sun @shurjoren
TL;DR: I cried. Life is shit and so is my dad. Ok
I hate this so fuckin much. I feel like I’m getting nowhere with my parents. It’s such a love/hate relationship, but for them, this is just love. My dad has a bad habit of smoking. It’s not really bad, more like a once in a while thing. But what bothers me the most is that he doesn’t listen to me. I’m trying to tell him what’s best for him, but he chooses to ignore it, and instead get upset with me. Today, I was looking for swim thing, and instead I found a pack of cigarettes. He started hiding them in places where it would be harder to find, and I was bothered by the fact that he was hiding a pack of cigs in such places. He was hiding packs like that because when I was younger, I would find his packs and hide them. So I put it in a drawer, thinking that I’d throw it out later. He ended up finding them, and making excuses, so then I told him how I found them and such. I then proceeded to break them in half in front of his eyes, and threw them into the sink and turned on the tap. I know this will not change anything, but at least I got rid of a pack. I went to my room, and just sat on my bed, crying a bit louder and longer than I usually did. I started coughing a lot as well, and considered vomiting. But I didn’t. Now I’m just trying to eat my cup noodles. I have school tomorrow but I don’t know if I want to go or not. I probably will. I hate crying but I love crying. I’m going to start crying again, but I’m tired. Goodnight.
i’m so sorry, fren. parents bring us to this world and it is their responsibility to make us feel loved, protected and comfortable. it’s a shame you’ve had to grow up trying to protect him instead. he is lucky to have someone as caring and thoughtful as you in his life. of course, you feel like crying, it is heartbreaking to see our parents make the same mistakes over and over again. don’t feel bad about crying, it’s just your body’s way of trying to make you feel better. you’ve been through a lot, you’re allowed to process things the way you see fit. try to focus on yourself and how you can make yourself feel okay, even if no one else does. you’re a gem ♡
