This is my secret that i wanted to share. 
I have no friends, and i'm lonely. I few months ago, i decided to leave all my friends behind. Now i'm trying to comfort myself and get used to this new life, but at some moments, the fear that i'm never going to find true friends, still crosses my mind. My mental health has slowly deteriorated, and yes, i have been considering suicide, at the moment i think i can handle the life that i'm living, but i'm scared that my future will be even worse. I want to be happy, but i throw everyone away from me, because of that constent fear that they're going to leave me one day. I want my old life back, i want my own self back, i want to be able to smile again, and i want to able to say that i have a friend without the fear that i'm going to lose them one day. 


It was mainly because a lot of them didn't take their life seriosly and just liked to play games, while i was more focused on my studies. I also noticed that with some friends i had less and less comunication and it felt like they were never there for me like i was for them, to the point where i realised that i'm forcing the friendship. Since letting go of someone is a new experience for me, i feel a lot of emotions at the moment. Hopefully with time, it will get better. And thank you for asking this question. 

Take a deep breathe and count for the things you're grateful for... we all are screwed up here

Lonely

I am not actually sure about my feelings right now. I don't know if I am happy or sad..in a dilemma. I have finally officially ended my 8 years of toxic relationship. I am happy that I feel free now... no negativity. But sad that it had to end this way.

Dont know what should i tell about what i feel.
Its nothing.. nothing at all.
No pain, no hate, i just feel nothing.
I just see no point in doing anything.
I have done things, but what does anyone get in the end ?? Nothing.. its all the same. Same shit all over again and again. Then whats the point ? 
You put all the effort, you keep on clearing all your obstacles till you win one day but then what ? Next day you again lose the same, have more obstacles again. 
I mean, i see no point in life. 
Thats why i just feel nothing at all.
I am just living for i dont know why.. 
Without any purpose.. 
I am surely depressed as i have lost interest from everything, lost weight, and getting anti-social to a point where i have zero friends, no social media accounts, and i hardly go out of my house. 
But instead of all this.. i want to cure myself. But i dont know where to ask for it, and what will be the cost of it. 
My parents are so careless that they will blame everything on me, but won't help me out and will let me slip away further into a point where i will just end everything. I have explained it to them. But they never understand. 
And i dont know if anyone will ever understand me. 
Thats why i see no point in even talking or sharing. 
As its just goes round and round.. all the same thing, all over again. 

Depression

I dnt think ill ever get better or have it all together. Every day i try to convince myself it is just a phase things will gt better, better days r ahead but it inly gwts worse

3am Thoughts

I keep having this recurring feeling of worthlessness.. and it comes out of nowhere like I will be out having a good time and something will trigger a negative response so bad that I am immediately pulled in this never ending feeling of being unworthy, that people keep me in their life just for the sake of it, I am not good enough for anything and I don't deserve to be loved. Because if the constant fear of people eventually abandoning me one day, I feel like just leaving everyone and going somewhere far away. I have had suicidal thoughts in the past but I have made myself stronger than before. N for a decent amount of time I thought it was over. But there it was again yesterday when those negative emotions came rushing back all of a sudden making me feel like I am drowning into this never ending hole of self hate. 

A Greek philosopher sitting in a deep contemplative state was asked 

What is on your mind ? 

To which he replied - I am very worried by the thought that worrying does no good.

Such is the vicious circle of worrying.

After my ex leaked my self harm pictures also claiming that she wanted to leave me 6 months back(leading me on for 6 months), she came and told me a few days back that you are too sensitive and you overthink a lot and in my head I was like you put me in a place where I had to overthink because of the judgement I received from the society. I do not know how to comprehend this situation.Is it a crime to be sensitive? If I am a boy I need to be all strong ?

Self Harm

Hey whoever seeing this,
I don't know what i am doing , is it right or wrong? All day I am just sitting and just seeing things with no thoughts at all. As there are no thoughts I end finding things which made/makes me feel sad. Like I sometimes i feel sad that why I am not doing anything. While my friends and all are doing great though we all are Students studying in 6th sem. Neither do i watch movies, webseries nor play video games rather i listen to podcasts such beerbiceps and other motivational videos but i do nothing after that . Again i am feeling that I am sad , I am sad , I am sad. And when i start questioning i become more sad because my head just cant handle so much of thinking and also if i starts thinking , again i am on a loop to find things which made my past sad or the things which will make me sad in near future . I also have a very bad habit of loving my victim mentality. Like koi mujh par taras khao....ki meri kitni buri halat hai .... Mujhe pta nhi kyu aesa situation bahut pasand aata hai jaha koi mujh par taras khaaye or mera kaam kar de ya kuch madad kr de mera .

In everything i do , my mindset is to create such a situation where i have to be treated like **taras kha lo iss Par yr....** 

Matlab hadd wala dimaag kharaab ho gya hai ...upar se lockdown ho rha hai....log se milna nhi hota ....

Dost log ko kya share karu ....unlog khud dukhi rehte hai ....share kisse Karu feelings samjh nhi aata 

Or ek baat or hai jb v pura din sochne mai guzaarta hu tb jaa kr ye v sochne lagta hu ki merko koi disease kyu nhi ....mera eye sight kharab kyu nhi ...pair mai dard kyu nhi hota ...back pain kyu nhi hota ....

Itna soch soch kr aaj kl asli mai back pain hone laga hai ....mai khud hi apna sarir kharab kar rha hu....😣😣😣

Kuch suggestions do please 😣
#mental #health #lockdown

Mental Wellbeing

Guys I just don't want to live. It doesn't matter what life has to offer, it doesn't matter how beautiful my future may be, how wonderful things may be waiting just for me. It just doesn't matter because I just don't want any of it. None of it. I can't bring myself to care about anything, absolutely anything at all. 
This thing called life, idk how to live it. It's been going downhill since who knows when and never stopped. My parents keep on telling me about how I'm the biggest disappointment, how I'm not repaying them one bit, how I'm just the absolute failure and shit and yes ik. I agree with all of it. I know. I know that you regret having me, I, too, regret being born. Because fuck living just isn't for me. Fuck fuck fuck. I just can't. 
I can't. I can't live. There's nothing to live for, no use living, I just keep on disappointing and burdening others, but heck that doesn't motivate me to live or try or anything either. I just want to fucking die. Why the fuck am I not dead yet? It doesn't make any sense. I don't deserve to live. 


Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts