Today’s my second favorite day of a year as the first one is my birthday.    



If loving you is one way ticket to Inferno, let it be.          





🧜🏿‍♀️

Siren

Celebration

They say happy birthday
I say gloomy birthday
🙃

3am Thoughts

I don't like birthday and aniversary. I don't like to have such days not only mine but for othes too. Its very difficult for me to go to them n eish them. I dont know it takes so much of efforts. I have to think 1000s times. Practice in my head what to say, fake smile etc. Why this happens with me. I see people excited for others birthday but i am never.
Even i don't like my birthday. I feel all the attention for a day is so fake. With birthday wishes comes few taunts and free advice... "When will you get married?"
Etc....Y ideal birthday would be spending a day alone at a place where nobody know me. Keeping phone off to not get any calls.
Is  this normal. Do u also have similar likings? 

I spent my birthday crying ....i think that sucks!

I have my ex birthday on this Saturday and I’m really not sure should I wish him or not. it’s been six months of our break up and it was like almost 5years of relationship so ,We have been kind of family to each other . And I want him to move on and I don’t want him back but he has been important part of my life. 

Confusion

Weird Question but I'm so confused.. In LDR n hv different time zones, what's confusing me is that when should I wish him bday n make it special. I'm 4:30 hrs ahead of his time zone. Thanks in advance folks! 

Long Distance Relationship

Today's friendship day and not one person wished me 🥺😂💀

Friends

I hate birthdays. I never wish people. When I do, I don't write them long, meaningful messages. When I do, I drop a cold "Happy Birthday" text in the last few hours of the day. I never call to wish. I never send birthday videos, or write birthday cards.

It sounds weird, I know. I spend practically all day on my phone, and I just don't have the strength to wish. I thought it was weird too, and I just couldn't figure out why I do that. I thought I was just lazy. But now, I know why. 

In school, I was surrounded by people who I knew weren't good for me. People who I was determined to change. I was under the impression that the love I had for my friends could perform miracles on them. What I didn't realize was how lonely I felt even in a crowded room. Real friendships meant very little. It was all about how big the group was when we went out. Make a plan with 30 people, and 15 are sure to show up! There was no depth, and I was simply a backup plan. I didn't mean anything to most of them. They were a fun group to hang out with, but we didn't share anything real with each other. I realize that now.

I had other groups of friends- my "Anglo-group", my theater group, my swimming friends, my college friends (once I joined college)- but for some reason I never completely fit into one group. I had a few similarities with everyone, but I never felt like I truly belonged. That makes for a very lonely life- to be surrounded by so many people who say they love you, when you feel that they're only friends with you because they pity you.

 I have a birthday party every year and I invite everyone! Do you know why?
Because I'm afraid if I don't throw a party for myself, on my birthday, I will spend the day alone. No one will do anything special for me- no surprises, no friends randomly showing up at my doorstep, no birthday video calls, no cake cutting at midnight, no random flowers and cake arriving, no nothing. I throw myself a birthday party because I'm afraid if I don't, no one will show up for me.

Does it help me feel less alone? Absolutely not. It makes me feel worse. Sitting alone in a room with 40 people, all  in their various groups, chatting, laughing, making plans for what they'll do after they leave my house and the next day (I was born on Christmas Eve), while I am completely excluded from the plans even on my own birthday. 

So, I hate birthdays. And the possibility of me spending my birthday under lockdown and not even being able to invite people over makes me nervous already. Its been on my mind for the last two days because I wished my oldest friend a simple "Happy Birthday, sorry for texting so late" text at 8 pm on her birthday, in spite of all the years she has been in my life.

I feel guilty, ashamed, and pretty helpless.


Relationships

How should I feel?????
Today is my birthday. The person I love the most called me at dot 12:00 in night to wish me. I was on 9th cloud, I thought I would spend my day happily with him but things just got complicated. Now it's a cold war going on I just don't know what to do. I wasn't at fault still I feel guilty as if I have done wrong.


I cried and cried wanted to let my guilt go off me but it just isn't. On my birthday I feel empty....

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts