things to support her and show her I’m their.
But We fought yesterday and I went to make things better with her today but ended up making things worse.
I feel so saddd I’ve never cried for someone else and I don’t know why I am right now either.
I just got to know she’s going to leave in s couple of days because she just can’t take it anymore and I don’t know what to do.
I wasn’t ready for her to leave in 2 years but now she says she going to leave in a couple of days.
I don’t know how to process these emotions or what to do.
She did not tell me she’s leaving and I got to know that through a friend.
That’s soo bad🥺 I feel sorry for you
You know right talking and opening up whole heartedly is the only solution to misunderstandings…
I understand that and that’s the thing I’m scared I’ll lose her if I open upto her… I can’t change what I feel for her but since she isn’t ready for a relationship right now I don’t want to make her go through that.
The one thing I’ve always been afraid of the most is the people I love leaving me I GET ITS INEVITABLE AND EVERYONE LEAVES but I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it
Hey maybe it was not meant to stay forever. I don’t think she should leave without her degree as you said it will still take 2 years. Bt it’s her choice. You should support her decision as a friend as that’s what you guys were at first. And you mentioned she is already going through a lot and is depressed so if you actually you need her as your friend by your side it’s better to keep your feelings to yourself if she actually doesn’t want more that friendship with you. Otherwise one way or another you are going to lose her. You know life is hard and sometimes we have to make hard decisions which effects us in ways we can’t imagine Bt with time we find a way to live through it. Stay strong and be there for her if she needs you.
The thing is she’s afraid she’s going to break my heart and I’m afraid I’m just not going to be good enough for her.
I know we’ll always be there for each other and I realize what we feel for each other surpasses anything bestfriends feel for each other and that’s what makes it even more difficult.
Why does everything have to be so complicated 😭 THE THING IS I’VE NEVER FELT THIS WAY WITH ANYONE AND I’M NOT SURE I CAN TAKE IT IF THINGS GO BAD I don’t know if any amount of time will be enough
Hello :)
I feel you should make your feelings and yourself priority and take responsibility of what you are feeling and not feel guilty about it. I completely understand the situation you are in and I get it how it feels to loose a best friend. But If you are not honest with yourself and her , you will spiral down to the same feelings over and over and again. Take charge of what you are feeling and step up and take care of yourself.
I really needed that push.
I talked to her and I poured my heart out and told her most of everything I’m feeling. I told her I’m not ready to let her go and I don’t want to lose her and I feel like a weight has just been lifted from my heart.
I know she know I really like her so I didn’t push my feeling onto her but It felt so good expressing everything else to her
