Thought

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Anonymous

This is a long one -
I just know that my boards results won’t be nearly as good as I had got previously. It’s just I am tired of people giving credit to my parents whenever I do something good. My parents are we unlike normal parents, my parents is a raging alcoholic and his behaviour is so unpredictable, while my mother is the only sober parent who runs after my father, and she has an anxiety disorder.
I worked really really hard in 11th and 12th grade in the midst of the pandemic and the alcoholism to make them happy and during parent teacher meetings, my teachers would praise my parents for being so involved. I didn’t realise this but a little later in life that why are they getting all the credit, even when my father verbally told me “you will not receive any support from me” drunk and sober.
I don’t care how much money you earn, or get me stuff to make up for your absence, I care about how much you are involved in my life in positive sense. Like, I had a psychology board exam, on the morning of the exam, I hear abuses and crying and yelling and then I immediately realised that my father only woke up at 5.00 am not to make me ice tea, but to drink alcohol and go back to sleep.
I went to the examination centre alone.
And it suddenly becomes so weird when they try to get involved in my lives, like get mood swings or what?
It’s just, I have always blamed myself for not being strong enough or smart enough or capable enough, and I don’t want to do that anymore. My parents also need to be held accountable

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2 replies
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Anonymous

Wow! That must’ve been really hard

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Anonymous

I had the same issues with one parent’s habit of using alcohol to cope and then acting as if they are giving me the world by just providing me with basic necessary things but being absent when I needed them the most.
I tried to make them happy you know, but then I realized it’s not worth it. We can’t change people if they don’t know what the problem is.
I moved out (as in hostel) for my graduation studies and I come home on holidays. But being away from this environment felt really good. I can focus on my studies. I realized that there are some things I can’t control.

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Anonymous
Where is the Sun 🌞