( This is going to be very long and it doesn’t really matter if anyone reads this but I have to empty my feelings)
So I have been thinking a lot lately…
and I realized I can’t trust men. I am 20 years old and have never had a relationship. It’s not because I’m ugly but rather because I always turn down everyone out of fear that I am getting pranked or played. All this “mess” started when I was 12 when this random guy on skype asked to see my body. This 27-year-old dude told me how pretty I was and I believed it and loved it. I wanted people to call me pretty and to love me so whenever a guy asked me to show myself I would. This went on for years. Older guys sending me their nudes, jerking off to my pictures. I was a child… When I realized that it was never two-sided I tried to stop giving myself away like that. If only I knew it would get worse. One night I went to a party with my friends and we met some friends of mine. They offered me a soft drink and of course, my naive ass just drank it. A few moments later I remember this cute guy that was with them bringing me somewhere outside the party. As he starts unzipping his pants I dizzily tell him that I want to go back, but that wasn’t an option. He did what he wanted to do with me and left me there lying like a piece of trash. Till this day only 2 people know about this. When I realized what happened to me and that my virginity had been stolen from me I straight up became a slut. I went from guy to guy just to feel something. I even had intercourse with this 50 year old man (I was 16-17). The way he enjoyed it was disgusting. I am pretty sure that I have been raped multiple times too during that time of my life. No meant “go on” to them. Now I have not touched a guy for over 2 years :D but I still feel like I’M BEING USED. I met this guy online who was very interesting and sweet. We talked for hours and hours about such interesting topics but when he asked me to “lower my shirt pleaasseee” i wanted to hang myself. I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. I DRESS SUPER MODEST, I NEVER TALK FLIRTINGLY EVER, I DON’T SHOW ANY EMOTIONS SO WTF IS UP.
Hey girl you’re a strong one❤️ Actually this generation really is worst🙃 I mean everyone just wants to use and throw people but it’s not like you’ll stop trusting guys or something because not all boys are same … It really gives me chills after listening to what you’ve suffered man literally but stay strong ❤️Move on from the past and work hard for your future❤️ I’m sure that there will be a guy who will understand you accept you and yes he will love you❤️
Omgg thank you, you are so nice <333 I am working on leaving that dirty past behind me but I really had to unload.
Always there to help❤️… see i do understand it’s hard to forgot past as dirty as you had but you were just a kid on that Time we don’t have sense 🙃 see history can repeat itself but we can never change the past right? So work on your future do the things which makes you feel the happiest ❤️
I’m a guys tho and it’s really hard to even listen to all those things you wrote I mean I’m feeling shameful for being a guy
I didn’t want to put shame on any guy that isn’t like that or doesn’t feel concerned. Thanks again for your words !
I know you don’t but these types of people are the ones who makes guys like us ashamed
Hey
First off thank you for being so brave and strong throughout all of these very difficult times .
Second I would say give yourself time to heal . You have gone through a lot and needless to say both your body and you mind need to be happy . So it’s okay to feel and heal slowly emotionally , physically and mentally . After you feel like you’re in a good place I want to also tell you that not all men are the same . I believe that one day you’ll find your love who will love you for way more than just your body . Until then live your life girl and never give yourself away if you aren’t comfortable .
Sending you all the love and power ❤️
I’m here if you need to talk :)
Thank you so much <333 I am now starting to try to heal and hopefully all will go well :)
